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Original poster

never-ending doubt about house decision! Please help!

38 replies

Monkeyportrait · 11/10/2022 16:19

I know there are a few 'small' house threads on here, but this one is quite specific to the impending economic crisis and I wondered if anyone had any advice.

We started to look for our first house earlier in the summer ((we are 40 and 42 with one DC, hoping to have a second); we saw a place nearby in London that we liked. We managed to get an offer accepted, and immediately stopped looking at other places, but I also felt that the house, although nice, was too small.

It is a maisonette with a small living room and a semi-open plan kitchen downstairs (that's all), and two small double bedrooms upstairs, plus bathroom. Those are the only rooms, 70sqm. There is a nice yard which feels a bit like part of the house. DH will have to work in a garden shed (no room comfortably for desk in the bedroom, and the living area would be grim if it were an office).

Places that are big enough for us are about 20k out of our budget and we can't raise anymore. But I've always had a feeling of claustrophobia about this place even though it is nice. It's in a good area, near our friends, but I have insomnia and the idea of having to regularly sleep on the sofa gets to me, plus having DH work in a shed.

It was very difficult to get a mortgage - they queried the cladding on the house (which is actually fine) and we lost one mortgage because they didn't want to lend on an ex-local for various reasons. It took us four months to get one, which we secured just before interest rates went crazy.

Today is the last day I have to make a decision on this place because they are waiting for us to complete - but yesterday I was actually sick with the stress of trying to balance up the "should" against the feeling that it wasn't quite right, and I've certainly never been sick with stress before :(

We would intend to stay five years max, but it might not be easy to sell. On the other hand, we are in a secure rental owned by my brother which is ours if we want and in a good area. Also two beds.

If we DON'T move into the new place, we lose our pre-hike mortgage (3.2%) and remain out of the housing market for around 2/3 years at least, providing interest rates did actually come down.

We are trying to have another child: if I get pregnant, I won't be able to get a mortgage because I'll be on maternity leave... DH says this is our last chance. I keep thinking it isn't, but also worrying that it is (hence puking).

I feel like I'm going completely nuts because I can see all these reasons for moving now, but I also feel really depressed about moving to somewhere that is too small and we have to sell on within five years.

X

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeyportrait · 11/10/2022 16:28

PS I should add, although it is in a good area it is not somewhere I wanted to live long term, so that is another factor. It's not like the surroundings are perfect and just the house too small. We could theoretically keep DH in school here though (she is 2.5) and just travel to school every day from wherever our second home would be.

OP posts:
TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 11/10/2022 16:32

Stay where you are, it sounds like too much of a risk for a house you do not love and do not intend of staying in (in fact you have outgrown it before you even move in). Nobody has a crystal ball to know what will happen with house prices / interest rates but to commit to a house that makes you vomit is crazy!

Ilikewinter · 11/10/2022 16:34

Oh wow, youve got all the way to completing today and you want to pull out?.

It sounds like youve already decided this house isnt for you, can you convince your DH?

sunshinesupermum · 11/10/2022 16:37

Stay put. If your brother's place serves the same purpose as the small house, stay there until things calm down. If rates go up house prices will inevitably come down. If you have another child the children can share the second bedroom for some time yet.

sunshinesupermum · 11/10/2022 16:38

Are you completing tomorrow OP??? If so you will lose your deposit ... but it may still be the better decision to stay put if your DH agrees.

ChicCroissant · 11/10/2022 16:46

Do you sleep on the sofa currently OP, what would be different about your insomnia in your new home than your current one?

I would ask if you always get like this with decisions, OP - some people do. It seems strange to get this far into the process and then suddenly come up with all these reasons why you don't like it, which makes me think it might be a pattern with you. You've said that you can't afford the kind of house you'd like, you stopped looking as soon as you found this one so you must have liked it at the time.

VampireCat · 11/10/2022 16:49

Complete or exchange? If you’re waiting to complete you’ve left it very late and it’ll cost you the deposit.

FiloPasty · 11/10/2022 16:53

Can you ask for a final viewing saying you want to measure for furniture/curtains etc?

Is there space to extend anywhere? Loft or garden?

Go again and see how you feel.

I personally think that buying over renting you will make money, you can make the space your own and it will become home.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/10/2022 16:56

Why would you be sleeping in the sofa? Just be considerate of your partner.

I have insomnia and float around the house like a ghost.

Why leave it until the last day? Is this not being very unfair to the people you are buying from? Make your mind up.

berksandbeyond · 11/10/2022 17:13

Another one who doesn't understand why you'd be sleeping on the sofa?

I definitely wouldn't be TTC if I were you - put that on hold at least for now.

I personally would buy the house.

Mistywindow · 11/10/2022 17:20

You complete tomorrow?

You mean exchange?

Your poor sellers if you pull out now.

Ubbee · 11/10/2022 17:26

It sounds a bit like you’re overthinking it? If you’re only planning to be there for 5 years then it’s not the end of the world if it’s not your forever house?

Personally I’d go for it, before your income drops again and you lose your interest rates. Perfect homes in London in areas you like don’t really exist unless you’ve got mega mega bucks!

Original poster
Monkeyportrait · 11/10/2022 18:00

Hello all - thank you very much for your responses. No we aren't completing tomorrow: the process has been in train for a very long time and the sellers took over a month to action their solicitors; I think they were ambivalent about selling too. We lost one mortgage a month ago, then another would only lend us 15% of what we needed. We had to tell the seller this last week and she said she couldn't drop the price. We managed to scrape another five grand together and feel she might take it, but that's what made me flip as it suddenly put me back at the start of the process when I was worried that the place is too small.

DH thinks it's all we can find. I know if he was more relaxed about our chances of finding somewhere else, I would be too.

Re the insomnia, sorry - a bit confusing I know! When I can't sleep I have to go on the sofa, and I think the idea of another five years without the option of a box room with a bed to go to is doing my head in, if it's a place we are BUYING. If that makes sense. At the mo, one of us can go in our DH's room as there is a double bed in there next to her cot. We would not have this in the new place as it would be her nursery and is not really big enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeyportrait · 11/10/2022 18:02

So in short, not about to complete, I think that would still be a few weeks away. The sellers have been as slow to shift as we have all along, I think because of the uncertainty of everything at the moment.

I think we got stuck on it as the right place, possibly because DH felt more strongly about that than me, as I had doubts and he was able to rationalise his.

OP posts:
starpatch · 11/10/2022 18:13

Honestly it sounds fine if you want to stay in London. Yes prices may fall slightly but you have a good mortgage deal.

Original poster
Monkeyportrait · 11/10/2022 18:14

PS ChicCroissant - yes I think I do get like this. My indecision is caused by having a strong feeling and telling myself to get over and rationalise it, or I'm being selfish and DH will resent it, and I'll deprive us of a home etc etc

OP posts:
PurBal · 11/10/2022 18:15

You can get a mortgage on maternity leave. You don’t have to declare that you are pregnant and they can’t ask. If you apply whilst on maternity leave then they may take into account your earnings, a good broker will be able to advise.
Given you are FTB I would get on the property ladder.

NoSquirrels · 11/10/2022 18:31

we are in a secure rental owned by my brother which is ours if we want and in a good area. Also two beds.

Stay there.

The market is likely to crash, and if it doesn’t by some miracle then it’ll certainly stagnate.

I wouldn’t buy somewhere now that’s towards the bottom rung of the ladder. I would stay put and wait.

Howiethegerbil · 11/10/2022 18:52

I'm sorry but I don't think I'd buy if I were you. Your feelings are valid and it's clearly not the right place if you're already having such negative reactions to it and aren't excited. You have a secure home for as long as you'd need so you're not losing anything. Your feelings aside, the market has definitely slowed to a crawl since your offer was accepted and if it crashes you'd potentially be stuck there for longer than you'd like to be.

Howiethegerbil · 11/10/2022 18:55

To add to that, we bought our first home just before the last crash (136k flat in a decent area up north) and made a loss of just over 15k off what we'd paid when we came to sell 5 years later. Absolute nightmare and miracle we ever got to move.

FiloPasty · 11/10/2022 19:11

@Howiethegerbil we’re you worse off than if you’d rented though?
15k over 5 years works out a cost of £250 a month, wouldn’t it have cost more than that in rent? Just another way to look at it.

FiloPasty · 11/10/2022 19:11

*were

starpatch · 11/10/2022 19:23

I would actually work out which the most likely school is and book a visit they will be doing tours TIL Christmas.

Howiethegerbil · 12/10/2022 08:59

FiloPasty · 11/10/2022 19:11

@Howiethegerbil we’re you worse off than if you’d rented though?
15k over 5 years works out a cost of £250 a month, wouldn’t it have cost more than that in rent? Just another way to look at it.

I've never thought of it that way actually. At the time regretted ever buying it, took pretty much all of the deposit we'd put into it and took 7 months to sell. Hated it by the end.

If I suspected another crash, and I do looking at our area, I'd definitely be keeping money in the bank earning interest now the rates are rising and wait it out for the next year. Had this conversation with DH and he disagrees and thinks buy it. You can get a mortgage on Mat leave so don't worry too much if that's your choice.

Original poster
Monkeyportrait · 12/10/2022 09:57

Thanks so much for all the responses which I'm reading over and over. Feel sick with stress again! I guess my main problem is, if we wait till next year, we are highly unlikely to get an affordable mortgage comparable to this 3.2% one - so it's irrelevant whether actual house prices drop? Really appreciate your husband's input too! 😂

OP posts: