Going backwards to be in the village we like?

[LizzyBee9]

Ok so we have 2 kids (6&9) and we moved a year and a half ago to a largish house in the countryside (no walking distance to anything and just 2 other houses near by) which we thought we really wanted. We knew we would have to drive everywhere/ the kids wouldn’t have anyone else to play with / couldn’t just jump on their bikes and run up and down the street (as we don’t have one) but we thought the benefits of being in the countryside would outweigh the negatives… turns out we were wrong. The house is really lovely, but it’s cold and dark (200 year old cottage), we sit very high in the middle of a field so the wind is insane and always feels colder here and it’s just not what we hoped it would be. So it was a £310,000, 3 reception rooms and 3 large bedrooms.
We have just been to view a house in a village we have dreamed of moving to for years that is £210,000 a small newish end terrace 3 bed house, typical layout with just a living room and then a kitchen diner at the back, lovely little private garden. It is a LOT smaller than what we have, 107m2 compared to 160m2 that we have now. My husband thinks we should move as it’s all about the location, kids can walk to school, play out with friends etc. I’m worried it’s a massive step backwards to basically a starter house and it’s going to feel cramped with 4 of us. I just feels we have made so many bad decisions, I know don’t trust anything I think or feel and looking for some input / thoughts et so to help me work this out.
thanks

I think this answer nails it. I sense You just don’t want to live there. So you need to move. You’re just worried what folks will think as you will have moved to a cheaper smaller new build. Don’t worry about what others think, honestly.

nut whatever you decide you need to stick.

With all those improvements and summer on the way it's a great time to sell your country pile. 😁

Move to the village. No point in what you feel is a “higher status” house when you are not happy in it. A house should be a home. Smaller houses have lots of benefits, easier and cheaper to run etc.
Remote rural life can be very hard on children, and it doesn’t suit all adults either. A family member moved to a house like yours and his mental health got considerably worse. Some people love it, but many do not, so move somewhere that will make you happier, and when actually in the village, if you want a larger house, then you will find it easier to get one as you will hear of houses coming up for sale.

Can you talk us through what is so amazing about this particular village? Is there a social network for you as well as the children that you would really enjoy having close at hand? Fab amenities? Do you see the next house as a 'forever home' in which case, is there eg a doctor, decent public transport that would alleviate the need always to use a car as you get older? Or is that looking way too far ahead?!

I also wouldn't discount the freeing effects for teenagers of being able to organise themselves to get around and see people. Fix their own arrangements. Weighing up rural living versus village is not just about the impact on parents of being a mum and dad taxi. It's the liberating positives on kids having agency to branch out and grow up, become more mature etc.

Does the smaller house have a decent garden at least? Or if you are really so unsettled have you considered leafletting all the houses to see if anyone else is thinking of moving? It sounds as if your own house would shift quite fast if you have done so much to it. So difficult to decide!

Oh god I would definitely move. We moved from a 3 bed detached to a quite ugly 3 bed semi to be back in the village we left 7 years before. I can't say I love this house but we all love living back here and it has improved the lives of all three of us immeasurably.
We have remodeled the interior and replaced the kitchen, and we are about to start a small extension to give us a bit more space, downstairs shower room etc. The more we change the house to suit us, the more I like it and we have never, ever regretted making the move.

Is your house on the market? If not, then it's likely this house will sell before you're in a position to make an offer.

I think I’d move to the village. Quality of life and kids being able yo play out is worth so much. I do “get” the honesty about what people think. But the status of the detached house doesn’t help when it’s cold and people aren’t popping round.

id check the new place gets lots of sun. What direction does it face? I’d consider building a (proper not a glorified shed) garden room that could be used as extra reception room as kids get older. Life is short.

I’d move. We bought a 4 bed “forever”
home as our 1st house - was affordable buy stretched ourselves then the market crashed etc and we were stuck. I hate the house, the area, everything but my kids are older & so the benefit of moving is not the same for us& we’re “stuck”
as it’ll be paid off in about 7 years but in your case i’d do it especially as you always liked the village and who cares if it’s “going backwards” if it makes you happier then ultimately thats going forward and it’s about whats right for you all. It’s also cheaper, kids can play out, you can walk & socialise more & being end of terrace potentially extend? It’ll be a big change from the space and part of the reason we didn’t move years ago was because it was smaller and i wish i had just did it as i think we would all have been happier in a smaller house. I have 3 kids though as
i had twins 2nd time so being in this house has had that advantage and all my bedrooms are good sizes so are you done on the kids front? If so you’ll have enough space and more money in your pocket

I think the location will make a huge positive difference.

We lived in an 85sqm house with 2 kids, moved when they were 7 and 9. It wasn't too bad space wise, we had to be clever with storage though and kept a lot in the attic.

I would move to the new build & if there is money left over could you do extension? Do you also have possibility of buying a second place as investment? Holiday home? I don't think kids are as fussed about being in the countryside. It's better for them to be able to go out & about.

Actually I just read your thread from 2020. Where you stated you had never been happy in your house and your “ dream” was space, land, animals etc, and so you got it, and now, I mean this gently, you have a totally different dream of living centrally. 18 months later. Your husband only agreed ro move last time as he accepted you were never going to be happy there. And the same thing is happening again in this place.

it seems you’ve not been happy in a property for a long time. Wherever you move you’re unhappy and want the opposite to what you have. The dream changes immediately.

so I’d ask myself honestly, are you going to be happy in the new build? Because this must be costing you a fortune. And huge upheaval for your family.

im sorry for saying it straight, but before everyone moves again you need to think , can you agree to settle there for a period?

I would wait for something a bit bigger as I think older kids value space. Are you also considering which high school they will go to, transport for that etc?

I have never heard of "downsizing" being referred to as "going backwards"

I understand what she’s saying, she’s trying to move up the property ladder at this stage, not move back down, which is what most folks do when the kids leave home etc. so yes, going backwards.

however as said, I think there is a deeper issue here. The op was not happy in her last house either. Her husband agreed to move to the current one as it was her dream and she wasn’t happy in the last one. She’s now decided the dream is very different and she’s not happy in this one either.

being Repeatedly unhappy and having these “dreams” maybe a sign of something else. As in she might just be unhappy and won’t settle any where. If that’s the case, the new build won’t work. She will still be unhappy but this time due to size, lack of storage, neighbour noise etc.

If houses are as rare as you say, then thinking practically, can you afford to buy the house before you've sold the one you are in? Because realistically if you haven't yet got a buyer then is moving to this house even an option when it comes down to it?

I would move. Once you are established in the village, you can get to know people and in a few years’ time you may get a bigger house off market through word of mouth.

Your mortgage will be lower, which with rising interest rates is a good thing. House prices are stagnant or even falling so selling high and downsizing now is a good move.

Having said all that, does the village you like really give you the ideal lifestyle you want for the future or would you be better off moving to a small town than a village?

18 months is really not long and you’ve shelled out for stamp duty, moving costs and home improvements.

I do agree with moving somewhere less isolated, but I would not jump for this house. As a pp says this next move needs to stick. The small new build is too much of a compromise and you’d be back browsing rightmove again in no time.

Take your time; look at other villages or nearby towns with more properties in your budget. It sounds like you can afford the right size of house it just doesn’t exist in this village. Why does it have to be this particular village? Also consider secondary, it’s not far off for your eldest now so make sure there are good options and ideally they would be able to get to school/meet friends independently at that stage. Don’t fixate on this one village.

It was my dream, but I don’t think I would be the first person to think they wanted a life in the countryside only to realise after living the reality, that’s it’s not for them. Trust me, it’s been a hard pill to swallow that I got it wrong, but people make mistakes, we think we want a thing and then realise it doesn’t live up to the dream. As much as I worry too much what other people think of me and my situation, I still think it’s ok to try something and realise it’s not for us, and the only we we would ever know this is to have tried it. It is costing us a fortune and it’s massively upsetting and disrupting to us all. Hence why I’m struggling with the decision. It’s what’s making every decision I have to make so so hard because I know how wrong I got it last time and I can’t trust my own thoughts on anything.

where I live there are very few places I would consider to move, this is one of the only places. The secondary school is in the next town but all the kids from the village get the bus there and back so he will still be with his peers. I do worry we are jumping from one bad decision to the next but also so aware of how quickly time is passing and ideally if we decide to move we need to do it before my son is any older as it will get harder and harder for him. If we wait another 2 years for the perfect house, it will be too late. I wouldn’t move my son going into a new secondary school not knowing anyone.

We are very lucky that we have made really good profit off our last house so we have a really small mortgage anyway compared to the price of our house. If we moved to a smaller house we could either be mortgage free or just have the money for the future.

End terrace sounds lovely. We had one before we moved to our semi, which isn't loads bigger. If it means a smaller mortgage even better. If the side return is wide enough, put in a 'lean to' style shed immediately for storage at the very least.

Choose happy.

I wish I knew what would make us all happy 😩 I don’t think i could survive another mistake

Location is key - it's not the right house but will suit someone else. And if you are in the village you might get to hear of something else coming up. I know what you mean about what people think....but years of ferrying the kids round while you prowl right move....doesn't sound much fun.

107 m sq is not tiny
End terrace you can potentially extend