How to move with toddlers

[MarianneVos]

I'm hopefully moving in a few weeks. I've arranged a second viewing for this week which I'll bring my DC to (3 years old). We may or may not have exchanged by then (one very small issue to resolve).

If we haven't exchanged, would you tell your DC 'this is where we will move to' or just 'this is a nice house, we might move here' kind of thing?

Any other tips on how to prepare them? I've read a few books/watched some TV episodes about moving and have stressed how exciting it would be, how if you move all your toys come etc.

I can't work out whether it's better to talk about it lots to help prepare them or whether that makes it more of a big deal? The timing is not great as I've just had another DC so they've already gone through a lot of change recently, so I'm keen to make it as easy as possible for them to adjust. We're only moving a few miles, just to a bigger house.

Any advice welcome!

The early years staff at our playgroup thought we should talk to
our DC age 2 about moving, before we moved. Maybe don’t be too specific about the house until you’ve exchanged though. Good luck

Thanks, I'll start talking in general. Trouble is that if this doesn't work out out might be months later! But I guess it can't hurt to raise the idea with them.

I work with families who move countries.
My advice at this age.

Yes talk to them.
Try not to do it too far in advance. One month is enough.
Be factual and cheerful.
Listen out for questions, as they often misunderstand parts of it (like the child who was very unhappy that they were flying to Spain, because they didn't have wings and couldn't fly!)
As soon as possible, get a photo of the new house.

Use a simple framework - leave well, allow space for grief, look to the future.

So, say goodbye to neighbours (nursery if moving) and take time to say goodbye to favourite places eg the park and the garden.
Take time to read a moving house story (Usbourne used to do a good one for pre-school) and then some time to say we will be sad to say goodbye to.... This allows space for worried/sad feelings
Talk about the new house - lets put these in the box and then we can take them to your new bedroom. We'll take your bed too. We could paint your new bedroom, I wonder what colour you would like?

For this visit, take her with you, be positive about the house, take a photo and as soon as you have exchanged you can say - do you remember?

If you do get negative emotions, let her express and empathise - yes it is hard to say goodbye - before moving the conversation on to - but it is exciting to have a new bedroom.

If you need to, you can use one of her teddies to be the main character in a moving house story. Teddy is putting his things in his bag. Teddy is saying goodbye to... teddy is wondering what his new bedroom will look like.

We gave DD a pic of the outside of the new house. She took it to nursery, they put it up on the wall and we talked about moving and read books. We didn't show her the inside though, because it looked more "foreign" with other people's stuff in than it would do with ours, so we thought it would confuse more than it would help.

We were lucky we could pay for packers and Granny could look after toddler. She was picked up before before the packers arrived, stayed one night with granny and by the time she came to the new house, we had her room all ready set up with her duvet etc, and the sofas at least up in the living room. She never saw her stuff being packed up or the empty rooms. Kids are pretty flexible though, so as long as your DC gets their familiar duvet cover and teddies they will probably cope better than you think.

We didn't take ds(3 at the time) to see our house before we moved because I thought it would cobfuse him with other peoples things there, though we did show him the right move pics and drove past it on the way home sometimes so pointed out the front.

We let ds pick what colour and feature he wanted in his room and reassured him we would also be taking the cats and all of our things. We also made a big deal about him getting a big boy bed as he was in a toddler bed at the time.

On the day we moved and first night ds stayed with grandparents so we could paint his room and get it and the play room set up - the rest of the house took longer but I really wanted his spaces to be pretty much done.

Good luck! At this age they're pretty adaptable.

Thanks, that's really helpful. We don't have local family so they'll have to see the house packed up, but we will leave as much of their room as possible to the morning of the move, and it'll be the first room sorted out so hopefully they can go to nursery/the park all day and come back to their new bedroom all set up.