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Original poster

Moving after making a mistake last time...very anxious

25 replies

OUB1974 · 20/02/2023 15:03

I posted last year about our awful neighbours, who are very noisy, and the barking dogs in our street. We made a decision to move and now we're beginning the process.

I am so anxious about the whole thing. We've found a house we love - bigger than we thought as it needs a bit of work (dh is a builder so that's fine). My anxiety is through the roof though. It's so expensive to move and we're going from mortgage free to having a small mortgage (30-50k so manageable but £300 a month onto our budget and we are on quite a low income - its affordable, and we have some savings to start the work). The house is habitable but old fashioned (lots of potential!).

We're (hopefully) going to a slightly different area. Only half a mile down the road, but instead of an estate at the edge of a town, it's a large village. I'll have to drive the half mile to school on the days I work. I'm worried we are moving away from where our kids' friends will be, but on the other hand it's not too far.

The house is amazing. Detached with a lovely garden and no neighbouring gardens. But after last time I am so anxious and doubting everything. We have been here for 2 years and don't use 2 rooms because of the barking dogs. The garden is hell in the summer and I was so stressed last year. We need to move. If this falls through and we can't find another doer upper, then it will be a slight downsize, so this house really is the dream and will be wonderful. But I can't help worrying about the cost, the work, and the distance from school (only 0.6 miles but we're practically next door at the moment).

I need some sense talked into me! How do you get over the fear of making another mistake. We just can't afford to get it wrong again.

OP posts:

bunnibee · 20/02/2023 15:20

Go and park up outside it at all sorts of times of the day and night.

Listen and watch, and explain to whoever comes and taps on your window!!!!

Fakecrazy · 20/02/2023 15:24

You tell yourself that you can only do your best. You can only make intelligent, logical decisions and hope for the best. Nothing is 100% guaranteed, but you can't do more than you've done. The driving to school is the pay off. Most of us aren't rich enough to be able to tick every single box.

biedrona · 20/02/2023 15:49

I think that half a mile is a perfectly walkable distance - no need to drive!

RettyPriddle · 20/02/2023 15:52

A detached house with no near neighbours is worth the move (and the money). It sounds like a great opportunity

Original poster

OUB1974 · 20/02/2023 16:16

Thanks, goodness I have got myself into a state! The memory is still quite fresh from last time...

@biedrona we would walk on my days off, but I wouldn't get to work on time without taking the car on a walk day. I might get myself a bike!

It's still very close isn't it, and I'm being silly. We've always been spoiled with living so close to school. It makes it so easy. There's a but of a hill, which will get me fit! We've been saying for ages we like this village (in fact it's barely a village, there is a small field separating it from the town). I just want it to be next year and all over!

OP posts:

good96 · 20/02/2023 16:17

Visit the area at different times of day / time your commute to work with traffic.
Ask residents nearby what it’s actually like to live in the area - (don’t just the vendors word for it)
The fact that your DH is a builder is a massive advantage as renovation costs will be much lower - only downside is, it’ll probably take a bit longer as I’m guessing he will be out working and then renovating the house in his spare time?
You’re clearly not happy where you are and what you’ve wrote does tick the boxes to what you want - so go for it 😊

TuesdayJulyNever · 20/02/2023 16:46

Sometimes I find it helpful to remind myself that one day, this will be a memory. I mean I know it’s stating the very, very obvious, but just sitting with that thought calms me.

Have you taken time to walk around the neighbourhood at different times, and gone for a few drinks in the local pub? Take the steps that you can to reassure yourself.

AchillesLastStand · 20/02/2023 17:46

0.6 miles is the exact distance I walk my DS to school. I don’t drive and love the walk, except when it’s raining. I have very bad anxiety and find the exercise especially the early morning walk, helps my mental health. We are in a larger village. The community feel is wonderful. You see the same the same people walking their dogs each day.

We moved into our house 18 months ago and I was desperate to get a detached due to having noise anxiety, and we were very lucky we could afford it. The week we moved in I felt on top of the world in spite of the general house moving stress. Going from a semi, with really lovely neighbours I might add, to detached was the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Like you, I spent months before the move worrying about the decision I’d made but it turned out to the right one, and I’m sure it will for you too.

Lazym · 20/02/2023 19:11

I can understand you wanting to move and having some intrepidation but I'm sure things will work out fine for you. What is annoying is the fact that you've had to move because of inconsiderate neighbours. I get the feeling we are going to be in the same position soon. We live with in a once peaceful(ish) cul de sac, all detached bungalows. On one side we have a young family who can be a bit noisy in the summer but on the whole are not too bad. What is worrying me is our new neighbours (who are renting) who moved in just before Xmas. I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but I'm quite canny on judging how neighbours are going to be, and I smelt trouble. Even though they have their own drive for two cars, at least 4 times they or their visitors have parked outside our driveway, their dog is a yapper and they have 3 young kids whom I've not heard a peep from until Saturday when Amazon prime delivered a trampoline, which was quickly assembled and of course, put the side of the garden nearest to us even though there's plenty of room to put it the other side where there is the garage. I just needed to vent somewhere as, like the poster, I'm getting extremely stressed about the summer months. I don't feel that anyone else where we live are going to be bothered by them as we are the only ones unfortunate enough to have our garden next to theirs. So I'm already looking at right move to see what's about but at the same time why should I be put in this position? Why have I got to feel like I have to move, especially as they don't even own the property?

Original poster

OUB1974 · 20/02/2023 19:26

@Lazym that's it, isn't it? I feel incredibly resentful that this man has altered our lives so much. We will literally be 10s of thousands of pounds in debt because of him (and to be honest, it's not a great street. Lots of yappy dogs further down, and they all set each other off in the summer).

And I suppose I felt so excited about this house a couple of years ago. It's a lovely house but we confine ourselves to the dining room (which is where our sofa and TV now are). I don't want to get too excited as it can all go so wrong.

Thank you @AchillesLastStand , that is really positive. We are lucky that it needs so much work that was can afford detached!

OP posts:

Lazym · 20/02/2023 19:32

I think we all get stressed before completion, I'm sure it will work out fine, I'd love to be able to find a house that sounds similar to yours, very best of luck to you!

Original poster

OUB1974 · 21/02/2023 15:09

Thank you. Just got in to the dog barking non stop for half an hour so I think we need to bite the bullet! I just want to feel settled enough somewhere to start decorating and doing work in the garden. I haven't had that anywhere yet and I'm in my mid 40s. X

OP posts:

GreenestValley · 21/02/2023 18:07

Sorry, why would you be driving half a mile instead of walking? Do you have disabilities?

GreenestValley · 21/02/2023 18:09

Just quite shocked at the level of inactivity if that isn’t the case.

Half a mile is a ten minute walk, to suggest that’s a challenging distance or takes too long for young healthy people to walk on a daily basis is ludicrous and quite concerning.

Original poster

OUB1974 · 21/02/2023 18:41

No, I said upthread, on the days I work I wouldn't have time to drop my boys off at school and then walk back and be on time for work. The three days a week that one of us is home we would walk. I am quite lazy but it isn't the reason in this case.

OP posts:

BlueMongoose · 21/02/2023 20:36

Less than a mile is still very close to school. And having a detached will make you somewhat more immune to noisy neighbours in the future. A doer upper, if you have the skills and don't mind the mess, gives the opportunity to have the house exactly to your taste.
Good luck.

Lazym · 22/02/2023 16:09

OUB1974 · 21/02/2023 15:09

Know what you mean, I've never felt entirely comfortable in any house I've lived as an adult and I'm late forties! Maybe I expect too much!😃

Original poster

OUB1974 · 23/02/2023 09:44

They've sold the house we loved. Absolutely gutted.

OP posts:

pattihews · 23/02/2023 10:20

biedrona · 20/02/2023 15:49

I think that half a mile is a perfectly walkable distance - no need to drive!

This! It's half a mile: a 10-12 minute walk and around 1000 steps. It'll be good exercise for you.

Fakecrazy · 23/02/2023 10:38

@pattihews

RTFT

Sorry to hear this.

whereeverilaymycat · 23/02/2023 10:45

Sounds like you still need to move. Carry on as you were, so that you're ready for another house. There will be others, you may just have to play a longer game. Plus in this market, houses are coming back on more often, so you may yet get a shot at it. Maybe register with the agent your interest if it was to become available again?

Sorry to hear of your disappointment today though. Do something nice for yourself

Original poster

OUB1974 · 23/02/2023 13:37

Thanks @whereeverilaymycat . We do and I'm having the house valued and making sure the agents can help us to be ready to go. I just hope we can find one we love as much.

OP posts:

whereeverilaymycat · 23/02/2023 20:55

Fingers crossed for you, I'm sure the right house is out there.

BringMeTea · 24/02/2023 08:29

Good luck with it all. Selfish noise polluting neighbours SUCK! I would certainly move. Just do as much research as you can as pp say.

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 24/02/2023 09:41

Laughing my socks off at all the competitive exercise shamers who can't read the thread.
OP we moved out of our "mistake house" to a beautiful detached and I had anxiety especially about the new neighbours but it turned out to be a fantastic move. I'm still sad that we are now stuck in rented and selling the detached as DH moved for work. I bet your new house will be absolutely lovely and don't worry about those school drop-offs on work days, just spot where you can park before your first drive and it'll be fine.

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