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Original poster

Where would you live if you couldn't have kids?

43 replies

HungryTruck · 05/02/2023 08:21

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for nearly two years. We are currently being referred for IVF on the NHS, but I'm realistic about the fact that it's going to be a long wait and we may not get the result we want at the end of it.

It's obviously been a very tough experience and, while we are still hopeful, we are finding it helpful to start planning the life we want if it's just us two forever.

We currently live in a 3-bed terrace on the South coast. We love our house, but it's in a location that's known for being a bit 'rough' with bad traffic and not much to do. We moved here because it was cheap for the region and near family (who would have happily supported with childcare), but not necessarily where I would have chosen to settle had I thought we'd be childless.

So, my question is - where would you live if you were childfree? Or where do you live if you are? And what kind of property would you choose and local amenities would you prioritise?

OP posts:

Whatislove82 · 05/02/2023 11:14

I adore where I live

but if I didn’t have children, not a chance I’d have moved out of London

touterustome · 05/02/2023 11:15

Don't move to a non-child friendly place now if you're waiting for Ivf. It's good you're being realistic of your chances but also it might work. You've still got plenty of hope ahead of you. If you want to spend money on something spending it on private IVF to speed things up if the wait is very long

PauliesWalnuts · 05/02/2023 11:33

I live in a semi rural area north of Manchester, in a little cottage. It backs on to the hills that we love, is 90 mins away from the Lakes and Peak District, an hour away from the coast, and Manchester Airport is a quick whizz around the M60 for when we travel. The city centre is 15 mins by train for when I want my culture/shopping fix.

When it really hit me that I wasn’t going to have children I made a conscious decision that this wasn’t going to ruin my life - I was just on a different path than the one I thought I was going to be on. My location has made it fairly easy for me to make friends with other women who don’t have children, and they have been a priceless addition to my life. Nearly one in five women born around 1975 won’t have kids - there’s a surprisingly large amount of us, and we’re out there.

Freetodowhatiwant · 05/02/2023 13:53

I would live somewhere where everything is on your doorstep, like Brighton or Hove, maybe Kemptown or in a lovely flat in Brunswick Terrace. Walking distance to everything, close to the countryside for breaks and not far from London for a London fix. But I would also travel A LOT. Off-peak times, a month here and there (work willing).

SarahShorty · 12/12/2023 16:29

I know this thread is almost a year old, but I thought I'd chime in and say that I'm in sort of a similar situation, although we're not looking to move, we're just coming to terms with the possibility that children may not be in our future. It's not been easy, but it's certainly setting in.

My DH and I have been trying for two years a combination of natural attempts and private fertility treatment and all we've had are early losses. He's 35 and I'm 36, so it's not like we've left it that late. We're thinking it's probably that we make bad embryos.

You're not alone.

ThanksItHasPockets · 12/12/2023 16:37

If schooling weren't a consideration we would live on the coast somewhere.

Mydogisscratching · 12/12/2023 16:43

London! Three rounds of IVF done, no baby and now no partner. This is where I am. Why would you want to live anywhere else

(Ps if you can I'd go straight to private IVF. NHS was awful for me and I wasted years of my life waiting for and then doing it)

Helenahandkart · 12/12/2023 16:48

We moved from the city centre to a three-bed with a big garden in a slightly rough estate when we were having fertility treatment, which was unsuccessful. We wanted space for our soon-to-be family. I love our house, but every day I look at the big garden and the empty bedrooms and think about what they represent and it makes me sad.
Had I known that I wouldn't have a family I would have opted for a smaller and better connected house.

Perimama · 12/12/2023 16:51

I think I would move to Brighton, or New York...

mondaytosunday · 12/12/2023 16:51

Central London! Chelsea if money no object. I'd want two bedrooms though for visitors. Plus an office. A small roof terrace would be nice too.

PastorCarrBonarra · 12/12/2023 16:59

A city centre with lots going on and fewer families would be my pick.

Dollmeup · 12/12/2023 17:24

I'd move back to the city I think. I liked living in a flat as I can't really be bothered with garden maintenance. I'd buy a lovely 2 bedroom one, with a little balcony if possible. I'd probably give up my car as I was always quite happy to use buses and now food deliveries are a thing shopping would be even easier.

I'd like an area with cafes and bars, and a park within walking distance. Also a gym in easy bus or walking distance.

I liked the convenience of city living and being able to go to concerts, theatre and a variety of restaurants and bars. I love my life now but we are in a rural ex country estate and though it's good for having kids, it's limited for adult activities!

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 12/12/2023 17:33

Whitley bay, the bonus it has great schools too just incase.

fivegoldrings9 · 12/12/2023 19:08

We have one child and have outgrown our flat in London, so are moving to another town where there are better schools and we can have a bigger home etc. If we did not have to factor in children, I would stay here, where I can hop on the train at a moment's notice to go to a concert or the theatre. I'm really going to miss all the cultural offerings of London!

fivegoldrings9 · 12/12/2023 19:18

Oh just realised this is an old thread! How are things now?

BlueMongoose · 12/12/2023 19:40

Not having to worry about school catchments can open up more options for houses. (we have never had kids and it does seem to be a big worry for parents, of course, I can see why).
I think you're being very sensible thinking the way you are, about finding happiness in other ways. It's easy for me to say, of course, as I never wanted children of my own, and I dearly love my job, which would always have come first with me, which was one reason why I never felt it would be right to have children, but it is possible to find other ways of being happy- some of them may even involve children if that isn't too painful for you. I used to help out with my local RDA (Riding for the Disabled) group, for example, with the children, and I enjoyed it very much. We did all sorts where we used to live, got involved with community projects, took on an allotment, were both in the same choirs- all of which would have been tricky has we had kids as we were not living close to family. And my job did take me away sometimes, which was no problem at all without kids.

Pshop55 · 09/01/2024 19:34

California - Santa Monica probably

sadnc · 09/01/2024 19:36

Northwich, Cheshire

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