Should we stay or should we go… help!

[Movingdecisions]

Long story short, after looking for a new home for approx 18 months we sold in late 2019, short term rented from family before basically panic buying in Feb 2020 (baby 2 was due!)

Am grateful that we bought somewhere pre Covid both for a more comfortable lock down life and before the markets went a bit crazy.. but I do have some significant feelings of regret

Our house is ideal for a family, in a popular area and they sell very quickly. Gorgeous garden etc. Basically everything behind the front door is perfect for us.. it’s just the local town that I can’t gel with (and we couldn’t afford this house in the areas I’m now pining for, of course…)

The area we just isn’t hitting the mark community wise. On paper, great- in reality, while lots of people really love it, we’re struggling to settle or to feel like it’s right for us. Just not a fit. Not horrendous at all, just not quite right (is that even reason to move?!)

Schools wise, catchment primary is offsted outstanding for whatever that is worth but results wise.. not brilliant. Also, large, two form entry. Local secondary, solid, but trailing others nearby (Harrogate and Ilkley)

So all of this is coming into horribly sharp focus as my eldest starts school sept 2023 so we have an application deadline of Jan 2023. I’ve got feelings of getting ‘trapped’ here.. not ideal.

So.. AIBU to consider
A) selling and leaving a home we’ve been in only 2 years?
B) attempting to do so with a view to complete within 7 months from now (therefore being in situ for school apps) given we’ve not even approached an estate agent yet
C)buying a smaller, less ‘nice’ house in a ‘better’ area

Or.. would it be better to not put that pressure on, and hope for an in year move in reception or year 1 (I’m acutely aware there might not be spaces.. then what?! Disastrous)

Unfortunately we cannot rent same as we did before, that exact option is not available now. We’d struggle to afford to rent from the normal market so would prefer no stop gap this time.

Thoughts, advice, words of encouragement or warning all welcome.

Go easy on me, I know this could all have been avoided by getting it right first time,
but you live and learn (really hard lessons!)

What does you DP/DH/DW think ?

It sounds like you will never be able to accept the area so you have to make peace with a smaller house in your top location. Maybe something you can extend later on?
There is nothing wrong with selling after a short time - you tried it, you don't like it so love. Life is too short.

You don't like where you are now , Otley ? , but can't put your finger on it. What did you like about where you lived before?

Bumtum: Knaresborough. It’s a weird feeling because it is a perfectly lovely place.

Previously we lived in Leeds for years and years. Though child free years until the very last so very different. But still even then we gravitated towards a place with a strong community spirit. We’ve gained space, fresh air but lost a feeling of belonging. Is that a bit pathetic?

Tango, you are right.. I don’t know why I feel a bit ashamed I guess if wanting to move to quickly. We have tried.

DH is quite stressed about it all. Has similar reservations about the fit of the town for us- but does feel more strongly than me that the DC will thrive in any school, and is less aware of how risky looking for an in year move would be..

I look at our home and think, I’m just being ungrateful- it’s absolutely lovely. But the niggle remains and it’s probably getting mixed with rising panic now the clock is on re schools.

so so tricky!

Could the pandemic being playing a part? A lot of communities are still finding their feet.

That said we live in an area often mentioned on here as being lovely and I don’t feel a connection to it at all and over the years have become more and more unhappy (sadly my husband doesn’t feel the same - feels a place is just a place) but my kids are too far in education for us to move. So if you’re wanting to go, I’d do it now before you get to into the education system.

I had the same dilemma, I moved to a gorgeous house but I just didn't feel it in the town we were in, I had no sense of belonging (which I had no idea I'd had previously!). I knew within the first 6 months that I shouldn't have moved but the house was gorgeous and big and so cheap compared to our town. I started plotting my move accepting going to the town I wanted would mean a smaller house. Meanwhile youngest DS started the local school. It took 4 years from when we moved in to move out BUT the market had risen so much we bought an equivalent 4 bed detached in the other town and nearly doubled our deposit from £80k down on house 1 to putting £150k down on new house! We moved in October 2021. So for us it worked out and I don't feel bad that we moved then moved again as financially it was a good investment. If your not DESPERATE to leave then I'd say that Its all about timing the market so you don't loose much and make some gains, a bigger deposit or moving to not a much smaller house. Our DS started his new school and now it's like he's always been there as he didn't take long to settle in.

You sound to me like you're trying to change your gut feeling, and I don't think that's something you can do. I would move and try to stop feeling bad about it.

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it.

I think you are right re gut feeling. Ultimately, for us, as well as the kids- a move is in order. Just working out the logistics/timelines/schools and the like.

Greeny, you’re experience is reassuring. I think putting the pressure on ourselves to to it in the ‘right’ order as far as school is concerned might just break us. So one thing at a time, a move, if DC starts school in the mean time.. so be it- we’ll work through the issues that may throw our way at the time (though the thought of no school place in imaginary new house makes me feel queeze.. I need to remember nothing is insurmountable one way or another)

I know a few people in Leeds and they defiantly miss it when they move!

Have you moved further away from friends and there’s no more dropping round? Have invites stopped because you’re too far away?

It’s like a home sickness feeling that you can’t shake!

Id move

I would say go for it. Scope out the area you are planning on moving to re. primary schools. I moved my son's primary school twice mid year and both times we had a good choice of good schools. So I think the mumsnet ' all the schools have waiting lists' is over egged. Unless there was only one primary school in the area you were moving to that you would be happy with. Moving a reception or year 1 child also doesn't seem to be too much of a problem, but my 7 year old had a difficult move.

I’m from Knaresborough, though I don’t live there now. The secondary school when I went there was outstanding- I did fabulously well there, and so did my friends. Similarly the primary school - though there are a few. The town itself I admit is not quite what it was -it’s suffered a decline in the high street, like many small towns. There was always a bit of rivalry between Knaresborough andHarrogate, but they are very different places. Harrogate is bigger and grander and has more going on, perhaps. But Knaresborough is a beautiful place. My heart leaps whenever I visit.

I didn’t feel comfortable in my town until my eldest started school and I really discovered the community and friends. I got some great mum friends and my kids started playing with local children and going to groups like scouts etc. I now really like where I live. Just to throw it out there that your opinion might change in the next couple of years, especially if your house itself is lovely

Move now, your post is very clear you want to move!

I know what you mean- we moved to Bristol about 8 years ago - and it never really gelled for me, I just dont think we fitted and we ended up renting a house that was a total fag to get anywhere, so after 18 months we just accepted it wasn't for us and moved to Bath- 10 mins walk into town and it worked immediately, made friends and was just more'us' . It doesn't matter if the world and his mother think where you are is amazing- if it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't. You have to make peace though with the fact you may need to compromise house wise and if it's not having friends on tap, that may be the same wherever you move to, as friends can come and go and move on too

Trying: your point is so valid, really do need to consider this- it would be wonderful to feel that way.

Bette, also great points. I know lots would be very very grateful to be in the position we are with the schools available- this is not lost on me. It’s a tricky balance. Today was bedrace day, a very Knaresborough event :)

Crikey: What a difference a few miles down the road can make. All your points so very valid - thank you. If we were somewhere awful or had ‘bad’ neighbours it would be easier to be certain, but when it’s just a feeling (which may be temporary, who knows?) it’s tricky!

a poster also mentioned the coif effect. I think maybe I underestimated this and it’s impact really. I had a lockdown baby and didn’t get to any mum friend making groups before I went back to work.. it has to contribute to this feeling doesn’t it.

thanks for the considered comments all

Are you still looking for somewhere to buy? We are currently selling our house in Starbeck. It has a wonderful sense of community. Swimming pool, park, library, post office all walkable. Starbeck and Hookstone Primary are both good schools and walkable. Train station to Leeds nearby. We’ve found it feels more like a village because of the central high street and amenities.

Hello Alice, we didn’t move. Decided it would be too stressful to do so with a target of starting primary so have taken a pause and will reassess in coming years. I got over my worries about moving primary.. if it works it works. If not, we work around it. I think we would go more rural with a move (with a very keen eye on secondary school also), but thank you for your message and good luck with your sale.

I have stumbled across this thread on my search for information on areas to move to, one of them on my list is Knaresborough and after reading your story I’m feeling a bit unsure now! I always get gut feelings and I can imagine how difficult this has been to end up somewhere but want to be somewhere else! Can I ask what sort of things have given this unsettled feeling in Knaresborough? I’m torn between this seemingly beautiful town and a few others but have a similar dilemma in that the area I really would choose if money was not an option means a serious drop in house size (Ilkley). Any honest comments on Knaresborough extremely welcome as I have had doubts myself that I can’t quite put my finger on but lead me to search on mumsnet to reassure me I’m just imagining it!

Hello!
ah I could have written your post!
we wanted to move to Ilkley but got completely priced out. We got so jaded we moved our search to Harrogate/ Knaresborough and landed on the latter.
I am much happier here than I was when I first posted here- more settled. Do I still wish we could have afforded Ilkley? Yes, of course but we’d have needed a MUCH bigger budget for the type of home we wanted for when the children are small (Though when I visit the lido I do get a massive pang still!)

not ruling anything out in the future- but Knaresborough is a really nice place to be. Quiet (but actually quite a lot going on) safe, well connected, 20 min train to york. On the a1 in minutes. Less polished than Ilkley by far, but that’s not such a bad thing.

is schooling relevant to you? No denying Ilkley grammar trumps Knaresborough king James in terms of academic results, but then of course Ripon grammar up the road the other way trumps both so a move in future wouldn’t need to be far to change catchments. King James is also highly rated by many.

lots to consider, feel free to message if I can help re anything Knaresborough :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, and it’s great to here you are more settled now. I think my biggest worry is ending up somewhere with a “your not from round here” vibe where everyone is related! We are making a move from down south, and although I don’t have the school issue to worry about as my 2 are older teens, I have different concerns around them being ok and feeling settled and fitting in as teens/young adults. Especially my son as he will be 18 when we plan to move. On our list of places to explore (and research for honest opinions on here!) are Ilkley, Burley in Wharfedale, Otley, Harrogate & Knaresborough. I had also considered around the Denby dale area as much more house for the money but I don’t want to feel too cut off from places. If you could message me any honest information on the gut feelings you have had about Knaresborough and any of the surrounding places would be so very welcome.