So many replies, thank you everyone!
@TizerorFizz I’m hoping we might be able to retain the wall dividing the loo and lobby and have the shower one side and the loo and sink the other. So effectively we would remove the door and threshold and tile everywhere leaving the opening as an entrance to a fully contained shower area. Both the main toilet waste pipe and drain run along that side of the house anyway, so it’s not like we need to redirect underground drains or anything that major. (Ultimately all the new plumbing upstairs will be being built over the new wetroom, so all the bathroom/toilet plumbing will be aligned.)
We definitely want it to look like a nice room, rather than a hospital bathroom. I was thinking of a built in seat and recess for shampoo/shower gel etc. I’ve had a quick look today and you can get some nicer looking silver grab rails, that don’t look too intrusive, which is a relief because I was thinking we may end up with the white/clinical style ones, which really would make it more of hospital than home look.
@Inmyvillagetoo thank you, I will go and have a look at their website. Ds2’s OT was keen to get the council involved in doing our room, but there were complicated reasons meaning we had to wait before we could make changes to the building and we would rather the end look was smart family bathroom than the focus being purely on disabled access. Ds1 is fiercely independent and has already refused the offer of a hospital bed and specialised seating. He is very accepting of his disabilities, but determined they won’t dominate his life - or his style. I think he would prefer it if the downstairs loo room doesn’t highlight his disability any more than it has to. Ds1 doesn’t care either way, as long as he can carry on having hour long showers on a daily basis!
I doubt he will even notice what the room looks like.
As mentioned above, ds1’s hour long showers (45 minutes on a good day) which are driven by his OCD, necessitate really good ventilation, so we will be really careful with planning that. We currently have an extractor that he has running while he showers, then leaves on and we keep checking till all the steam has gone before switching it off. We leave the window open the rest of the time, to maximise air flow. It’s far from ideal though, as the bathroom is directly below my bedroom at the moment and that means the fan is just a few feet below my pillow, which doesn’t go down well when I have a migraine!
As I said, it’s going to be part of a much larger renovation, including an extension, although we are rethinking our original plans, as we’ve watched prices go up massively in every area from materials to labour and I’m not convinced they will ever go back to where they were. So I am just trying to wrap my head around what we really want and need, whether it’s physically possible, what’s involved and if we can within our budget.
We have waited years to be able to do all this and had a really good budget for it, but in the context of Brexit and the pandemic, realistically, that budget is not going to go as far as we had hoped and we need to be realistic about what we can and can’t do. It’s our forever house - that we’ve already lived in for 18 years, several of which it has been totally unsuitable for our needs - so we’re comfortable with investing in it, but would really like to get the big changes done all at once, to minimise disruption to the family. Ds1 is already struggling with the idea of us making changes (ASD plus OCD phobias around building work and building materials) so we can’t really do it in stages as more funds become available, it’s going to be a move out and rent somewhere job, then move back in when it’s all done and even that will be challenging for him.
To be honest, the whole things terrifies me, it’s so huge, so many things to think about, such a lot of money and there are so many ways it can all go horribly wrong, but our lives will be so much easier once it’s done, as everyone will finally have their individual housing needs met.