Not settled in after 4 months

[MiniHouse]

We moved about four months ago from a little two bed in a city to a big four bed in the suburbs. The house itself is lovely. The area is pleasant, my commute is ok. But when people say are you settled in, the real answer is no. I miss out friends, and have made one lovely new friend in the area - I'm struggling to make more, the house needs a large number of smallish repairs. I find it odd in the suburbs, it's like a ghost town. And apart from that I can't even describe it but I just have a feeling life is boring and don't have much optimism about the future and I don't belong here.

Did anyone else have this? How long did it take you to settle in, or did you stay in this mood and just wish you'd never moved area?

What did you think life in the suburb would be like ? Did you look at where you bought and thought there would be more to do ?

We moved last year and will move again this year (200 mile work relocation into rented whilst we wait to buy). We felt very similar at around the 3-4 month mark, which was Jan/Feb for us. There was an initial 'honeymoon' phase just after we'd moved when it was all exciting and we enjoyed exploring new area etc.

Then reality hit and we realised how much we hate the house we're living in (it's a temp rental so not the end of the world but we're here longer than we intended). We didn't really know anyone and felt quite isolated, not helped by the WFH order. We missed some things about our old life too and missed our old house which was beautiful and there was nothing coming on the market in New Place that we wanted to buy.

We're eight months in now and it's better. Still hate the rental house(!). I put a lot more effort into meeting people - met up with another MN person which was lovely just going for a cup of tea, tried out some things, got to know the area better. Are you settling into your new location or still going to the old one for social life etc?

Thanks, it's kind of you to take the time to post such helpful comments.

Thanks, that's interesting. We moved for work reasons mainly and needed a bigger place which is difficult to find somewhere with parking etc.. affordable in the city.

A bit of both. I tried really hard to reach out on peanut, go to nursery kids parties when we're invited and local events. Every 3 weeks we go back (it's just an hour away) to visit our old friends. It seems like most people are just keeping to themselves so whilst we have acquintances people seem not to be interested in making new friends. I also find I don't know what to talk about with people which isn't really like me.

It might just take a bit more time. But it surprised me as years ago I used to settle into new places within 2 months.

I don't think four months is very long at all.It is natural to miss your previous life, your friends, the convenience of knowing everything about your area etc.Moving somewhere new involves so many learning experiences and in your case, a lifestyle change, I think you are expecting way too much. We made several big moves in our early married life and I found it difficult.It had to be done for DH's work so I didn't resent it at all and I work in a field where you quite quickly become part of a community with your colleagues so that was easy.I think that it it takes a year or so and longer if the new area is very different. It doesn't at all mean that you won't settle in and come to love the new area , it just takes time for it to feel like home.As far as your house is concerned surely you have all the time in the world to gradually do the jobs that need doing.No need to pressurise yourselves.

If you have nursery age DC if will change a lot once they start school and local activities. They'll be lots of local things you can get involved in and work from there.

Your post resonates with me, although the circumstances for our move were different, a relocation and downsize. I can really understand the feeling of not belonging here too.

We moved 3+hrs from where we used to live, I can remember shopping locally and hearing the regional accent and feeling I didn’t belong. It’s such a strange feeling, I know exactly what you mean.

We moved last year, and we are all very happy & settled now, and I know that here is where I am supposed to be, but it took 6mths at least to stop feeling like an impostor! Moving is such an upheaval, it’s takes time to feel like home.

Good luck OP.

I found myself missing things from our old life that just don't exist here (there was a little local park with a coffee hut that was open a lot!) and then had to remind myself that I was SO BORED of going to that park when I lived there! And that, although we left a lot of friends behind when we moved, it took a lot of time to make those friends.

We've deliberately stayed in our new place at weekends and not gone visiting relatives etc - just being around and going to things has helped. We've started bumping into people we know in the street now and stopping for a chat! Also, the warmer weather means we're more likely to bump into people at the park that DD knows from school so we're starting to make connections.

Four years on and I still hate it. Planning to move again.

Interesting.

Yes maybe there's a point at which you accept you don't like it, LilythePunk, if you've been there for years, tried things out, you would know by then. Four months probably isn't that point.

I also feel like I don't know how to make friends in the south (as a northerner). Most of the friends I made in the last place were from baby groups and usually relocated from the north or abroad. People just seem to know each other mysteriously... I asked someone of they wanted to come round but they never agreed a date, though we still talk if we bump into each other. Then someone else I went for walks with but our kids didn't really get on and she seemed to make arrangements with others more. Another one is always away at weekends (she's getting bored too 🤣). You can't say I'm not trying.

I like the point of missing things you used to complain about. I miss the business but when I go back there and people nearly walk into my 3 year old, I miss it less.

Oh well... at least it's peaceful 😂

How old are your DC?

Just one child who is 3, at nursery. He has made two good friends. He asks to invite them round but although I've met the parents I haven't made that connection.

I'd defo start there. Especially if going same primary eventually