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Original poster

Moved house can’t stop crying

19 replies

wanderlove · 22/02/2022 10:39

We have wanted to move from our area for years. The village and primary school were lovely but the wider area wasn’t nice and the secondary was awful. We have spent ages trying to find a house and we’re constantly outbid. Eventually got a house that was £20k over asking price. The house needs a lot of work but could be lovely. Since completion day I just can’t stop crying. I feel the work on thr house is overwhelming, everything is dirty, there’s no point getting carpets etc as we are going to do structural work etc. The village seemed really nice when we came twice to view but now it feels really really quiet. I’m completely freaking out. It doesn’t help that we had saved for years and this house is twice what our previous house was… but it doesn’t feel nice at all. My other half is being supportive and says that if we dont settle we can just do this house up and see it as a stepping stone to find the right area. He thinks if we do the house up nicely we will make money on it. I just want to give my head a wobble and feel ok…but I feel devastated. My kids have had to change school as we have moved around an hour away and they cried so much saying goodbye to their friends that I feel wracked with guilt

OP posts:
ABitBesotted · 22/02/2022 10:42

Onwards and upwards.

Violetmo0n · 22/02/2022 10:44

It's overwhelming, kids in new school, new area, house need work done, it's a lot.
Kids will settle, you'll get used to the area, and once work starts you'll get it how you want it.

It's a lot of change, you just need time to settle

Original poster
wanderlove · 22/02/2022 11:12

Thanks for your comments. Some reassurance from thr internet if helping. In my head I know logically it will settle down…but it doesn’t stop how awful it feels now

OP posts:
penelopequiche · 22/02/2022 11:15

I honestly think this is a very common phenomenon. Take it one day at a time with the house and you'll get there. We were in a very similar position. Bought a doer upper for a good secondary. I was so depressed at first as our last house was beautiful but 6 years on and we haven't looked back. I wish you lots of luck xxx

Original poster
wanderlove · 22/02/2022 11:21

Yes that’s it! Our last house was small but it was beautiful and I felt really at home there. I have form for fearing making a mistake and over thinking so this is a big test for me. Also I’m on my own in thr house just looking at it. I’m just going to have a cup of tea on the bench outside and listen to the bits to try and feel a bit more zen. I’m going to try abs finish unpacking and put thr boxes away today

OP posts:
zafferana · 22/02/2022 11:26

The most stressful things in life: death of a loved one, divorce, moving house. Having a baby doesn't even make the list! You've just done one of the three most stressful things you can do and now you're living in a house that needs a lot of work and you've uprooted your kids and the village seems too quiet ... Give yourselves time OP. Your DH is right - if you do the house up and still don't like it, you can sell it and move again. Deep breath!

QueenCamilla · 23/02/2022 13:30

Try to focus on the very real reasons why you moved (Schools? Space? Beautiful house? Work? ) and try to look at your new place via that lens.
As cheesy as it sounds : focus on the positives whilst the rest is catching up!

I'm about to move to the other side of the country to a property I bought at auction. I have visited the area once. It's an ex-council estate (which is rather lovely, quiet and green despite the locals dissing it 🤷‍♂️).
I'm moving with a 7yo and absolutely no one else.
The house will need lots of work and I'm expecting to have to camp out in the house whilst the roof is getting changed (and all the damage that the leaky roof has caused is fixed).
I'll need to do lots of the work by myself - digging a couple of tons of pebbles out of the garden - anyone? Whilst also looking after the kiddo and putting food on our table. I very well might cry at times!

BUT : I'm doing this to be mortgage free. How nice it will be to have a lovely (eventually ) house with gardens, drive and a little more space and cash to spare!
I'll nail my last rent-bill from my pokey two bed flat in the South East to the wall - so I have a constant reminder of why I'm doing this.

Don't lose the perspective or give into the fear of missing out. It's just that initial overwhelm stage! Flowers

GrowBabyGrow · 23/02/2022 13:40

Change is overwhelming and moving is exhausting - your feelings are completely valid but you hopefully won't feel like that forever. I was the same when we moved into our house. It was absolutely disgusting and I was overwhelmed with all the things we had to do. But once we got it clean and had our stuff unpacked it felt so much less daunting. If the carpets are bad highly recommend hiring a carpet cleaning machine to get dirt up and also rugs to make it more cosy. And it is amazing what you adapt to in a do-er upper. You'll find that the things that are overwhelming now when you've just moved in are actually fine! And living in the house you'll work out what the priorities are for work to be done. Focus on why you moved there and all the benefits to your family. We've been in our house now for almost a year and I've gone from 'what the F have we done we must sell immediately' to 'I love my home and the project to do it up is exciting'

TheNoodlesIncident · 23/02/2022 17:32

Our last house was small but it was beautiful and I felt really at home there.

How many years were you there, though? When you have been in your new years the same number of years, it will feel at home to you too, as you will have made it so, same as you did the first one.

They are all bricks and mortar, it's what we do to them over the passage of time that makes them ours. Your children will settle and make new friends, the area will become familiar. It just takes time.

Plus, your DH is right: if it doesn't work out, you can move on when you decide it's just not working. It's the change that's scary, leaving the known and familiar.

Nightmanagerfan · 23/02/2022 17:36

We moved about five months ago and I cried every day for two weeks. Now, I love it. Our house isn’t perfect but we have made friends, got used to the area and have settled in.

Have a wine and give it time Flowers

FantasticFebruary · 23/02/2022 17:42

(((HUG)))

I think everyone has nailed it already!

It's a house, PEOPLE make it HOME!

As your DH says, do it up, you'll make a profit, then move if you're not happy at that stage, the kids will be fine.

Do you have a refurb plan yet?

What would make you happiest to do first?

How are the kids doing?

Enjoy the garden & the birds singing as much as you can!!

ShowOfHands · 23/02/2022 17:48

I moved 5yrs ago to a house in a village I wanted to live in and a house which suited our needs. It meant changing schools and living in a house which had foul carpets, terrible wallpaper on every wall and ceiling, massive issues necessitating a new roof and as also required a new bathroom and kitchen, stripping each room back to brick, new ceilings, extension, electrics, central heating. The list went on and on and we couldn't afford to do all of it in one go and like you, no point decorating or doing nice stuff as we had huge jobs to do first.

I cried. I drove back to the old house and sat outside of it feeling utter regret. I loved the new village, the house had huge potential, we had a million reasons to move. But oh God I felt awful.

It's 5yrs later and this year will be our last year in the house. We have only a tiny bit to do and then we are moving on. I already feel bereft. I love my house. I love the village. I have lifelong best friends down the road. I will feel exactly the same as I did leaving the last place.

It is not, I repeat NOT a sign that you've made a mistake. It's fear of the unknown. It's giving up a home where you have memories not just your own but of your children's firsts and a life together. It is impossible to not feel torn by moving on. But you take your family and the memories with you and slowly develop familiarity. You'll love your new house. Bet you a tenner! It's just a house today. Soon it will be your home. Hang tight. It'll get better.

collieresponder88 · 23/02/2022 18:02

I think the moral of the the story is stay where your kids are happy

ShowOfHands · 23/02/2022 19:12

@collieresponder88

I think the moral of the the story is stay where your kids are happy
I disagree and I think your response has the potential to make the op feel terrible.

More accurate to suggest that you work to make your children happy wherever you are. I've lived in lots of houses and moved as we've needed to. The children have been happy in every house but moving had been necessary for myriad reasons.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 23/02/2022 19:33

Completely normal- think some is mum guilt too but my two thrived in the new location and we saw old school friends for a while but even that tailed off eventually. It’ll be fab!

DogforPM · 23/02/2022 21:17

I think it’s very, very common to feel this way. I definitely did. Give yourself time, get some of your familiar stuff out and try to enjoy the planning stage of decorating etc.

idril · 23/02/2022 21:27

Definitely normal. I moved into a house that was nicely done out but even then, I didn't feel at home there for a good six months.

I look back on that time that we moved (nearly 4 years ago) definitely as one of the most stressful times in my life.

I think it will get better for you.

Saltyquiche · 23/02/2022 22:11

This is a really normal feeling, you’ve got a lot of work to do on the house in a new area. But pull your big girl pants on, once you’ve made a couple of local friends and got the house semi done you’ll feel totally different. And besides your old friends are only an hour away, which is nothing! Put a few dates in the diary to meet half way

Saltyquiche · 23/02/2022 22:13

It’s normal to take a year or so to adapt.

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