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Original poster

Stressed after exchange

27 replies

JaneSR · 09/04/2022 06:44

We have exchanged on a new house to move in a month and have huge sadness and remorse. It’s been such a tough process to get to this stage with selling/buying process that I think I focussed on that rather than emotionally how I would feel about leaving our home for 15 years with all our memories of our children being little there and can’t bear thought of walking out door for last time. New house is bigger but more rural (can walk to town and shops now) and children will need to be driven to school (could walk there before), needs work and will financially stretch us. Have cried for 3 days since exchange and just can’t stop thinking about never being in our home again. Just wish I could back out and now it’s too late 🥲

OP posts:

HotDogKetchup · 09/04/2022 06:45

You’re just getting cold feet. It’s normal.

starpatch · 09/04/2022 06:58

Big hugs to you. Take lots of pictures of your old house and focus on making your new house your own. Get help with packing if you need so you can organise boxes and make sure you take things like the children's height charts.

DropYourSword · 09/04/2022 07:01

Focus on all the reasons you decided to move house in the first place, and the reasons you chose this new place.
I've not ever been through this before as I'm still in the first house I bought but I've seen it can be really common. Don't stress too much about how you feel and accept it can just be part of the process.

Roselilly36 · 09/04/2022 07:05

Handhold, must people are delighted when they exchange OP, sorry this isn’t the case for you.

Think about the property you are moving to, you must have had good reasons to move and like the house you are purchasing.

Change can be difficult, but all your memories of living in current home, will always be with you.

We moved last year, after living in our previous house for 18 years, my DS couldn’t remember anywhere other than living there. It was a big change in new area, massive downsize, unfortunately I have MS so we needed a bungalow and a smaller, easier home, as things progress. We are all really happy and settled, but it does take time.

It will be ok, you have exchanged, so what’s done is done, you now need to look forward. Good luck with your move.

RidingMyBike · 09/04/2022 07:23

I felt like this too, even though we'd wanted to move for ages and the house was no longer working for us. But it was the house we'd got married from and then had DD. We've relocated 200 miles (currently in rented whilst we wait to buy) so huge lifestyle change etc and we hate the rental house, which hasn't helped.

What has helped was making sure we'd got plenty of pictures of our old house - not just in the background of people pics and then not going back once we'd gone. Actually leaving it was awful (and I nearly went back for a visit a month later as it hadn't sold at that point!). That trip (for work) was cancelled due to Omicron and I'm glad it didn't happen now. I've also had friends tell me about a skip on the drive and offered to send me pics of what was in it, but I don't want to know!

Original poster

JaneSR · 09/04/2022 07:36

Thank you all. It’s not helping that my young son keeps saying that all his happy memories and family traditions are here. Also I think I am a bit daunted by leaving immaculately done house to a project and a stretch on finances. Been focussed on the move for so long I do t think I put the emotion of leaving into my head until exchange happened. Not very good at dealing with change 😢

OP posts:

Notmyyearthisyear · 09/04/2022 07:46

Change is always difficult. Try to just accept the emotions you are feeling without assigning too much meaning to them.
What you’re feeling is totally understandable, but it does not mean you have made a mistake. It’s your family that makes a home, not bricks and mortar. You will learn to live your new home again. There were reasons you made this decision.
Stay strong op 🤗🤗

Roselilly36 · 09/04/2022 07:50

@JaneSR

That’s only because it’s all your son knows atm, all those traditions will carry on in the new home 🤗 give it a few months, and you will wonder why you were so worried. It will be ok.

Original poster

JaneSR · 09/04/2022 08:05

Thank you. I think it’s the middle of the night anxiety - at 2am this morning I was trying to work out how much it would cost us to pull out now!! Change is so hard.

OP posts:

RidingMyBike · 09/04/2022 08:14

DD was similarly anxious about leaving the house (she was also moving schools and leaving friends behind) and we had a few wobbles about whether we were doing the right thing. She ended up settling within a couple of days and it's been really positive!

pilates · 09/04/2022 08:15

You will lose your deposit.

Focus on the positives.

JustJam4Tea · 09/04/2022 08:15

Buyers remorse is really common. As poster above says acknowledge them but don’t let them overtake your life.

I was so anxious in the 6 months between offer and moving. Convinced we’d done the wrong thing, had stretched too far. Fortunately have a v unemotional husband who just let it wash over him. To him a house was just a house.

Till the first night we were in and we just said it feels like home. Even with all the work that needed done, the awful decoration, it felt like home.

He’s very attached to it now, 2 years later, all major building work done…

It probably helped that move meant we could finally get a dog.

Walk past old house now, with a fondness, but so glad for more space, no parking problems and nice neighbours.

RidingMyBike · 09/04/2022 08:16

I also looked back at early photos as we'd done up the old house from poor condition too - I'd forgotten how bad it was at the beginning. That helped me find confidence we could do that again!

TheNoonBell · 09/04/2022 10:21

Once you have your stuff (and family) out it won't feel like home any more.

It's the people and things that make home homely.

Original poster

JaneSR · 09/04/2022 11:38

Thank you all. Just feel exhausted with it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

JaneSR · 18/04/2022 21:50

Me again! So - have not been too bad and focussed on practical steps to get packing done then today I just suddenly thought of all the memories and that we wouldn’t do certain things in our house again (like Christmas) and as soon as children in bed have cried for hours. Just not coping with leaving behind our current home - is it normal? Just can’t find any advice to deal with it in my head. Made worse by my youngest today saying he was sad to move and not be here anymore. I just have no tactics or knowledge of how to deal with my awful emotions and helping my children let go too 😢😢😢

OP posts:

Passanotherjaffacake · 18/04/2022 22:04

If it helps OP, we moved recently and I felt worried about leaving a home we made very nice and moving somewhere which was a real financial stretch. We still worry about affording it all but my little one settled in immediately, has never mentioned the old house, loves being here and running around etc.

We read lots of books on moving, that might help. I’m sure your children will be comforted to know all your traditions are the same and that home is where your family are and memories are portable.

Good luck OP. Normal to have a wobble but deep breath and keep yourself on course.

Original poster

JaneSR · 18/04/2022 22:05

Thank you. It has just hit me really hard today 😢

OP posts:

NewHouseNewMe · 18/04/2022 22:30

With respect I think you need to change tack.
Tell the kids it’s super exciting as this time they’ll remember moving, renovating, choosing the new house decor etc. This is the house they’ll leave university for, return for holidays, host 18th parties, maybe even leave for their weddings or bring their babies to visit..
Make this your new home with new memories - exciting times!

Original poster

JaneSR · 18/04/2022 22:38

Thank you. Yes I have done that already - they have notebooks to write down ideas for bedrooms, planning friends staying etc and said we can make lots of exciting memories there. They have been fine or so I thought until today when suddenly said how sad they are feeling. I just can’t imagine leaving the house for the last time and never going back there x

OP posts:

NewHouseNewMe · 18/04/2022 22:41

I think it’s harder to move to a project because they don’t see the advantages straight away but do look for them - a new more grown up swing? We were sad leaving our old place and then had to move again for renovations but the kids have been very adaptable and robust! They say they prefer the new house.

Step1234 · 18/04/2022 22:53

The children are probably picking up on your negative energy about it. You kind of need to just buck up and get on with it to be honest - you presumably made the decision to move because it's best for your family, the house is just bricks and mortar. Focus on that. Your memories are still there, even if you're not in that house anymore.

graceandmercy · 19/04/2022 00:58

I remembered one week before our last move DS asked ‘possible if we don’t make the move?’. I felt his reluctance and anxiety. I shared that too. But I knew the move was right, so worked as planned.
DS adapted well to the new place sooner than i could imagine. He also learned from that experience ‘uncertainty consumes joy, and such joy won’t be his if we drew back that day.’
Kids are sentimental, also strong on accepting new things. Indeed they are much affected/led by parents’ emotion, aren’t they?
Moving out from a place filled with memories needs much mental preparation (I personally experienced that twice which was definitely heartbreaking). Looking backward those memories still hanging in mind but only forward stepping on is the right move for life to keep going. We will not live in a same house for good, but moments lasts! All the best to your new life chapters ahead!

Roselilly36 · 19/04/2022 07:32

Aww sorry you are still feeling like this, when do you move? I think this one of the the worst stages of the moving process, your current home, feels less and less like yours, as you pack precious items away, and the new home is a blank canvas, so it’s bound to feel daunting.

We first moved after having our children, DS1 was just over two and a half, DS2 7 mths. We moved from a small 2 bed to a very large family house, we were very excited, even though it was a doer upper. DS1 said he wanted to go back to his old house, he wanted his old house, when we moved from the large family house 18 years later, yes, you guessed it …he didn’t want to move, he is really happy in our new home now, we moved here 14mths ago now. Change is always challenging, and can be very emotional too.

There must be very valid reasons for your move, focus on these.

Good luck OP, the anticipation is often worse than the event. Please post an update after you have moved and let us all know how you are. Wishing happiness in your new home.

Original poster

JaneSR · 19/04/2022 09:32

Thank you all. I guess I just don’t deal with change very well at all and just feel very daunted. Just trying to stay focussed on positives but all feels very weird

OP posts:

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