Depressed in new house

32 replies

hoipolloih · 04/12/2022 10:59

When will this cloud of doom lift?

On mat leave. Baby is six months old. Spent most of my mat leave so far in our old tiny rental, desperate for the purchase to complete. Now we've moved in and I've realised how much there is to do to make it feel like home and it's so hard with a baby as time is so limited.

I just feel so dejected and demoralised. It's a lovely location but we had lots of work done to a really poor standard. Theres so much stuff everywhere and nowhere for it to go. I'm realising that my mat leave will end and I will have spent the entire thing in messy environments just wishing to feel like I was in a home.

/ fully aware I sound like a dramatic first world problem wanker but forgive me please /

How long til you moved and it felt like home?
My partner works full time so the weekends feel really frantic with trying to get practical stuff done, just feel like I can't enjoy life at the moment because we can't actually do anything except DIY!

OP posts:

BlueMongoose · 09/12/2022 21:19

MariaDingbat · 05/12/2022 11:37

We were in exactly the same position last year. Moved from a rented home into our new house with a 6 month old after a year long purchase wrangle. It was tough. It felt like someone else's house for a few months as it took time to redecorate and make it ours. I spent the rest of my maternity leave trying to sort the place out and we still have boxes in the spare room and hardly any pictures on the walls!

What really helped though was to focus on one room at a time, we usually gave ourselves a month to get the work done to each room so as to not overload ourselves and it felt a realistic timeline. We painted the living room and study (my husband had to work from home) before we moved in so that we had two useable rooms as a base. We camped out in the spare room with boxes and suitcases for a month while we painted the master bedroom, built wardrobes and got furniture organised, then all 3 of us moved in there. Then we painted the baby's room and set it up as her nursery and she moved in there. Then we focused on getting the curtains and blinds up throughout, then the new light fittings, then taking up the decking and getting the garden ready for summer and so on. We just finished the kitchen and hall 18 months after moving in. The stairs and landing are next!

I've just started maternity leave again and we still have things to do but it feels much more like home than it did. I'm actually looking forward to finishing things off this time and have great plans to turn the spare room into a playroom! 😀

Gosh you've done masses in just a year, I'm impressed!
We're 3 years in......🙄But to be fair, we knew it needed a lot of 'big' work, like rewiring and roofing etc. not just decor and surface things. I figured 3 years for the big stuff, then 2 for the cosmetics. Thanks to covid and and illness and death in the family, I think we're about a year behind schedule, but (dare I say it?) I think we're catching up, just a little, at the moment.

reno22 · 09/12/2022 21:22

@hoipolloih they are lovely tbf. It's just I'd hoped to be celebrating my first Christmas as a mum in our new family home.

I'm fine and you will be too. When we look back we'll both remember our babies and the love

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 09/12/2022 22:17

We'll be 2yrs in, in February and I go back to work full time after a year maternity leave.
The house is still such a state and it makes me feel crap all the time. I have the baby and a toddler, my DP has 3 jobs and we're doing as much as we can with the renovation but it's just too much.

We still don't have a finished room that we can feel good about and use to relax. It makes me hate the house and regret moving here. It's just problem after problem we're uncovering and I can't see an end to it.

YukoandHiro · 11/12/2022 19:20

Oh OP, I'm glad I've found this thread. I feel the same.
I have toddler and a 5yo at school, I work four days but from home.
We moved in October, everything needs doing and the quotes we've had are astonishingly high so we've had to abandon some of our initial ideas.
Everything is broken/leaking/damaged you name it and we've already dropped £25k on decorating and carpets. Lots of rooms need replastering so we're literally living with two kids inside a building site.
I'm exhausted as we basically don't have a proper home right now so the only actual time I get to be/relax is literally a few hours a nigjtin my bed.
I was desperate to leave our old place and I can sort of see the potential but I'm seriously miserable right now. We thought we had the money to do it up how we wanted but due to a number of circumstances the truth is now we really don't. We should have held out for something in a better state of repair.
OP, I know it's tough on mat leave financially but can you as a couple afford to pay a handyman/decorator or whatever you need it get a few of the worst jobs done?

Hollywolly1 · 11/12/2022 20:12

I know how busy it is with a baby but just stop! If baby is healthy that's brilliant and the the house as you said yourself is in a lovely location, I think you have it all and it takes mist people years to get something perfect if their is any such thing.
You don't need everything perfect before you return to work anyway.
I am a mother with older children so from my experience if you are trying to get everything perfect well......I'll tell you when I get there🤗

PepperRed · 11/12/2022 20:52

So sorry to hear of your struggles, especially with babies. Just see that last post perfection is unobtainable. Be kind to yourselves , good luck with your renovations and enjoy your children while you can.

YukoandHiro · 02/01/2023 22:05

It's been a bit of a journey so far but just wanted to jump onto this post again and say tonight for the first time I'm feeling "at home" and relaxed watching tv in the living room. It's been two months since we moved and we're doing a lot of Reno work so lots of disruption but the carpets are being fitted this week so finally a moment of peace in sight I think.

I hope others are feeling more settled too

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