Can’t decide to love it or list it

[Led9519]

I’ve posted before about leaving London to go back to NW.
We’ve just been up there for 5 days in an air bnb to see what it’s like just day to day…. It is where I grew up and they’re not on half term yet so saw my family briefly otherwise just cracked on with a visit to Chester, country park etc.

The whole time I was there I was thinking yep, all good let’s move back, test passed.

But back home this evening and I think about swimming lessons tomorrow, play date on Friday, kids clubs on Saturday and have started decluttering the house so it’s looking nice and then I think ‘no, I don’t want to leave.’

Eldest child is 5 and I really want to decide soon. The main reason for leaving is feeling lonely and not really seeing too many other people day in day out.
The main reasons for staying are we’ve been here 8 years, DD in a lovely school, it’s a nice area and I still need to be in London for work. I can commute down a couple of times a month if we moved though that will be a couple of hundred pounds.

I’m thinking about listing our house, seeing if we get an offer and then if we can find anything in the North West we love? That’s a big IF though on our budget as I want a particular area and we need the house to be at least the same size as our current one.
Basically to just take it step by step. Though I’d feel bad on our buyer if we end up staying and pull out of the sale.

WWYD? Can’t believe I spent all that money on an Airbnb and am still not sure!!

you say you want to move to see more people. but if you are wfh in the north, will you really see more people? won't it just be the same as at the moment, possibly with less colleagues if you are in the office less?

toss a coin - heads you stay.

then see if the coin landing heads makes you feel happy & optimistic or confused.

You’re definitely right to be thinking about it now. My kids are mid way through secondary and at the end of primary so we can’t move and I’m miserable where we live.

Realistically how many times would you need to be in London? How does your husband feel about a move? Are you close to your family?

Could you rent for a year (and rent your current house out too)? With such a big lifestyle change, it would put less pressure on the situation because you could go back to your old house if you didn't feel it was working out. If you sell up then it might make you very anxious when you're having doubts in the early days

I wouldn’t move, in your position. You just don’t sound anywhere near sure enough for such a massive upheaval.

Please don't put your house on the market if you aren't sure, it would be very unfair to accept an offer off someone if you aren't serious about it.

Agree. Vomiting to London will be a pain. I would work at making friends in London.

Commuting not vomiting!

I live in the northwest, will you be commuting by train? It’s insanely expensive and not hugely reliable. If you still need to be going regularly for work I’d not move personally

To answer questions, dh and I wfh in the week then at the weekends don’t see anyone. I’ve made an effort with mums but we only socialize with dc’s. And generally on weekends ppl aren’t around. It’s not good for our marriage.

I’d only commute if I could become a home worker and expense the cost. I’ve commuted Liverpool to London one day a week before and it was ok. I’ve offered to take a pay cut to fund this and lose 40% of that pay to tax anyway.

I don’t think it’s fair to pull out of a sale but the area we want to move to we might not find a house anyway as they’re generally bigger and more expensive than we need but they do come up occasionally. Obviously if we can’t find anywhere sale wouldn’t progress anyway.

can’t rent as have pets and early repayment charge on mortgage is currently £17k and not allowed to rent out my house under the terms.

I was set to stay then we face another weekend together just as a family after an intense half term together and yesterday took my kids to feed the squirrels to pass through a group of kids and older men smoking weed at 11am so I’m just a bed fed up. If work agree to my home worker status we don’t need to live here all on our own all the time.

To be clear it’s my twin sister, brother, parents and some old school friends still in the north west. Get on great with my twin and my kids love their Aunty, uncle and cousins.

I'd go for it. Sounds like you would be much happier being nearer family/friends.

I think if the house sold I'd go through with it though. Could you look a little further out from ur search area if u can't find anything or buy something smaller for now?

With your eldest being 5 I'd def do it in the next 2 years max before she starts to make proper friends and doesn't want to move schools.

I wouldn't move if you're not 100% committed.

No, we’d only move for this specific area as it has a nice school that’s not over subscribed and it’s most places are within 30 minute walking distance of my sister. If we’re going to move needs to be for the right location and a house we fall in love with. If we compromise on the location I know I’ll resent the move.
The air bnb stay did reassure me I’d be happy there and I do like where I live for different reasons. Just not sure which are the best reasons!
Estate agents have said they’d advise buyers not to spend any money on surveys etc until we find somewhere too. It’s not that uncommon for a sale not to go through if sellers can’t find a house themselves. It’s not great but I would really try to find somewhere to move to!

A few days when you are not working is not a good 'test'. Frankly the positives of where you are now outweighs your main reason for moving. You need to meet more people, and through school is a great way. You have to be bold though - meet another parent that you seem to have things in common and just suggest a coffee. That's what I did when my husband passed away and I realised how few friends I had. I instigated a weekly coffee morning after drop off that even those who worked could come to if they worked near by. Now have 4 close friends and another four who I see regularly in a group setting.

I'd think long term about the opportunities for your kids in London, and make more of a social effort there.

I’ve been in this house 8 years. I run a weekly buggy walk in the park with my youngest. I’m out for school drinks tonight if baby behaves. What I find is most people are spending quality time together as a family at the weekend as they don’t wfh or they go to meet family locally themselves at the weekend. My closest mum friends all have family within an hour whereas I don’t.
If you lived in an area with no family and both you and your husband became home workers why would you stay?
what’s pulling me to stay is my DD loves her school, we refurbished our house exactly as we want it and when they’re older we will get out in London more and I love the city. But I think possibly having family nearby might outweigh that?

I really feel is 6 of one and half a dozen of another and it’s a shame it’s not an easier decision!

Also I’ve been up plenty obviously the 5 days when we were up my sister was working and cousins where in school as it’s not their half term idea is it’s more realistic than a holiday there. We saw them for swimming on Sunday and after school playdate on Tuesday. The rest of the time we had to fill ourselves. So I think it’s as good as we’re going to get.

I'd give anything to have a group of loved ones within striking distance.
I know leaving London tends to be one way cos you priced out of a return, but even if you make some friends you'll never be their priority in the way you will be to family.
I'm sure for career reasons London has benefits, but life isn't all about career and money.

I have a sister who lives abroad, my kids don't have aunt's and cousins etc in their life except on zoom, and I wish they did as it would really add another dimension to their lives. The love they miss out on by the distance is huge because when we get together we are all so happy.
The reason we're apart is unavoidable but I would never choose the separation if there was a choice.
We feel like a little island with lovely people in our lives but no regular contact with the kind of people who would drop everything if you needed it. I think that's worth more than anything, it is so meaningful and good for your mental health.

Yes they plays on my mind then I talk to indignant northerners about the opportunities there! However all the people who seem to be there are wfh, dr’s, teachers or footballers!!

Ugh, I can understand the dilemma you're in because I was feeling the same last year. We'd sold our house and I thought it'd be better to move closer to family up north. We even saw a house we loved but in the end we bought locally (in London) because:

I grew up in a narrow minded community and didn't want to go there and for my children to be impacted by how others saw them or worse still, become like them and share their views. This is one of the reasons I moved away in the first place.

As much as I love my family and would want to be close to them, I wouldn't see them anywhere near enough as I'd want/need because they'd be working/busy with their own families and friends.

Our jobs are in London and we'd still need to travel back periodically= more hassle on top of managing the household which I couldn't be bothered with.

Rubbish transport links where I grew up- a one bus every hour kind of place which my children would hate as teens (I don't drive).

The culture- lots of it here and very accessible here in London vs where I grew up.

Exactly I just get stressed trying to work out what’s best. I would say being a community of teachers, dr’s etc I don’t find the community that narrow minded. But we’re white cis gendered couple so not sure I’d notice.

trabsport from the town is ok there’s a bus once an hour to Chester and every 15 minutes to Liverpool. The town is a lot quieter, more scenic and coastal/rural than where we currently are. Lovely for walks. Also I feel a bit safer there whereas here I am just trying to work out where I can park and feel safe for tonight’s mum drinks!

Sorry for typo’s pushing pram around for morning nap!

The only other test I can think to do is go up there for another 5 days just me and baby and again seeing how I feel. Mat leave can be quite isolating anyway. My parents are retired so can call in on them but they won’t have me every day!!
DH might be a bit annoyed left with the other two and no car though, they’re in school/childcare but he’s be doing everything himself.

I'd move OP. You sound unhappy. Making a huge life change like moving house is always difficult, so it's easy to keep putting it off until it's too late. Having made a huge move myself we needed a kick up the arse to do it, but looking back I'm so glad we did it and didn't put it off any longer. I say, feel the fear and do it anyway. You've got far more to gain by moving, from what I can see.

I'd move. It's about the people around you not the location imo.

And opportunities in London??? 😂 we manage very well outside London too for opportunities for ourselves and our children.