About to be kicked out by parent - terrified..

[Icupapopo]

Hi everyone,

Me (27f) and my 1.5 yo boy live with my mum and teenage sister in a 3 bed house in Brighton. Unfortunately since I've had my son, mine and my mums relationship had broken down dramatically. The house itself is filthy due to my mum taking in more animals than she can cope with, so me and my son essentially live out of my tiny room (i have deep cleaned the house numerous times but she takes offence to this and ive been told to stop).

My mental health is at its absolute rock bottom because of this, and to add to things my son is allergic to flea bites which have now covered the entirety of his body.

Because of the arguments, she is now saying that I need to leave and I have a few weeks to find somewhere. I know I need to apply to the council as present as homeless, but I'm terrified that they'll say I'm intentially homeless.

A friend of mine recently said that she presented herself as homeless and they basically refused to accommodate her and her son by saying that she and her mum were lying on the application. I have nowhere else to go. I can't rent privately as my mum destroyed my credit and I have no guarantor. I pay all the rent here and don't receive housing benefit as I live with my mum, so I don't have any savings. I also can't apply for housing directly as I tried to when my son was born and was rejected due to there being 3 bedrooms in the house: one for my mum, one for me and my 15 year old sister, and my son in his own room.

I'm sorry this is really long. I suffer with severe anxiety so I tend to produce a lot of word vomit when I'm anxious. Any advice would be great.

Can you talk to your health visitor to see if you can get their support?

If you're paying all rent wheres her income going?

Does your ex provide CM?

Definitely speak to your health visitor and possibly Shelter too. In all honesty, if your son is getting flea bites which he’s allergic to you would be better in your own place.
How come you pay the rent? This all sounds very stressful but once you have your own home it will be much better for the two of you.

I didn't think about speaking to them but I'll try that thank you!

can you explain that your relationship with your mum has completely broken down due to her unread behaviour and that she is insisting that you leave : the truth.
hopefully you will be placed in temporary accommodation

Unreasonable behaviour, sorry

Go onto Shelter's website. You'll find a number of ways to contact them and get information and advice on how to proceed. They will help you understand what can be done and what steps you need to take to start working through this.

Take a breath, stay strong and follow their advice.

england.shelter.org.uk/get_help

Speak to citizens advice they're great and also speak to any local housing associations xx good luck, sure this is awful for you but once you're in your own place it will be worth it xx

knackeredagain - my mum isn't in employment. It's been so, so stressful with her not working. I've tried for years to encourage her but unfortunately I've got nowhere. I took on all of the rent as there was a threat of eviction and I couldn't live with myself if my little sister got separated from my mum. I'll contact shelter and my health visitor. Thank you for replying.

If you’re paying all the rent and your mum is making the house uninhabitable and has destroyed your credit , then I’m sorry to say but you are being abused financially and possibly emotionally by your mum.

there are real health concerns here for your ds- you need to get out - so health visitor and tell them what you’ve written here. It does not come across as word salad at all. See what HV says amd what support can be offered. Don’t leave anything out. Good luck.

Councils may differ, but in my area (north west) any person over 21 would be classed as needing their own bedroom, so you would be classed as overcrowded in your current property (4 bed need in a 3 bed) reapply for social housing and make sure that you say you are overcrowded. You will have to provide proof of who lives at the address (utility bills etc).

Get her to put In writing that she wants you out and a date. Also try and get some HV support with flea bites etc perhaps she could write a letter in support, or a GP for mental health issues.

This sounds like a good start!

Can you prove you pay the rent??

Do you work?

I'm really really sorry your mum is like this. It sounds like she has MH issues she needs help with, could you try to get her help, for your sisters sake if nothing else?

could you look at any 'live in' positions? Lots of people are struggling to get childcare/house keeping type help. Not everyone would mind you bring DS to live there with you.

best of luck x

As suggested speak to your health visitor and /or GP. Tell them about the animals/ not allowed to clean and the fleas. Speak to Shelter too. Make it clear that you are putting your son first and need housing.

How has your mum ruined your credit score?

WinterMusings - I have proof I pay the rent.

I actually work at a nursery which my son attends. My manager has noticed his flea bites and has said that she will contact my health visitor as well about this.

My mum definitely has mental health issues. She was diagnosed with depression a few years ago but unfortunately never took meds and never goes to the doctors. I think there's more to it than depression though, but she gets incredibly defensive if anyone tried to suggest anything.

AdoraBell - thank you I will do that ASAP.

She took out multiple loans without me knowing about them and then hid the post when it came through the door. I only found out about the multiple CCJs once I downloaded Clearscore and called up one of the debtors, who then confirmed her email address as being the one that created the accounts. I confronted her about this and she admitted it and was apologetic. I was pretty naive then and didn't really realise the implications that it would have on me now so I didn't chase it up. I tried to pay them back but became overwhelmed and couldn't afford to in the end. They're stil on my credit file and still being chased to this day.

How exactly has your Mum "destroyed your credit"?

X-post.

Social housing isn't a quick fix - the wait for a 2 bed in most southern areas is 2 years plus. But get on the list ASAP.

If your Mum asks you to leave and it is within 56 days your local authority is legally obligated to accept what is know as a Prevention Duty to you. This means they will negotiate with your Mum and see if she will let you stay whilst you look for other accommodation.

If your Mum asks you to leave immediately then your local authority will need to accept a Relief Duty. As you have a child they will need to provide you with emergency accommodation (could be a b&b or similar) and then work with you to help you find suitable accommodation.

You are not intentionally homeless and even if you were, the above two duties need to be satisfied first. The law behind intentionally is if you have deliberately done or not done something that has caused your homeless situation.

Good luck. Sounds super stressful.

It may be a long shot too but I would also look for some shared accommodation. Many people would be happy to have a single mum and child as lodgers and their income from it is tax free due to the Rent a Room Scheme. I had single parent lodgers for a long time and it worked out great for everyone.

It sounds like a blessing in disguise that she wants you to leave. Get her to put it in writing, then approach the council. They may place you in a hostel for a while until a proper place comes up for you. It won’t be pleasant, but it’ll be your own space with no fleas that you can keep clean to your (entirely reasonable!) standard. It sounds like a very toxic environment at your mums, while you pay all bills and work your behind off to live in a dump.
good luck ❤️ We’re rooting for your future!

How old is your sister? Are the animals cared for properly?