Relocation- so anxious, what amount of nerves is normal?

[Bakedbanana]

We are relocating to a different city and are currently in a chain (as of about 2 weeks ago)
We have kids age 5&3
I am sick with nerves and convinced we are doing the wrong thing. I know a certain amount of worry is normal about something like this but how do you know when it is actually the wrong thing to do?
I am normally quite level headed but now not sleeping, in tears, feel so sad about taking my older daughter away from everything she knows/lovely school.
We are moving to be nearer family rather than a particular work reason

Have other people been in the same situation? Was it all ok in the end?

Hopeful bump

We relocated 200 miles last year with our then 5yo for work reasons. There were some definite wobbly moments and 'what have we done' especially in winter when it was dark and cold and we couldn't find a house to buy and didn't really know anyone. We relocated into rental as needed to be in the new city by a certain date for new job starting.

5yo was very upset about it at first, especially as we couldn't show her a school or a house. She was distraught at leaving her old school and teacher, then had a new best friend at the new school within days of arriving. She absolutely loves her new school and has had loads more opportunities there than she would have done at our old location.

We're still in rental (which we hate) whilst we wait to do building work on the house we've bought. We had very strong push factors to leave the old location, and have had to remind ourselves of that several times! Quality of life in the new city is a lot higher though - it's a better place for families, we are closer to friends so have more support.

We did a similar move OP, I had strong doubts and wish I had pulled out when I could. Moved 70 miles to be nearer family, and to buy outright as I had a shared ownership flat before. My son was 7 though so a bit older than yours, also moved just before pandemic and chose a school with an incredibly deprived catchment. I still feel my son's quality of life is worse than it would have been had we stayed.

Not quite in the same situation but you do sound like you're suffering from a fair bit of anxiety. We relocated 400 miles 5 years ago without children away from family for work. Now we have DD, who isn't in school yet, and are about to put the house up for sale to move us all back. I'm extremely anxious but not because I doubt our decision. Just because house selling/buying is freaking me out.
I completely understand why you're worried about taking your daughter away from all she knows. I would think that it would get harder with every year she gets older. If you didn't relocate now, maybe you wouldn't get the chance again for many years to come. Would you be okay with that? If yes, then maybe relocation isn't the right choice. But if you think you'll regret not doing it, then push through.

Yes that's it, it feels now or never which is adding to the pressure.

We don't have super strong push factors, although our wider area isn't that great our immediate location (park/school/friends) is good.

I know any house move is stressful but this feel so much bigger I'm having trouble working out what is moving stress (eg would be the same if we were moving round the corner) and what is the relocation

I'm glad we ended up moving when DD was 5yo as they still tend to live in the moment then, friendships change often etc. it seems to have been harder for friends with older children.

But we were also leaving an area that had been great with a baby or toddler (lots of groups and a nice park and river with ducks to feed) but was much worse for 5 and upwards. The area we've moved to DD now has school friends close by (within a few houses!) and far more opportunities for activities - she's been able to join various after school groups, Rainbows, got museums and galleries within a 15 min walk. And it's much better for all of us as we can walk everywhere so we're all feeling a lot healthier.

What are your reasons for wanting to move closer to family?

Oh and the secondary school options where we were living were pretty dire so that was a longterm push factor.

Sounds like a normal reaction for the amount of upheaval and change you describe. It's just your brain processing and preparing you for a challenge.

Anxiety is just your brain and body preparing for a challenge (same as excitement), it doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do. That comes from facts not emotions - and you already weighed up the facts when you made the decision.

It's also normal to be sad about leaving things behind even if it's a longed for change. It's a normal part of being human - we feel sad about leaving familiar things behind. Change is uncomfortable but we always adjust.

Instead of trying to push the feelings away, you might get on better if you embraced them as part of the process and preparation for what's coming - or even reframing them as excitement (there is some research that supports this as an effective approach).

Were relocated last year, we live 3.5hrs from where we had lived all our lives. Best decision we have ever made. No regrets whatsoever. Try to think of the positives, if you are closer to family you will hopefully have more support. It may take a while to settle and for your new property to feel like home. But what’s the worse thing that could happen? If you don’t like it, you can move back. Good luck OP, I hope it goes well for you.

Thanks for all the replies, and support.

Want to move nearer to family as at the moment are 6 hours drive away and find it hard to see them.

Secondaries in the new area are a bit uncertain (re catchments) I know it's a way off but isn't helping the anxiety.

Maybe I'm just not a person that likes change.
The idea of moving back if it goes wrong is hard as we wouldn't get back into the same nice primary school I shouldn't think.

Op I’d love to know how you’re getting on now - we’re about to do the same and I’m so worried!