Cold feet / first time buyer wobbles.

[Sparkles13]

Hello,

My dh and I (and our 3 dc) are buying our first home. It's been a lengthy process but we should be completing soon.

Has anyone else had cold feet or huge anxiety wobble prior to moving in or during the process and did it work out okay in the end ?

We didn't buy the house for love on first sight - the area, location, schools, crime rate all ticked the boxes.

We don't have a large budget and the house is "the worst house in the best area." It needs ALOT doing to it - new electrics, bathroom Is in bits, kitchen needs redoing, new boiler, garden in a state, all the walls are in woodchip type of texture etc on first viewing I had rose tinted glasses, second still happy go lucky but third and final (for fittings/ measuring ) I've had a huge wobble. I'm just feeling really anxious about the work needing to be done and it won't be an overnight job more like 5 years + to get it pulled round. Most of our friendship circle have bought new builds as their first home and now I'm questioning myself whether we've made the right choice and the enormity of what we're taking on has really hit home. Has it worked out in the end for everyone else?

@Sparkles13 I have been in your position. My advice is , it will be fine. Wobbles etc Arte completely normal. If the house ticks the bodes it is probably the right hose.

I wish you well & to re iterate - I have had wobbles about new ( to us ) houses and they have all turned out well - I very much suspect yours will too

All best to you and your family 💐

Basilisk x

It wasn't love at first sight with the property we purchased. But it was what we could afford for a large property with 3 double bedrooms and a garden. It needed and still needs work but we have achieved alot in a short time you'll be surprised what a lick of paint can do. I don't regret it and have fallen in love with it. You can make the house how you want and when it is eventually done you'll be so proud.

It's a massive investment so you are bound to feel nervous. I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much. We had the viewing this morning and I burst into tears in the car. I think its been quite stressful process (started mid May- should be completing in the next few weeks!) And that excitement and fizz has completely gone.

It's good to hear I'm not alone with the "omg what are we doing??" Moment. I'm going to try to de stress tonight and not think about it!

Oh FFS ticks the boxes not the bodes & house not hose

Despite my rubbish spelling my sentiment stands if you have bought the cheapest / worst house in the best area for you - you have probably done the right thing. We did it and I cried when we had to leave the house , I loved it so much after 12 years,

This is really reassuring to know thank you for your kind words and speedy reply.

We're "downsizing" from our rental which is a 4 bed / 3 reception room semi to a end of terrace with three double bedrooms and one reception room - we'd never have the money for this size house until we get onto the ladder. I think part of me is a little sad to leave here too as we've lived here for 9 years and brought the babies home here.

Hoping the wobbles will subside soon.

I bought my first house in similar condition to what you describe in 2020 and had massive anxiety over it for about a year. From various things on the survey to the state of the roof, to plumbing, to delays with ordering materials, running out of bathroom tiles unexpectedly etc etc.... the list of concerns is never ending, and having children adds pressure because you're responsible for them and their future and you will probably not be able to have a project of this scale again in your life. You only get this one opportunity and you have to make the most of it. It's a lot of pressure.

Renovation took 4 months: loft conversion, two new bathrooms, replastering, rewiring, carpets, banisters, shelves & storage, woodburner, boiler. I left the kitchen as is because it was the one thing that was easiest to 'phase out' (it's on the ground floor and can be done later with minimum mess in the rest of the house), and I have done resurfacing of the backyard myself. I've had multiple bathroom leaks, and problems with the roof since the renovation finished so that kept my anxiety going for a while!

Two years later though... It's a totally different life being a homeowner. I've had my share of problems, sure, but none of them are comparable to the instability and uncertainty of renting.

If I were to do it again, I'd focus on getting the property watertight and functioning before investing in aesthetics, and I would have more confidence in flowers & gardening - it can turn any horrid space into something amazing! Grow through what you need to go through 😊All the best, it's not easy, but it's worth it!

It will be fine. But you a) need to remind yourself that what you have bought is the bones. Not the crappy wallpaper or the ugly kitchen or the dated bathroom. The bones of the building in the place it's in is what you've paid for. And in time, you will make it beautiful AND b) stop following Instagrammers and tiktok or whatever is your social e media of poison.

I read a really sad post from someone else earlier who was driving herself mad comparing her home with Instagram. It's bullshit, it's not real and you'll drive yourself crazy.

Put together a little Pinterest inspo and only look when you're at that stage.

And finally, remind yourself it will only ever get better.

I think it depends how much money you have to cover the work that needs doing? For that amount of work I wouldn’t want to be living in the house while it was done. And if you have it done piecemeal it will be disruptive and take a fair bit of time.

If you’ve got 100k set aside for complete renovation, ok. But otherwise perhaps the wobbles indicate you’ve bitten off more than you can chew?

What PP said, depends if you have the money upfront for the works? If you have then it will be fine, messy and uncomfortable but fine. If you have to scrimp and save for years to do it I would think twice.

Wobbles are 100% normal buying any house, especially as a first time buyer.
Buying a doer-upper adds to the worry, but is still 100% normal.
You may well get wobbles even after buying when the doing-up is underway and chaotic, but if you accept that some wobbles will be part of the process, they won't seem as bad when they happen. You'll just be joining most of us doer-upper people on here, who try to reassure each other during our wobbles - fortunately we don't all have one at the same time.....
The 'fizz' will come and go as you plan a bit, do a bit and appreciate that when you do it this way rather than buying a new house you 'get your own way' to a much greater extent. The dips will be when you find something needs doing you didn't know about. This will happen, expect it and try to 'ride' it as far as you cn when it does. I'm resigned with every job that it may throw up another one, large or small, so when it doesn't, that's a bonus.

Really appreciate the kind and thoughtful responses - I'm definitely going to take a social media break which is definitely, definitely not helping. I know a close friend has recently bought (new build) and its absolutely picture perfect- every night a post pops up of her glossy kitchen / living room / bubble baths etc I'm happy for her of course but when I'm looking round the 70s carpet hall way of my house it's a bit heart dropping. Insta is not helpful.

Unfortunately all of our savings has gone into the deposit, but we do have 5k cushion left over. We've been renting for years - we will be making a £200 a month saving switching from renting to mortgage so hoping this will help us add to the transformation pot.

So basically you’re buying a doer upper with no money to do it up.

I can see why you’re worried. Are you sure your anxiety is not telling you something important?

We're one week in our new house and my goodness, the sudden feeling of doom I had when we exchanged contracts was something I'd not felt before! We were in a new build flat before this move and that was our first property and it felt really, really safe. To take on a period property- a full house at that- has been overwhelming but hand on heart, one of the best things that's ever happened to us. Have faith and keep going- you'll thank your lucky stars you did.

You perhaps need to stand back here and say, ok, what state is the house in exactly? is it watertight and essentially sound? roof ok? boiler working? electrics working? windows ok? There is a big difference between boiler and electrics aren't working and a property report which says need replacing - most electrics aren't up to modern standards but don't necessarily need replacing in full on day one. I would be concerned that you haven't enough buffer for any essential repairs that need doing in the first six months as well as some cosmetic tarting up to make the house feel like home - cheap repaint/decoration/new cheap carpets. Your £200 monthly savings may unfortunately go on higher energy bills at the current time.

You need to look very carefully at your income in the next year or two - any chance of wage increases that could add to your transformation pot? Otherwise you are back to doing everything you can to save money which isn't easy at the current time and with costs of both renovations and cost of living going up.

As a pp said, the getting the basics/"fabric" of the house sound is your first priority, and you may have to live with a tatty house for some time. Been there, done it but it can be discouraging. I can decorate and learnt to tile bathrooms to save money. You will have to do easy stuff yourselves - garden tidy, remove woodchip and paint etc - and prioritise what needs doing.

I have done up a fair few houses, fully modernised, and honestly you spend way more than you think. Wiring 4-6k, heating system 3k ish, plastering whole house £££, new bathroom and kitchen , flooring, landscaping etc you can easily plough 50k +. Not saying don't buy but am saying go in with your eyes wide open at the level of cost and sacrifice you all have to make to save. If you have plenty of disposable income you should be ok. Good luck, in the end it is usually well worth the effort.

We have a few 70s carpets. 😑The one I thought was worst I have actually come to like, possibly because I spent ages finding a wall paint that would 'go' with it. The other carpets, not so much. The bathroom is grim, but it will be at least another 2 years before I can do anything with it- I've decided to go for tile paint in the interim. Three years of horrible green and brown tiles on all the walls has been enough, they go cream when the paint (now ordered) arrives. The hammered brown porcelain I'll just have to live with. After a wile you do stop noticing most things. We had a rewire before we moved in, three years later, I have stopped noticing where there are gaps in the (also horrible) wallpaper from the rewire in the rooms not yet stripped and decorated. The horrible plastic faced pink flowered wallpaper in the bedroom I eventually just ripped off, for us it's easier to live with bits of backing paper and plaster. I won't decorate a room until anything else that needs doing is done. Some people might decorate twice, but I would rather spend the time and money doing other things once. One room is still half decorated, because stripping it is very very slow due to a paint layer problem, and I had to stop working on it to do other jobs, and now the room is too full of stuff from another room which will shortly have not roof for a bit.
It honestly doesn't bother me that other people have immaculate houses. Good luck to them. In the end, we'll have what we want and a bigger house than we could have otherwise afforded.

Ours was like this, everything was perfectly functional but it was dated and ugly and in need of a serious update

I think as long as you can live in it (and it is safe) it's actually good to live in a space before deciding what you want to do.

How bad is bad? Does it need new boiler, wiring heating? If it’s just decor then absolutely fine, you can gradually do it, but if it’s the other things then you don’t have enough money and I think your anxiety is justified and not just first time buyer nerves.

We're in the process of moving house. The house we're buying as a large rambling victorian and it was very much love at first sight for me. We also went back a 3rd time a week ago with a builder (apart from needing modernising it needs some stuff fixing with the chimneys, gutters etc). We won't be able to afford to do everything at once, it will be a many years project. The bathrooms, kitchens etc are all from the 80s. It is perfectly liveable though.

I'm also having wobbles, I think it's normal. Just the sheer amount of work that's going to be needed. But when I'm worried I think about how amazing it will be once finished.

We currently live in a 4yr old new build that on paper was perfect. However it's been a nightmare. 4 years on we still have major plumbing issues. One of the internal walls is bending. We're trying to get the builder to buy it back. At least we know the new house has been standing for over 100 years and is unlikely to collapse!

It's much more sensible to buy a house needeing a lot of TLC but the bones are good and a good area than a beautifully done up house in a shit area. Changing an area is out your control, changing a house isn't to some extent

Thank you everyone lots of good level responses.

Yes the bones of the house are good - roof in good knick, kitchen dated but usable, bathroom usable but very dated, electrics do need a rewire to bring upto date but again liveable.

Unfortunately we're in a catch 22 - the rental were in is being sold up (at a price we cannot afford) and the bog standard 3 beds here (In a okay street - we have a lot of car break ins) Are now going for £700 a month to rent. The house were buying is 420 a month with a 22 year mortgage and the area is lovely - no crime, quiet, no rubbish or litter, no boarded up windows or gangs of youths walking around, a short walk to the school (no main roads to cross). Once my youngest is in full time school I'll have scope to up my hours and pay for the cosmetic changes.

This thread has been incredibly helpful thank you.

You will rock it @Sparkles13 - my friend bought one exactly like you say in Bath- they have done it up gradually and 2 years later it looks great but still needs a new kitchen and bathroom - but is suprising how you cope with this if you like where you live

OP. All sounds good - location sounds good and you have plans over the longer term to do it up whilst it’s bearable to live in now and affordable now as well

I can remember signing for my first home. I looked at the solicitor and said "this feels like a moment" 😂

It IS huge, but it's positive. And you will take such satisfaction & pride from seeing your home evolve.

I think you've been really sensible in how you've chosen it.

Totally normal op and the first week you live there you will hate it and think you’ve made an enormous mistake - all part of the process and a new house is a big change for the human brain.

Sounds like you’ve made all the right decisions about location so the rest you can sort in time.

Have a look a the frenchic forum on Facebook to see some fantastic transformations if the kitchen/bathroom is a bit naff