Siblings

[Onwardsandupwards25]

Bought a house and have two girls (primary age and secondary) one room is quite a bit bigger and feel their is going to be arguments! I would normally say the older child gets the bigger room? How shall I tackle this, we are just in rented at the mo with both bedroom being equal size. Shall I just tell them which room they will be in?. Also there is a lovely conservatory that I was thinking of the eldest gets the smaller room I would kit out the conservatory as a space for the kids eldest to hang out with her friends?

am I being too soft?

Hmm, I'd discuss it with them. And kit out the small room well with a high sleeper bed to make it attractive. If they both still want the same, then I'd say youngest first with any bulky/shared toys in the big room, then when youngest is in secondary they swap to give eldest a turn, then when eldest goes to uni or whatever swap again. Or some kind of swapping arrangement anyway depending on exact ages and practicalities.

Usually by secondary they don't have as many toys taking up room. My sister had this and worked on a stuff basis, how much stuff does each child have? My two just use their rooms to sleep in as we have a dedicated playroom downstairs.

Work out what each child needs, so secondary would be a space to do school work, whether that is in her room or better somewhere like the conservatory where you can keep an eye on what they are accessing, all the better. Then work out sleeping arrangements.

Their priorities may not even be size - I chose the smallest room when I was given the choice as it was furthest from my parents!

If you are single then could you take the smallest room?

I think the child at secondary school needs somewhere to do their homework, so they could have the bigger room. You could always use some storage in there too, so make it feel more fair that way. And a high or a mid-sleeper in the small room might improve things for the younger child too.

Who is messier?
in my experience if you give a messy child a big room they can just make way more mess before it comes to a h3 and (I.e. they can’t get in room, find stuff etc). Moving the messier one to the small room meant it limited the sheer amount of dirty clothes, dirty cups, lost homework etc .
I kid you not
worked a treat in less stress from lost things, me getting narked etc.

I would do eldest gets the bigger room, then they’d get a quiet space for homework. If she goes to uni you could think about swapping the rooms.
Maybe the conservatory could be a play room for your younger DC.

I would also add, that making the consevatory a teenagers social space is a definitely yes if you can do this. My 2 had this. A dedicated room with entertainment system (tv,ps2, pc, music centre, guitars and speakers etc) . It meant we could keep an eye on internet use, and limit screen use. In turn their mates always wanted to come over as room was always available just for them. It also meant we never had opposite sex gf/bf in personal bedrooms. We even had a few blow up mattresses they’d put up for sleepovers. He,led that it was extension room and solid outside walls meant good sound proofing form the noise
they loved it. Worth buying the house for 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

Oh my word Thankyou so so much for all these responses!!! There are things I had defo not thought about!

I’m not single x

My friend who could not afford it spent a fortune on remortgaging her house and building an extension, when her son complained his room was too small. (He'd had a built in bed that he wanted removed, despite being told his room
Was too small to fit a normal bed and desk etc in.) they compromised and he has extra downstairs space now. But I think it was a really stupid thing to do as she's in massive debt now.

Ask them, you might be surprised at who wants which room. My 3 DC liked the feel of their rooms and each chose their own without any disagreement.

If they do argue, toss a coin.

You can always insist on rotating every 18 months or so - good opportunity to have a proper clear out!

Depending on the upstairs layout is there a wall you can move to make the small room bigger by taking space from the room next to it?

Our youngest got the smallest box room by default. It was perfect as a nursery but when 2nd DS came along we moved DS1 to the bigger room so DS2 had the nursery. We did ask if they wanted to share a bedroom for sleeping and maybe have the smaller room as a playroom.
we didn’t really have any other options as we don’t have a spare room or conservatory.

Theyre now teens and we are moving house so they both have bigger rooms as the youngest doesn’t even have room to study at the moment.

if you have a spare room, dining room you don’t use or conservatory that could be an option for a den or hang out space.

If you have a garage could you convert? Or a garden building?

i didn’t think of the garage! Yes it does have one!, I think that would be an option as their is already a driveway for the car. The garage might be a better option than the conservatory. To be honest my eldest daughter is so laid back and placid it’s the youngest one who would kick off probably, I think the idea of a swap at some point would be good also and because they are both girls this wouldn’t be too difficult x

Oh gosh really? That’s awful that she’s ended up in a lot of debt because of it 😓

It’s funny you should say that as my eldest was drawn to the room in house we are in at mo as it had this built in small cupboard things which she loved

I had a massive room and a tiny one. The Older dc had the bigger room until younger dc decided they wanted the larger room. To persuade the older child to move I told them I'd decorate the room to look utterly fantastic in their taste but I wouldn't redo the large room. Worked a treat.

I live in a house where the bedrooms are unbalanced in size and my youngest uses a downstairs room instead of the more usual upstairs rooms.

@Onwardsandupwards25 I can't believe she didn't just tell him that's she'd told him that the bed needed to stay as it was, and that was that. He's well old enough to understand.

Sorry?

Sorry I didn’t realise was this was in response to 🫣 yes I totally agree!!!

Bigger room to the younger so she has space for toys and isn't spreading them everywhere - explain this to eldest. Make smaller room more cosy like a den. Secondary age they tend to curl up in a corner with their devices etc anyway. Make sure she has space for friends though.

Unless one has a hobby which takes up more space e.g. instrument? Then they prpbably have more need of the larger room.