Struggling to be content

[KellynchHall]

So we moved last year. The house really works for us. Much larger than our last place, everyone has their own room and the living space is generous. We're steadily doing bits of work, rewire, sorting plumbing and heating, installing insulation and a downstairs loo. By winter this should all be done and with some new flooring in some rooms and a bit of painting it should all be ok.

But there are other bits we can't afford to do or don't have the time to do. I keep focusing on them. I know I'm being ridiculous because most of the house is great. Also I want it all done now but time and money make this impossible. How do you just be content? I knew I was buying a bit of a project. I knew we wouldn't be able to fix everything immediately but I still feel frustrated. The cost of living increase has eaten away at the amount we can save each month which means realistically the bits we can't afford to do at the moment are going to take even longer to rectify.

Someone give me a metaphorical slap become I know I should be more than content with what we have.

Your house sounds like a good fit, but worrying about little details will spoil it for you.

I've been in my house for 10 years. It's an old house and I knew there was a lot of work to do. I'm still going. This summer will be repointing the north wall, and sorting the study.

But the thing that made me stop stressing, was ds (13) had his friends round They had spent the evening at the top end of the garden, hunting frogs and stag beetles. DS came in and said he loved living here, that our house was much more fun than theirs (perfect new builds). He couldn't care less that the study needs new flooring or some of the radiators need replacing. 😀 He's happy.

Can you not see it as an opportunity - something to look forward to? Once everything is done there is nothing else to do, no more interior design searching on Pinterest, no more endless possibilities of what a room may look like… can you try to think of it that way?

I don’t understand why you’d buy a house that’s outside your means. This is going to be an endless source of frustration if you’re constantly worrying about not being able to have it exactly the way you want.

Can you take a step back and be grateful for owning your own spacious home?

You could try gratitude journaling or something similar. Every day think of at least one thing about the house that are grateful for and focus on that. Say it out loud or write it down. It could be that you won't have to move again for ages, that you have a warm/ cool house, that you love the way the light comes through a certain window in the morning etc. Whatever you like. It will make you remember just how fortunate you are and will help you minimise the crappy bits so they don't matter as much and feel more manageable. If you write a list then you can look at it when you are feeling stressed.

I absolutely understand this, we haven't even finished the kitchen and in eyeing up the bathroom, then it's an ensuite, porch, driveway - it never ends

However
My tastes have adapted as we've moved in, doing it slowly really means we understand the space well before spending money. You can take the time to save to really contemplate what you want from an area.

Those who do it all at once, or in a new build will have it all looking shabby and in need of replacement at once. By doing it slowly, you'll never be in a position where it all goes wrong at once.

I wonder- are you (as we are due to things beyond out control) in a situation where almost no room is 'finished'? I think if we could get one or two main rooms completely 'finished' I'd feel better about ours. I'm resigned to it, s in our case it can't be helped, but I do think it can get you down when every room you walk into is a mess or unfinished. I do understand how you feel, it's not 'wrong' in any way. It's not like you're saying you're worse off than other people- but just being better off than even many others and knowing it doesn't stop some issues getting the most sensible and unselfish person down.

@BlueMongoose because of the

@BlueMongoose every room now needs painting due to the rewire so that probably doesn't help. I have time off work shortly and plan to do at least one room.

@WhyCantPeopleBeNice I think you are right that I could just be looking at all the jobs we could possibly do. Then I need to remember there were jobs in our last house that never got done. It's not major stuff and i need to just be happy and content.

I definitely need to focus on the positives, for a start I no longer have to deal with our old neighbours and the garden is really peaceful. I think I'm just generally annoyed at life and this is just another manifestation. I really know I should be more grateful -my life / house is great.

@MintJulia this really resonates. We had friends round and the kids played hide and seek and the house/ garden are great for this. They all had a blast! Got to focus on the positives.

I think I'd concentrate on making one room really nice, then- a refuge for when other rooms are in a mess. I think and hope that will help. Good luck.

Yes, focus on getting a room finished, then you can go in there and gloat/relax and not have to look at jobs.

Alternatively go round to your messiest friend's house, preferably also mid DIY. It'll make you feel so much better about your own house 😂

Understand wanting it all to be done, but the reality it is never will really be 'done', there's always something needs doing with houses. So better to enjoy the moment/journey/what you've achieved. Reminds me of this - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diderot_effect#:~:text=The%20effect%20was%20first%20described,to%20rue%20his%20new%20garment.

Same here. I could have written your original post, OP. But it will get better as things (slowly) get done - I hope!

We bought during lockdown and at times I wonder if we will ever be done!

Do you have the original pics from EA listing or from when you moved in? When I feel frustrated by our slow progress I look back and see how far we've come.

We are here 2 years now, and finally the sitting room is a space that feels finished. Kitchen is next on the list. I agree with PP who said you need a "feel" for the space before making changes. My plan for kitchen changed at least twice as we got used to its current layout and functionality

We are doing a lot of the DIY stuff ourselves, and we enjoy it, but it eats into our free time. Stuff inevitably takes longer than we expect it to.

So it is a juggle of being satisfied by what we have achieved and annoyed by the remaining tasks.

Visitors comment on it being bright and cosy, which is the kind of positive feedback I need!

Our house is totally like this. So much needs doing. Especially need new windows… but we’re spending the money on a holiday instead! I’ve decided the kids will remember the holiday and don’t notice the dodgy windows!! The location of the house and the space it gives us is why we bought it and when I look at everything that needs doing but we can’t afford to do yet, I look out the window and focus on remembering why I wanted to live here.