Moving house - 3 year olds

Nahnanananahna · 23/06/2022 04:59

Just tell them and keep mentioning it until it's normal. Act like it's am exciting adventure.

They may be upset initially but it will become the norm to them over time. Much better than springing it on them!

Zonder · 23/06/2022 05:03

Definitely tell them. CN you take them to visit the new house? Show photos, talk it through, ask at the library if there is a children's book about moving house. Explain why, big up the positives.
When we moved my children were just slightly older. We discovered a day or two before the move that they thought we would be leaving all our things at the old house and going to live in the new house with all the vendor's things so that gave us something to talk about! Make sure they know all their toys and stuff will be in the new house.

PeanutButterOnToad · 23/06/2022 05:06

Most three year old live very much in the here and now and don’t have a great concept of time so I would be inclined to not say much until closer to the move date. Just don’t do what I did and let favourite cuddlies be packed in a crate we wouldn’t see again for months. Not my finest parenting moment.

MarysShackles · 23/06/2022 05:33

Just tell them and make it sound 100% positive. Don’t show any sadness yourselves about the move, even if you might feel it or they may view it as a negative thing. It’s exciting so keep telling them that!

TiredInPerpetuity · 23/06/2022 05:43

We moved with a 3 year old last year. Definitely tell them, they need to know it's coming.

Are there any selling points you could use?? Our new house had space for a playroom so we really emphasised that. I also got a fish tank (he was desperate for a pet) and set it up at my sisters initially in secret then on moving day grabbed it and put it in new house for him. Anything similar you could do? A cool swing in garden or something like that? It gave him a great focus on the day and a lovely positive association for the new place rather than thinking about missing the old house

DifficultBloodyWoman · 23/06/2022 05:47

They are 3. They will learn their attitudes from you.

If you are sad or uncertain, then that is they will feel is normal for this situation.

If you are happy and excited and treat it like a trip to DisneyWorld but even better because we are going to live there full time, then, guess what, they will be happy and excited and ask ‘are we there yet?’ about 90 million times.

As their parent, it is down to you to make this a positive, exciting adventure for them.

Original poster

heg502 · 23/06/2022 05:56

Thanks guys. Yeah a problem is the house is a bit less good, we're moving to an amazing school catchment which I'm not sure is going to ring any bells for them! And near granddad.
It's been a really hard decision as we absolutely love where we live. We have nearly pulled out multiple times, and in fact did pull out last year.

OP posts:

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 23/06/2022 05:56

We let them see the old house empty so they'd know everything was moving- they understood everything was going to be in a truck for a month or so. There was no worries anything was left behind. We also said thank you to every room for all the lovely times we'd had. But that was more for our 5 year old.

TiredInPerpetuity · 23/06/2022 06:34

@heg502 they 100% won't notice the house isn't as good. And for what it's worth I think you're doing right thing to make your priority a great school.

There will be something that you can make super cool and exciting. Choosing paint for their new room. A new duvet cover for the new house. A pizza picnic on the floor on first night

Original poster

heg502 · 23/06/2022 06:41

TiredInPerpetuity · 23/06/2022 06:34

@heg502 they 100% won't notice the house isn't as good. And for what it's worth I think you're doing right thing to make your priority a great school.

There will be something that you can make super cool and exciting. Choosing paint for their new room. A new duvet cover for the new house. A pizza picnic on the floor on first night

Ah that's that's such a good idea and really reassuring too. We've had such heartache about this question it's silly really!

OP posts:

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 23/06/2022 06:51

Zonder · 23/06/2022 05:03

Definitely tell them. CN you take them to visit the new house? Show photos, talk it through, ask at the library if there is a children's book about moving house. Explain why, big up the positives.
When we moved my children were just slightly older. We discovered a day or two before the move that they thought we would be leaving all our things at the old house and going to live in the new house with all the vendor's things so that gave us something to talk about! Make sure they know all their toys and stuff will be in the new house.

Yes my 3 year old thought that too, I didn’t realise so it’s definitely something to be clear about with small DC.

CornedBeef451 · 23/06/2022 06:58

My DS 10 thought the same thing! He was also worried about the cats in case the new owners weren't very nice.

I think he thought it's like going to a holiday cottage, you get the whole house and contents. He's happier now he knows we take everything with us!

Definitely tell them and make it sound exciting. I've sold our house move to the kids as being right by the park and nearer friends.

YesHesAPlonker · 23/06/2022 08:08

heg502 · 23/06/2022 04:37

Hi,
We're moving house to a new county, and a bit stumped at what to tell our 3 year old twins. I think they sense something and sometimes say things like 'I want to stay here'.
I will be a bit sad to leave where we've been, it's been a tortuous decision. I can't imagine the actual drive away. Will we tell the girls we're not coming back when I shut the door?
Should we refer to it as our new house with pictures, or not mention it til we're actually moving?

We moved with two toddlers to be near GPs - that was the selling point for the DC ... being near grandma and grandad, I don't remember any negative emotions from them tbh - they loved their new rooms and being able to choose new things for them, curtains etc.

LeafHunter · 23/06/2022 08:39

I’m surprised at the number of people who are saying to be overly happy about it.

At 3, they need it normalised that it’s okay to feel more than one emotion. They can be sad they’re moving, excited about the new house, curious, worried, ambivalent, anything really. They need you to contain these feelings so you need a way of processing your sadness too, but it’s healthy to explain to them that it’s okay to miss the house (take some photos of them there to the new house) and also to be excited about being somewhere new. I’d be explaining someone else will live in it and get them to draw a picture for the new owner, whilst also showing them around the area of the new house so it feels familiar too.

GailTheSnail · 23/06/2022 08:45

When we moved we gave our 4 year old a bumper pack of stickers that she covered her room with. I think it really helped her mark her territory - she also puts up her own drawings and we had the room sorted with curtains up and teddys tucked up into her bed when she came home from school and saw the new house. She still occasionally says she misses the old house, but that's ok, i tell her i do too a bit. We had some happy memories there.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/06/2022 08:48

Things that helped mine...

we went shopping for new "big girl" bedroom stuff before the move (or big boy!). This was actually just wall stickers as we only had suitcases until our shipped stuff arrived, but our first day we put them up and put their new bedding on. It was then theirs.
doing something fun on the first few days
finding the play park
have family visit

TwoSecondsLater · 23/06/2022 10:27

We moved with a 6 and 3 year old. For the 3 year old we bunked him in with his brother the first night in the 6 year old's room and actually left Ds2's room empty of furniture. It meant I could paint it the same colour as his last bedroom, put up the same curtains etc and so his room still felt familiar even though the rest of the house was not. I think he found that really comforting rather than new stuff.

It was hard for Ds2 to grasp as all the photos of the new house were filled with the belongings of the owners. He couldn't quite get the fact that all his stuff was coming with him.

Calmdown14 · 23/06/2022 11:57

Agree children at three have no concept of less good.
They don't care for the state of the kitchen and everything seems massive to them.

Concentrate on the things that appeal to them. We'll be able to visit grandad more, there's a playpark we can walk to with a swing, you can feed the ducks.

You could make up a little moving pack for them and give it to them in the car or as you arrive. Handy to keep them out of the way too. The Melissa and Doug reusable stickers have a house set and mine loved them at that age (zero mess but is easier if you remove the backing and just leave stickers). They can play arranging a house themselves. Couple of cheap little toys, those magnetic drawing pad things. A cosy blanket so they are comfy even in an empty room.

They are a great age for adapting as time is much longer to them so after a week in the new house they'll have forgotten.

Flev · 24/06/2022 10:36

There's a couple of episodes of Topsy and Tim on iplayer which deal with them moving to a new house and their emotions (I think it's towards the end of the first series and the start of the second) It might be worth looking at to see if watching that with your two would help, as it's done sensibly in child friendly terms.

ClarissaD · 24/06/2022 10:38

www.amazon.co.uk/Moving-House-Usborne-First-Experiences/dp/1474995446/ref=sr_1_3?crid=11MYH9NCKE0DN&keywords=moving+house+children&qid=1656063505&sprefix=moving+house+children%2Caps%2C68&sr=8-3

Africa2go · 24/06/2022 12:08

We did exactly the same with 3 year old twins (moved for school catchment). For us, it was trying to downplay I suppose the house i.e. the important thing about a "home" was that it was just the place where Mummy, Daddy, X and Y lived and that would be the same in the new house.

Agree to making it exciting about the new things - grandad, school, but saying the old house will always have happy memories because of X, Y or Z.

One thing we did do was to set up their bedroom in exactly the same way as it had been in the old house before they even saw it (so first thing off the removals van and I set it up before my parents who were babysitting brought them to the house) - so same furniture in more or less the same configuration, same bedding, toys laid out in the same way so it didn't look too strange & in the first few days whilst they got used it, at least where they went to bed and woke up was familiar.

berksandbeyond · 24/06/2022 14:14

We moved last summer just before our daughter turned 3. We showed her lots of photos of the house during the process, went for drive bys to wave to the new house and let her choose how she wanted her bedroom decorated. It all helped and she loves it and settled really quickly

Ariela · 24/06/2022 14:20

When my DD's best friend moved house, aged 3, we went along to help them pack and move.
On the way there DD said 'We're going to have to push very hard aren't we?'
Not moving the house but moving their stuff from the old house to the new house!

SatinHeart · 24/06/2022 14:54

Africa2go · 24/06/2022 12:08

We did exactly the same with 3 year old twins (moved for school catchment). For us, it was trying to downplay I suppose the house i.e. the important thing about a "home" was that it was just the place where Mummy, Daddy, X and Y lived and that would be the same in the new house.

Agree to making it exciting about the new things - grandad, school, but saying the old house will always have happy memories because of X, Y or Z.

One thing we did do was to set up their bedroom in exactly the same way as it had been in the old house before they even saw it (so first thing off the removals van and I set it up before my parents who were babysitting brought them to the house) - so same furniture in more or less the same configuration, same bedding, toys laid out in the same way so it didn't look too strange & in the first few days whilst they got used it, at least where they went to bed and woke up was familiar.

Definitely agree with setting up their bedroom with furniture/duvet/toys etc before they see it. We did that with 3 yo DS and I think it was a huge part of helping him feel settled as he has had his familiar things around him.

Don't forget to show DC which room is yours as well, and how to get to it from theirs, in case they wake up in the night and don't know where they/you are. Be prepared to leap up in the night and rescue disoriented and sleepy DC from the landing as well!

As other pp have, said, plenty of drivebys / walks past the new house in the run up to the move.