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Neighbour issues, WWYD?

36 replies

AGreatUsername · 26/08/2022 14:29

Possibly not the right forum really, but I wasn’t sure and as it concerns neighbours it can go here!

We’ve lived in our house for 2.5 years. It’s a small street with only 4 houses, ours is on the end. We don’t really “know” our neighbours too well as we both work and Covid etc limited the hellos, but we’ve had lots of chats with all the other houses and send Xmas cards etc.

The house next door to us has a very odd couple in. They’re 60s I guess but very reclusive. The lady never goes out, the curtains are never open and the man is a little odd too, he goes out more but seems to have a whacky sense of humour and has told us on a few occasions that he has to go for his morning run at sunrise so his wife doesn’t notice he’s gone.

Anyway, we’ve spoken to them quite a lot of times as our back garden wall is low, the lady has always been very friendly, slightly over friendly in fact, and has been very open that she has suffered with anxiety and depression etc which we were very understanding of. Never a cross word has been said. In fact if you had asked me a few days ago I’d have said we got on well with all the neighbours.

A few weeks ago the police knocked our door and asked if we were aware of any neighbour issues in the street. We weren’t, that was that. Yesterday they called again and asked to come in. It transpires that the lady next door has called the police on us multiple times! They told me of 3 reasons…..but there may have been more I’m not sure.

1 Our front fence is broken. She told them this is deliberate just to spite them. The fence in question is a good 30 years old, a wooden picket running 8 feet long to separate our front gardens,it is 2 foot tall. It is rotten and has now leaned towards their side by a few degrees but is not lying down, we do keep jamming it straight again but the wind always pulls it back one way or the other. We actually spoke to them and said we will fix it ASAP but as I’m currently off work undergoing cancer treatment it’s not top priority and we don’t have cash to spare. We offered to remove it completely and they said no. If I wanted to be pissy I could point out that the fact they haven’t resolved a leak in their porch roof has resulted in our fence becoming water damaged and rotting but I’m not so petty.

  1. We have “stolen her bin bags”. This is a weird one, a few months ago we inadvertently brought their recycling bag in instead of ours. When we noticed the very next morning I popped it back over the fence into their garden. This is where the bag still lies to this day. They haven’t touched it despite doing some gardening AROUND it, like it is now dead to them. And police worthy clearly.

3 Yesterday’s incident. She has accused us of leaving chicken bones in her garden. We don’t even eat chickens for starters as I hate dealing with the carcasses and also why would anyone do that?!

The main reason I’m so bloody furious about it is that she has reported each one as a hate crime because she is black and we must be racist. I’m actually so angry about that because how dare she cast aspersions like that on us over nothing?! She clearly has very deep MH issues but I am so cross and disgusted that she has called us racists with absolutely no basis and this is 100000% not even a tiny bit true. The police were very apologetic, said they’re fully aware it is a MH issue and that we aren’t in any kind of trouble and they were only letting us know so we could “safeguard” ourselves. The hate crime team have dismissed it back to community policing, and they have opted not to ask us before now as the issues reported are clearly unreal/silly. I don’t know what safeguarding ourselves means, I assume so we watch our interactions with them now but as we haven’t done anything or had any kind of falling out I don’t really see what we can alter or avoid. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now? Ignore next door totally? I’m shocked that she’s done it, not once but multiple times while also being nice as pie to us? She actually cried when I told her I had cancer, and called over the wall to see how I was post surgery, all the while also apparently thinking we’re racists mounting the worlds most bizarre crime spree?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 26/08/2022 15:08

I'm not sure what you can do other than ignore her. Possibly put some cameras up/a ring doorbell so if she accuses you of the e.g. chicken bones you could have footage?

Ilikewinter · 26/08/2022 15:15

Wow totally out of order im not surprised your fuming.
I would put fencing on top of your low wall so its at least a 6 foot divider and never speak to them again.

RippleQueen · 26/08/2022 15:17

Have one or both neighbours got dementia?

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 26/08/2022 15:18

Your relationship is over...
Reduce to a smile if necessary to the man. His life cant be easy.

FrostyGirl66 · 26/08/2022 15:20

I would be putting cameras up so you can prove your lack of involvement next time she accuses you of something.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 26/08/2022 15:24

Its good that the police have told you. They obviously realise that the neighbours are just batty and clearly no one right minded, including the police, thinks you are racist. Just keep a note of any future oddities and try not to worry. If it escalates, which I'm sure it won't, then you have records.
My relatives neighbour had early dementia. The police were once called because she was convinced my relative had stolen their Tupperware. It didn't get any worse than that, but it was an ongoing situation, so its best not to let it get under your skin.

Unforgettablefire · 26/08/2022 15:29

Obviously if you don't have the funds at the minute you can put a big fence up but from now on you're best ignoring them altogether. Even speaking or smiling at the man might trigger them into something.
I think the police maybe were warning you to watch your backs, they know your neighbours by the sounds of it and this is what the "safeguarding" advice is.

AGreatUsername · 26/08/2022 15:30

The shape of our houses mean our ring captures nothing other than our front porch area, but cameras might be an idea. The police thankfully can see it’s a mental issue and not an actual issue. But I do worry about what’s next. What terrible offence am I going to commit next? I hardly slept last night over it, I’m always keen to make friends of neighbours so I go out of my way to remember names and things they tell me and it feels like I’ve been betrayed which is of course ridiculous, but I’ve genuinely never said or done anything to hurt or offend or upset anyone and I don’t like being accused of that. It’s just so odd. They’re certainly off my sodding Christmas-card-and-mince-pies list.

I do feel a little sorry for the man, he’s Scottish and has a fierce temper to match and we can clearly hear regular screaming rows where she’s demanding he move stuff/get rid of stuff/whatever. It’s on a pretty much weekly basis and my kids can hear them effing and blinding clear as day but we’ve never mentioned it because it’s not our business. I feel he’s incredibly frustrated with her a lot of the time and often sneaks out when she’s not aware, it’s very sad but they have adult kids (who have visited once in our time here) so have been together a very long time.

OP posts:
Unforgettablefire · 26/08/2022 15:30

•can't put fence up not can

Doggydarling · 26/08/2022 15:39

'He's Scottish and has a temper to match' actually sounds racist, you might want to be a but more careful if you have any dealings with them.

SnoopyNoseTits · 26/08/2022 15:43

Ignore, tall fence and CCTV would be my plan of action on this one

VerifiedBot2351 · 26/08/2022 15:51

Yes, I agree with pp. ignore, and get that fence up.

Heartbreaktuna · 26/08/2022 16:01

It sounds likely that she could have mental health issues. I would ignore.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 26/08/2022 16:03

Doggydarling · 26/08/2022 15:39

'He's Scottish and has a temper to match' actually sounds racist, you might want to be a but more careful if you have any dealings with them.

Yes I agree with this!!!

AGreatUsername · 26/08/2022 16:20

Doggydarling · 26/08/2022 15:39

'He's Scottish and has a temper to match' actually sounds racist, you might want to be a but more careful if you have any dealings with them.

Fair point, taken. My family is Scottish so I didn’t even really think about that one, we say it about each other every time someone loses their temper but yes, I see your point

OP posts:
SuperCamp · 26/08/2022 16:35

I would speak to the DH in a level neutral way and ask if he knows that she has reported you to the police, and on what ‘grounds’. He may not be aware, and they might need to get more support for her. He might be able to watch her more closely.

a horrible thing to happen, OP, but I wouldn’t take the racism allegations personally, it is 100% to do with her MH.

InsertPunHere · 26/08/2022 16:42

Dementia was my first thought too. In her 60s our neighbour over the back started picking arguments with all and sundry, accusing us of all sorts of mad stuff. She’d always been so friendly before. She had dementia and was moved to a care home for her own safety.

carefullycourageous · 26/08/2022 16:44

First of all: Brew

When you say She clearly has very deep MH issues but I am so cross and disgusted that she has called us racists with absolutely no basis the basis is that she has very deep MH issues. The police acknowledge this and you have that on record. This will be hard but try not to take it personally. She is not accusing YOU of being racist, she is projecting onto the person who happens to live next door.

I agree with getting cameras and also you should keep a diary note of any interaction. On a day where there is no interaction just note 'no interaction'. Do NOTstart any conversation with the husband, I would initiate nothing. If they speak to you say 'Hello' and smile only and nothing else.

Do not ever step onto their premises, take no parcels for them and instruct all deliveries to take no parcels there. If you can find the money for the fence do it as soon as possible.

But most of all try to step back mentally and see this is not about you. You were just unlucky to live next door to someone with MH problems.

moredogsthansense · 26/08/2022 16:51

I would bet quite a large sum that the chicken bone culprit is a fox …

carefullycourageous · 26/08/2022 16:54

moredogsthansense · 26/08/2022 16:51

I would bet quite a large sum that the chicken bone culprit is a fox …

Agree, very common.

MeridasMum · 26/08/2022 17:00

"he’s Scottish and has a fierce temper to match"

You're not racist, just xenophobic

amylou8 · 26/08/2022 17:14

She/they are clearly unwell and the police can see that from the nature of the complaints. The safeguarding I would imagine just means not putting yourself in a position that allegations can be made. Keep any contact polite but to an absolute minimum, oh good morning, sorry must dash got a pan on the stove. And I'd get a couple of cheap CCTV cameras too. But make sure they're discreet or that will be the next complaint!

EnglishPearFreesia · 26/08/2022 17:23

She doesn't believe you're racists. You've said it yourself...... she has MH issues. Simple Just minimise your contact with her.

hattie43 · 26/08/2022 17:24

And this crap is why the police aren't on our streets sorting real crime .
Horrible experience OP and at least the police are aware neighbour had a MH issue

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/08/2022 17:31

If you don't want to be accused to being racist then you need to check your racist stereotypes

he’s Scottish and has a fierce temper to match

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