Moving back to London

[Londonlady84]

Hello!

We are a family of 5 with three children aged 5, 3 and 7 months. We left London during the height of lockdown to be nearer family in the Midlands and are now seriously considering returning.

We miss the buzz and excitement of London, the family help we'd hoped for never really transpired and my husband is away 3 days per week working in London.

We would be trading in a beautiful 2,200 sq ft Victorian house for around 1,000 sq ft flat in a nice part of zone for more than twice the mortgage we pay now 😂 Has anyone lived comfortably in this amount space with 3 DC?

Has anyone else moved back to London with children after moving out and massively downsized? Are you glad you made the move?

Thanks!

Can you live in a cheaper area of London or must you live in the place where you can only buy the flat?

Sorry, which zone are you talking about moving back to? And specifically which area and what's your budget?

Is it the area you lived in before moving up to the Midlands? Re square footage- I guess it's the number of bedrooms and whether you're planning on children sharing a room etc.

Of course there are families living in small houses/flats and with children sharing a room- very much depends on your lifestyle, family dynamic etc whether this will suit you!

Hi - we did this. I'm originally from the Midlands and moved out of London when the children were small because we wanted more space and to be nearer family. Had a gorgeous house but it just didn't feel right and we moved back to our flat (luckily we had rented it out). Our situation is probably more complicated because we're now separating and I realise now that lots of issues were down to our relationship. Having said that I'm still very glad that I'm raising 2 children in a lovely part of London in a small 2 bed flat (65 sq metres to be precise!) Yes we a lot less space but there is so much more energy and optimism generally, schools and opportunities are better. I also feel a lot more at home here (having moved here after uni) To be honest a lot depends on where in the Midlands and what type of city or town you are in - there is a huge difference between say Oxfordshire/Warwickshire and North Staffordshire in terms of feel and opportunities for kids and the types of families (I have lived in all those areas and they are poles apart culturally). It's a tough one....what I would say is that with your children being very young don't worry too much about moving if that is what you decide. They will adapt easily - far more important that you find somewhere that works for you as a family as a whole.

Haha-I would live in a slightly cheaper, further out area, but my husband is adamant on this area. It is where we originally moved from and we do love the area.

Zone 2-North West London, NW3, NW6 or some parts of NW2, so very pricey. I think we could get 3 bedrooms, although not huge ones, so two of the little ones would be sharing and we’d only have one reception room.

Thank you @ImagineA . We sound very similar. I’m originally from North Staffs, lived in Birmingham for a while and then moved to London where I spent 10 years. Honestly, I feel most at home in London despite not being a born and bred Londoner.

We moved from London to South Staffs and it feels a world away from the life we’re used to. I’m finding the lack of choice challenging and the nearby towns quite depressing. I do wonder if we’d perhaps moved to Warwickshire that things might be different, however, we aren’t willing to take another risk on a new location.

Im so sorry to hear about the breakdown of your relationship, but glad you are enjoying life in a small space in London with your children-it gives me hope.

Where in the midlands do you live?

@confusde we are in Staffordshire

I totally get how you feel . Problem is when you've lived in that bit of London somewhere like Cannock isn't going to feel right. Would your H not consider somewhere like Kingston or Ealing- you might get a fair bit more for your money and still get the London thing.

@Crikeyalmighty Totally! I’ve actually suggested Ealing a number of times. A good friend lives there and it’s so nice and very buzzy, but alas, my husband is not on board 😩

That's a bit unfair on you OP- why does he get all the say? Or is it that he's the big earner and hence you feel you have to go along with it-- believe me I've been there. We rent lovely houses in pricey areas, partly because my H won't compromise. I do think some comparisons need to be made , possibly by you having a look at what the actual difference is- if there's bugger all in it- then yep Hampstead /Belsize/west Hampstead are great choices but if it means a small 2 bedder or a huge 3 bedder with garden it might make him think

I think you need to detail what you miss.

Could you not get that elsewhere?

We moved to a village in South Oxfordshire but it's only 14 minutes to a station and 40mins on a train to London. Certainly no reason for your husband not to commute.

What's your budget? Perhaps there are areas as central as those you cite which may give more space/better value, hard to tell when we don't know your budget. Where in London do you work/need to get to?
Is the preference for north west London for easier access to family in the midlands or just where you ended up before and liked it?

Your husband needs to stop being a dick 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi Londonlady.

Similar position here. Family of five with very young children. We moved to Edinburgh from London in late 2019 just prior to lockdown. Edinburgh's been great for the kids - great access to country/beach and opportunities but it feels like a deserted wasteland for adults - compared to London where we lived for 15 years prior. I miss the buzz and vibrancy of the working week - the sense of 'arriving' into a busy important centre and the social and networking opportunities that abound. Edinburgh workplaces and the city itself (other than festival time) seems dead... streets are deserted, and everyone seems to drive everywhere - read a stat about a 25% increase in the number of car purchases. I've worked in an office by myself for nearly two years - everyone seems content to work from home and I can't understand why nobody else seems to miss human interaction, vibrancy and social interaction. So while great for children, I can't seem to find my groove in this city - it's beautiful, but I often find myself wondering what on earth to do as an adult (when child-free windows arise). Town at the weekend seems just for 18-23yr olds, good gigs are a rarity.... and street life/vibrancy is relatively non-existent.

Do we move back to London? I have no idea. Seems like we've put the children first at the expense of the parents wishes for the life that we would like to have! I worry that moving back to London will affect my children's happiness - take my 6yr old especially away from his friends and 'stable' life... but dread the thought of staying here for the next 15/20yrs too!

@TheConstantJuggler I'm wondering though if you might find London has changed too- far more home working etc post covid- particularly amongst over 35s.i don't disagree with you though, it's created opportunities for some but a radically dull working life for others. If you do come back I would say to go somewhere that still has its own centre and local life- and lots of families both young and old, places like Kingston, chiswick etc

Thanks Crikey. I completely agree - I've tried to get a sense of what's happening in London from friends but seems a mixed bag. Some saying offices/life/social more or less back to normal - others (like me!) working in desolate, dull and lonely/isolating places!

Radically dull is spot on...

@TheConstantJuggler Yep it's difficult and as you say a very mixed bag. I would look at 2 options if you come back. First as I said below to live somewhere with a strong local life geared up to family's and secondly to have a job where it's either working from home (and build up a good local set of activities and new friends OR a job where you know from the beginning it's very much still office based and very social OR a job where you have to be on site ( hospitals, schools etc) or I would say stay put and look at changing jobs for the stuff I just mentioned and make an effort to join more things that aren't based around having a social life via work- not easy I know. We've moved 'a lot' and I do agree that some places are better than others for over 35s and actually having a social life. I'm suprised at Edinburgh though- although a friend of mine up there did say outside the festival it did tend to be about getting pissed and pubs- not sure if that was just her though !! If your hearts in London and you can afford to , then if your H feels that way too it might be better to just accept 'it's not you' -

It's doable with the right layout and I'm with your husband (up to a point) about the importance of location, although perhaps you could extend the search slightly- Willesden, Golders Green? Another option might be to rent and see how you get on?

What do you have in mind re schools? Finding a space for your 5yo may be quite tricky and may drive where you end up living.

We moved from Teddington to Surrey 15 years ago. I never really settled and found that I drive more whereas before we would cycle to work/primary school through the parks. I’ve got some lovely friends but never really found my tribe.

We have just sold our Surrey house with massive garden and playroom that never get used as the dc are teens now. We have moved into a rental thinking we would follow the crowd down to the coast but I’m now considering moving back into south west London instead.

Next year one dc is off to uni and one will start a new sixth form, third dc will be going into yr10 but I’m thinking they could get train out to Surrey for two years (it’s 25 mins and short walk to school from station).

Hello. We are in exactly the same
predicament - moved from London to Glasgow just before pandemic. I totally get what you are saying 💯 Our daughter is slightly older and after a rocky start has grown to love her school and friends. But husband and I feel same as you do. Miss London, miss friends and my career has a suffered not being there (I’m the main earner). We want to move back and luckily have a home to go back to (pandemic stoped us selling up). But should we put our happiness before child’s education? I don’t Want to grow old here. We have no close network of friends up here and my in laws are getting older and frailer down south. Such a dilemma. I feel like a bad mum. I’m London born and bred. What was I thinking?!

Sorry my reply was to @TheConstantJuggler apologies if not clear.

I think it depends on your children. Are they quiet, reflective children who'll sit down and do a couple of hours colouring & a bit of lego? Or are they of a more noisy & boisterous disposition. Because if they are in any way noisy & boisterous now, it is going to get a lot, lot worse in the next few years.

I think your husband is being too rigid with his thinking and you should move further out of your favourite location to get more space. What you are describing may be ok with 2 children but not 3, in my opinion.
I would start testing his boundaries by showing him more suitable properties just a bit further out. And it’s not all about him - you have as much right as him to have a say on Location.

Hi ladies. So sorry I totally forgot about this post as we got swept up in the madness of quickly moving back to London!

We made the decision with haste and moved back into our old 710sq ft 2bed. It’s meant to be a temporary measure, but our house in the Midlands isn’t selling due to the market.

My son is now settled in an amazing primary school. He struggled with tears at drop off for the first half term, but has been amazing since!

I'm so glad we made the move. I already feel so much more alive here and much healthier in the sense that we walk so much more.

@theconstantjuggler @Icantbelieveitsnotmother @ChocolatSouris did you make the decision to move?