more involved husband

J417 · 2022-05-22T12:15:43+00:00

Hi we are in rental and have been looking for a house over a year now. I just found that my husband don't know / don't feel the need to look at the house sold price, other houses on sale before offering. If I ask him, he would just say offer e.g. 10k+ if you like the house. or just offer at asking. Am I unreasonable to expect he tried to learn and understand about the area? I am feeling so tired as I am the only one doing all the research. J

RandomQuest · 22/05/2022 13:24

I’m not sure I follow tbh. If you’ve been looking for over a year, wouldn’t you already know that stuff? If you’ve seen every property available in your price range, in a specific area, either online or in person for a year, what research could there possibly be to do? Annoying though that the search is taking you so long, I hear your frustration and wish you luck.

DenholmElliot1 · 22/05/2022 13:32

A year is a really long time to spend house hunting. How many properties have you actually viewed?

Original poster

J417 · 22/05/2022 13:53

RandomQuest · 22/05/2022 13:24

I’m not sure I follow tbh. If you’ve been looking for over a year, wouldn’t you already know that stuff? If you’ve seen every property available in your price range, in a specific area, either online or in person for a year, what research could there possibly be to do? Annoying though that the search is taking you so long, I hear your frustration and wish you luck.

the houses vary in different conditions, location and sizes, and not many supply here.
So far we have viewed 10 this year I guess, and last year also roughly the same 10
Every viewing he would ask the agent the asking price, I don't think he tries to remember or look at any advert sent.

I am so angry and annoyed. Am I being unreasonable to expect he did a bit more research?

OP posts:

WimbyAce · 22/05/2022 18:50

So you are saying he is not putting any effort in, it is you doing all the research etc? That would really annoy me tbh. Both me and oh are on Rightmove pretty much 24/7 and know our local market inside out so we are on the same page when it comes to offers etc. Is a lot of pressure on your shoulders to be making all the decisions.

Original poster

J417 · 22/05/2022 19:11

WimbyAce · 22/05/2022 18:50

So you are saying he is not putting any effort in, it is you doing all the research etc? That would really annoy me tbh. Both me and oh are on Rightmove pretty much 24/7 and know our local market inside out so we are on the same page when it comes to offers etc. Is a lot of pressure on your shoulders to be making all the decisions.

Yes, I am doing all the research. we have relocated to a new area .
I regretted it that I was the one to setup the rightmove alert, he never checks or looks and I have to filter the suitable property, check catchment area (as we have kids going to secondary school soon)
I tried to let him book the viewings but he never cares. Either we couldn't book it, or he won't reschedule and the properties are gone.
He does not have a sense of what to look for in a viewing either. He didn't check anything at all, e.g. electrics, boilers, windows to estimate the potential fix/renovation costs. He said we could leave it to the surveyors or builders later ..

I ask him if he knew roughly how much a 3 bedroom house would cost in the area and he had ZERO idea after a year !!!!

He said he is just doing his own way

I am so tired !

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Original poster

J417 · 22/05/2022 19:20

When I ask should we make an offer, how much we should offer, i am asking a completely useless guy

And we missed so many houses and the market went up so much!

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Original poster

J417 · 22/05/2022 19:24

and he didn't use rm or zoopla either

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DenholmElliot1 · 22/05/2022 19:47

You've viewed 20 houses? So what sort of offers have you made so far?

Dillydollydingdong · 22/05/2022 19:58

I think he's operating the way most people do, especially at the moment when house prices aren't static. By the time you've done all this so called research the house you're wanting will be gone. How much is the asking price? How much can you afford? That's all you need to think about. Personally I've never even had a survey done and I've never had a problem.

easyday · 22/05/2022 20:06

I can understand it's frustrating but do you really need both of you to do the background research? It's not that hard or that time consuming. Take it as an opportunity to put forth houses you like and decide yourself what a reasonable offer is.

ChickpeaPie · 22/05/2022 20:18

Sounds like he doesn’t want to move

WimbyAce · 22/05/2022 21:25

It does seem like his heart isn't it to be honest, does he genuinely want to buy?

thewaitislong · 22/05/2022 23:01

If it helps, my husband had minimal input in it all as well. Many times it did feel like I was doing all the hard work, it was annoying at times that house hunting, arranging viewings,ALL the talking to everybody was all on me, but ultimately I got my way with a lot of things 😁 My husband isn't really that fussed about a lot of things, he's quite easy going.
(And it took us 20 months of looking to finally buy a house - horrendously long process in this market).

Starseeking · 23/05/2022 00:20

It sounds like he's quite happy leaving it all to you. He really doesn't seem bothered where you live.

Original poster

J417 · 23/05/2022 08:27

Starseeking · 23/05/2022 00:20

It sounds like he's quite happy leaving it all to you. He really doesn't seem bothered where you live.

When I asked him where to live, he said he would be happy anywhere.
He just want glamour nice decorated houses.

Had he considered how the kids commute to school ? How we travel to work ?

NOTHING NOHTING NOTHING!

He said we could work it out, he said people living there do that! But might be those people drive, don't have to take trains to work or don't have school age kids . It is unbelievable that he never consider our needs.

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Starseeking · 23/05/2022 09:52

In the nicest possible way @J417, your DH has told you verbally he isn't bothered where you live, and his actions have also told you the same. He is not going to change.

Instead of becoming stressed out by it, you need to switch your mindset to whether you accept his attitude towards this, and manage your expectations so that you are in sole charge of this house moving project.