AIBU to want to downsize.

[caringcarer]

We live in a six bedroom house that was very much utilised when all my DC were living at home plus foster child. Now my youngest child will be moving into his own home in the Spring. So there will be just DH and me sharing a room and DFS in his room, 4 bedrooms empty. We have a lot of stuff gained over the years. I want to go through stuff and getting rid of about half and downsizing to a 3 bedroom house with smaller garden. Neither DH or me have great health so keeping up garden is hard work and even with a cleaner twice a week for help in lounge, kitchen and child's bedroom and bathroom it's still hard work. Empty rooms still get dusty and need airing. DH does not want to downsize as I think he is afraid of all there will be to do in getting rid of spare beds, furniture and generally decluttering. I am afraid if we don't do it now whilst we can we will get too old and it will left for our DC to have to sort out. Both of our son's have offered to help of we move by advertising on sm for people to come and take furniture etc and take unwanted stuff to tip. DH argument is that DC grew up in this house, he likes large garden and neighbours and we have plenty of room for DC and dgc to stay at Xmas. I am tired and desperate to downsize I was hoping heating prices would persuade him to agree to downsize but no he is refusing. What can I say or do to make him downsize with me?

I don’t see any point in having four bedrooms empty and a large garden you can’t look after.

I’d start to de clutter and get rid of everything you don’t use/ haven’t used for a year and then see how you feel. I assume you turn off the heating in the rooms you aren’t using?

I am with you OP.
DH is 72 and I am 64 not in the best health. I love our house, we've lived here 35 years and brought our children up here, they are now in their 20s and left home.
It's a big 4 bed house with 4 reception rooms and a medium much loved garden.
The problem is it's rural. Small village, no shop, no public transport.
DH was adament he didn't want to move and I don't actually want to leave my house but I dread being stuck here too old to move and unable to drive.

Anyway he has now agreed. The reason for change of heart is that we were dreading the idea of a tiny bungalow or whatever, when in actual fact we don't need to "downsize" much at all, just move somewhere with amenities. He is now quite keen on the idea of moving to a nice house in a small market town or big village and having time to enjoy it.

Would your DH think differently if you looked at it that way?
You don't need 6 bedrooms and a huge garden but you could still compromise on size and have a decent garden and plenty of room.

As to the de-cluttering. Think of it as helping the children so they don't have it all to do when you die.

It would be a logical decision

The trouble with downsizing the number of bedrooms is that the reception rooms tend to be smaller too. If you are used to comfortably large rooms, it can be difficult to adapt to tighter spaces.

@FinallyHere this is true. Even looking at 4 bedroom houses they are smaller. We only need two bedrooms though, so would use the other two bedrooms as study / sitting rooms.

I have recently downsized from a four bedroom house in the suburbs where I had to drive to get anywhere to a 2 bedroom city centre flat where I can walk / cycle everywhere. Let me tell you it's tremendously liberating! No gardening, just a balcony to sip a drink on. Far far less housework. I'm loving it! Do it now while you are young enough to enjoy a change of scene and do it through choice rather than necessity.

We are about to move this month and downsizing a lot. We have a local Buy Nothing group on Facebook and have given away so much stuff including beds and armchairs that people have gladly picked up from us. I would say start decluttering as soon as you decide to downsize and with a bit of luck you won’t even need to go to the tip - we didn’t. I think we got rid of a third of our belongings and can’t even remember what they all were now!

Also don’t leave it until you’re really old, we are in our sixties and it’s been hard work.

We live in large village with a few shops, GP and hairdressers but large town only 4 miles away so plenty of amenities. We do like our location. I just worry the poor children will end up having to do all the getting rid of stuff once we die or our health deteriorates to the point that we can't do it ourselves. I am going to gradually declutter bits and pieces but DH won't help or even lete get rid of some of his stuff from garage or sheds. I am going to look about and see if I can find either decent sized bungalow with medium sized garden or 3 bedroom house with decent sized rooms and medi garden. We could also free up a bit of money to help youngest son with his house purchase.

Of course it's the sensible thing to do. A lot of people leave it far too late and are then stuck or their children end up having to take on a huge amount of work at the same time as working and having their own children to raise. That's unfair and selfish as you say.

It's a really sensible idea OP. I think your DH will come round eventually if you find the right property.

You'll get top dollar for the house now while it's still just about manageable, but if you are forced to leave it until you are struggling then obvious maintenance issues will bring the price down.

My dad and his partner moved to a 2 bed property - his partner wasn't keen initially but she realised it was the right decision. They still have family to stay in the spare room. Big family Christmases will tail off as your children move away/build their own families and you can't maintain a house on the basis of a once a year event.

I was 62 in 2020 when I finally sold my 5 bed listed building, and I found it exhausting, not helped by lockdown and the removal people saying they weren't 'essential workers'.

I would agree with sooner rather than later whilst you still have your health, your kids will thank you for it. A new neighbour opposite has recently gone into a home, her kids have spent about three months clearing the house. Be ruthless with your decluttering.

It's the most sensible thing to do. DH and I are struggling with his parents and a similar issue. They have a huge house that is falling into disrepair because they can't keep up with it. They know they need to downsize but aren't doing anything about it (apart from exploring a stupid idea of making part of the house a granny annex)

It's made DH and I really think about our future plans. When our kids go to uni we're going to update our house, enjoy it for a year or so, and then 'downsize' to a posh apartment closer in a city centre.