How to accept that you will probably never move?

[Pickledd]

First world problems so apologies. So we have been wanting to upsize for a while I've lived in my current house almost 7 years. It was a bargain 134k 3 bed semi 1090 square feet, garage parking for 7 cars , ok sized rear. Quiet area, it's so ugly and not the dream forever home but could pay the mortgage off tomorrow if needed.

With the COVID boom and my DH losing 70k on a bad investment it looks like we won't be moving anytime soon. Even a modest upgrade in size say 200 square feet is like double the amount our house is worth so it doesn't feel worth it then it has smaller drive no garage etc. On the other hand I'm hesitant to do any upgrades to this house beyond usual maintenance as I feel mentally done with the house and won't recoup the money back. Has anyone felt like this ? How did you get through it,?

I understand your reasoning. At some point we will probably need a bigger house, but it’s so expensive to get an extra bedroom or some extra garden space in a slightly better area. I have friends in the same circumstance who don’t want to buy something twice as expensive for an extra bedroom- especially when a few years ago, it would have been much less proportionally to move up. That’s before you even think about rising interest rates. That said, I’m sure your property value has increased since you bought.

The people I know in these circumstances are spending money on improvements- new windows, new bathrooms, new furniture etc.

However, you shouldn’t allow friends and family to undermine your home or financial decisions. It sounds like they’re insecure about their choices and seeking validation that you’ll move up too. A house is somewhere to live, not a status symbol. Would you feel the same pressure to move if they hadn’t?

It sounds like they’re insecure about their choices and seeking validation that you’ll move up too. A house is somewhere to live, not a status symbol. Would you feel the same pressure to move if they hadn’t?

interesting how we all think differently. I’d have assumed they know the op was not wanting to stay there long term and had been looking to move for some considerable time. Generally that sort of thing is discussed.

id disagree a house isn’t a status symbol. Of course it is for many, it shouldn’t be, but it generally is. Just owning can be.

I really don’t know how you come to terms with it. I haven’t yet, and feel completely stuck. We have a big enough house but there are a lot of things about it that we can’t change. The area is very safe in terms of crime, but we live on a pretty dangerous main road. There is nothing in walking distance, and no public transport, and I have no idea how my kids will get to school once they’re older. The houses are very spaced out and you never see anyone; so our children don’t have local friends.

Unfortunately to move slightly further away would mean spending roughly 300k more, and we’d have to downsize to ‘only’ spend that much extra. This is just not affordable and never will be.

Yes I suppose we are very lucky we own somewhere that’s affordable but as they get older, I really don’t think my kids will have a nice life living here and I can't see anything I can do :(

I think you need to stop worrying and start living in your home, enjoying it for what is is and not comparing it to other homes!

My house felt big when we were 25 and first moved in, much too small at 35 when we had small children, pushchairs, bikes and all that clobber - and now at 45, it's ok again - with one child away at university and unlikely to come back, we even have a spare room! Plus my kids feel very rooted; this is their HOME in a big way... they've lived here all their lives.

The only thing I do miss / would like is a downstairs / second loo - but I'm not spending £150k to move for that!

The best thing is that the mortgage is all paid off, unlike friends who have aggressively moved up the ladder - they may have bigger homes but they still have big mortgages and less security than us.

We have stayed in our very average 3 bedroom semi, we could have moved up the ladder with our salary rises but instead we paid off our mortgage and are very comfortable. I have no regrets at all.

Try to see how fortunate you are to have a lovely home in a lovely area. Things have changed massively with housing and it really is just a blessing now to own a home that meets your needs in a safe area.

Plus bigger houses mean bigger bills and more cleaning!

I'm sort of in a similar position OP. We have a semi which is a similar size to yours. We love our house and location, but have had salary rises etc since we bought this house 9 years ago so thought we could maybe look for a 4 bed detached to have more space as the kids get older. However an extra 200k only gets us something ~300 sq ft bigger so even though we could technically afford it, we're not sure it makes financial sense.

For those who are left hanging like this, how do you plan for the future? If we definitely weren't ever going to move we would put quite a bit extra in our pensions. But if we are going to move it's the opposite! At the moment we are maxing out overpayments on our mortgage and then have additional spare money in a savings account, but at some point it feels like we'll need to move on from this.

Yep it's got a utility room , downstairs toilet . I want a fancy kitchen and fancy bathroom, driveway doing. My house isn't dated as such but it's not top spec just simple . It feels like it's not worth doing as I wouldn't recoup the cost. I would be devastated if I spend the money then still want to move..It would be like polishing a turd as there's definitely a ceiling value for the street.

If you can afford it just borrow what you need and extend your term. Obviously make sure monthly repayments are reasonable and leave you with something left over. Otherwise you’ll be miserable….imagine retiring and spending all your time for the rest of your life in a house you’ve hated for years.

If you move up and the shit hits the fan financially you can just downsize. You could also downsize if you want to retire early if it comes
to it.

Post-divorce, I'm renting for £1300 a month, and work from home.. for my 3 DC under 14, I need at least three bedrooms and ideally a workspace. Three bedroom semis around here in the South East are generally around £550,000. I am above average salary but I can't see it happening.

Your dissatisfaction seems to be more about money than the house itself.

If you want a nice kitchen then get one, don't worry about whether you will get the money back. If you go on a nice holiday you don't get the money back either, but it doesn't mean it isn't worth it.

What did your husband loose 70 grand on, that’s a massive sum for most people. Is it in some way adding to the resentment?

on one hand you basically say you will likely never be able to move and on the other say you won’t invest as you won’t get the money back when you do. It can’t be both,

unless We are flipping a house most of us replace our kitchens and bathrooms for us, not to make the profit back , the same with rhe driveway, although this would add a longer term value. Kitchen and bathrooms less so as in 15 years it’s back to dated and replacement window.

I think you sound resentful and I’d wonder if just how much money your husband lost and the fact you’ve likely friends upgrading and you’re now going to have to admit you likely can’t move is causing your issues.

Hi op we re kinda stuck in our house and I feel like I have finally accepted this.

Moved here 12 years ago with the intention of doing an extension and then moving on to a detached house.

12 years later we have done an extension and the house works for us inside but the house doesn:t have a garage and the garden is a bit small.

A detached house which is worth while moving to in our town is now £1.4Million. what with the stamp duty etc. it's just unaffordable. Some of the Victorians semis with the same space and garden what we have are £1.5 million. It's absolutely nuts

I'm always on Rightmove looking at houses but I've had a shift in my mindset now. I think we have been lucky.

We haven't had to move and pay £000s n tax, our mortgage is relatively cheap, our house is big enough and now all I want to think about is paying the mortgage off.

We have let ourselves spend a bit more in the house now. So we've had crittal style doors installed and a quooker tap and done the drive about £25k . Our reasoning was that although we may not get the money back it is our home and we like these things in the same way that some people like having a holiday chanel.handbag etc.

You don't want to completely blow a load of money if you have already lost £70k but if you could maybe see beyond the financial return and do things that you actually love it might make you feel a bit happier.

I'm coming round to this conclusion as well.

It's not so much the house, but I always expected to do a a lot of renovation to this house, and with building costs the way they are, I just don't see it happening. We'll redo the rooms as they are, including new kitchen etc. but it's looking doubtful that we'll extend or knock walls down.

I'm starting to see the attraction of not burdening ourselves with housing costs but having money for travel and a decent standard of living. I'd love to be able to drop down to much less stressful job in my 50s for instance, rather than work like I am now until I retire.

We have friends who have just moved to a bigger house. It’s lovely and I will confess to being a little jealous but they had to extend their mortgage and it won’t be paid off until he’s 70. I’ll be 55 when mine is finished…….

It sounds to me like you are thinking that your current house doesn’t reflect your status. That’s not a good way to think.

When I got divorced I bought a house I loved . It was a struggle at times as a single parent but I held onto the house. After 15 years I met a new partner but let my house out as I didn’t want to sell it . Fast forward 20 years and split with partner . I am so glad I kept my house as I was able to move back there with my teenage son but the area has changed a lot and I don’t like it now . I still have a mortgage approaching retirement due to ex losing his job and having to support him. There is no way I could move plus the house needs modernising BUT we have a secure roof over our head that is 5 minutes walk from the beach and close to amenities. I realise we are very lucky but I am envious of friends who are in their beautiful forever homes and mortgage free. I have decided I just need to try and make our house as nice as possible on a budget and learn to love it again .

I hoped my forever home would be a sweet cottage with a woodburner. Instead I'm in a 1980s terrace with little character. But the area is perfect. This will have to do. I'm 61 and retire soon so no more moving.
So I'm grateful to own my own home and I'm remodelling the interior to suit me. It won't cost much. I cant put a woodburner in here as no suitable wall so I'm getting a free standing bioethanol stove instead.

To be fair there’s every chance they will be able to pay it off much earlier , over payments, inheritance, savings, pension lump sums, remortgaging as he pays it off and reduces the total borrowings and then doing shorter terms , taking it longer decades in advance doesn’t always mean that’s how long you will actually be paying it for , it just means it reduces your payments now. It really isn’t an indication of what will ultimately happen.

When you say ugly? What's wrong with it? I think maybe some cosmetic work could greatly improve your view of the house