Adult son don’t want to move.

[Barbiebetty]

I have 3 dc age 21/15/10 we been living in our current flat for nearly 10yrs now, and been on the social housing mutual house exchange for this time period (I never liked this property). last year I found a lady who’s willing to exchange, and we’re in the process of moving. My 21yr old son has decided if we move, he’s not going to move with me because it’s in Sw london and we live in north london. Even though he’s currently away in Norwich for university. I really don’t know what to do know as I feel like I’m forcing him out our family home if we move, but it might take another 10yrs before I find someone else who’s willing to move with me again, as I don’t live in the most nicest of areas. What do I do?? This situation is causing me so much anxiety.

*doesn't

It’s time to put yourself first and your other children if you think the new place is nicer. Your oldest son can still be made to feel very welcome to visit whenever he wants and to stay with you whenever it suits him

You are in no way forcing him out of the house.
You're moving.
He's welcome to live in the new house

He doesn't want to.

There's no need for you to feel guilty.

He's an adult now, op. Time to cut those strings. He's the one deciding not to move, you aren't forcing him to do anything.

We moved area when my ds was about 20. He wanted to come with us but if he hadn't he would have had to make his own arrangements...

Your son sounds sensible, Op. Move and if you can ensure that there is a space available for him to come and stay with you.

He also might come to the realisation that saving to buy his own place will be much easier if he is living with you 😂

You aren’t forcing him out though m he is choosing not to move with you

It might be an idea to help him sense check his 'finish uni and buy a place' plans. Does he understand things like 'earn to pay rent' and 'save a deposit to buy a house'? If not, does he have lots of savings to tide him over or will he become a South Londoner once reality bites?

Good luck.

I think you should move for the younger children and yourself. If you stay and get a chance to move in another ten years will you stay put if the youngest doesn't want to go, and then be somewhere you don't want to live in 15yrs on your own?
Also if he is thinking about buying after university then you should be so proud of the job you did raising him. Even if it doesn't work out the fact that he wants to be independent and responsible for himself is fantastic.

Thank you for the replies, it does make me feel better, knowing I’m not that bad mother moving to an area he doesn’t want to go. The likeliness of him changing his mind will probably be small, because he has both grandmothers who are willing to put him up in north london, but your all right he is an adult who works, drives, studies etc he will always have a home with me regardless what happens.