How to compromise on area

[thefatpotato]

DH wants good secondary schools (state or grammar). I want to live in SE18 (where we currently live) as after moving back here from abroad 3 years ago I finally have some great friends and feel settled, and the kids have great friends (and DD is in a wonderful school having just started reception). At a real push I don't want to leave London and feel like we're already far enough out here in zone 4. We only have a budget of £700k, maybe a bit more at a push.

We'd decided on Shooters Hill but DH thinks it's too far to the grammar schools and the local secondary's aren't good. I think our DD is only 5 and in a wonderful school with great friends and is thriving and want to deal with secondary in 4 years.

We have hit a price ceiling on our current flat whilst houses have increased in value much faster, so we want to move to avoid being priced out.

I know secondary schools are so important but I'm finding it impossible to imagine upheaving our entire lives again for something which seems so far off at the moment. DD would be absolutely devastated to leave her school and friends (as would I TBH).

So, anyone have any advice?

I recognise £700k is a stonking load of cash, but in London it doesn't go far, particularly when you want an area with good schools. I just want to say I recognise how fortunate we are!

Can't help with the actual area, but just check how it would work if you're looking at applying for grammar schools. Here, you take the exam at the start of Yr 6 so apply at the end of Yr 5, and have to be in catchment by then (application). For other secondaries you have to be resident in the area by the time of your application (usually January before they start high school). I know it seems way off but there's no easy answer once you have a child at school and know that you'll need to disrupt them at some point.

There are lots of children trying to move into primary schools in Yr 4/5 and later in Yr 6 locally to be eligible for grammar school - I always think that would be harder than changing in reception, but then you have to think about yourself / the family too.

It'll only get harder to relocate as your child gets older, not easier. Young children make friends very quickly compared to older children.

@thefatpotato we recently moved out of London for more space and better schools. 10 months on and I am still mourning the loss of my London life fab primary school and London friends but…..
DD (5 yo) got over it super quick - has new friends and even though I arranged visits and video calls to her London friends I realised she didn’t really need or want that after around 6 months (it was more for me)
We have a house that will fit us potentially for the next 20years and the schools are good so now I really can put down some roots knowing I never need to move again (even though it feels hard atm!)
I would echo what others have said - it’ll only get harder as the kids get older so maybe try and visualise what you’ll want/ need in 10-15yrs and try and set yourself up for that in this move. Moving is really stressful and expensive - Would you need to upsize again if you stayed in SE18?

Could you move further out but still striking distance of SE18? I think I found it particularly hard because we moved from NE London to Surrey so visiting people back there is an overnight trip: maybe you wouldn’t need to be so extreme.

@MrsJamin

It'll only get harder to relocate as your child gets older, not easier. Young children make friends very quickly compared to older children.

I just feel so awful about it. We let all of my family who she grew up around to move back here, and she misses them all so much. She still talks about her friends where she was born (we FaceTime etc) and asks when we are going to see them next. We currently live literally next door to her best friend 😭

[quote Battybonkers]@thefatpotato we recently moved out of London for more space and better schools. 10 months on and I am still mourning the loss of my London life fab primary school and London friends but…..
DD (5 yo) got over it super quick - has new friends and even though I arranged visits and video calls to her London friends I realised she didn’t really need or want that after around 6 months (it was more for me)
We have a house that will fit us potentially for the next 20years and the schools are good so now I really can put down some roots knowing I never need to move again (even though it feels hard atm!)
I would echo what others have said - it’ll only get harder as the kids get older so maybe try and visualise what you’ll want/ need in 10-15yrs and try and set yourself up for that in this move. Moving is really stressful and expensive - Would you need to upsize again if you stayed in SE18?

Could you move further out but still striking distance of SE18? I think I found it particularly hard because we moved from NE London to Surrey so visiting people back there is an overnight trip: maybe you wouldn’t need to be so extreme.[/quote]
Where in Surrey did you end up?

To be honest where we are has everything and is completely perfect aside from the secondary school option, which I think is why I'm struggling so much. We wouldn't need to upsize again as the houses we are looking at we would extend to become a really decent family home.

We need to look further afield don't we 😭😭

[quote Battybonkers]@thefatpotato we recently moved out of London for more space and better schools. 10 months on and I am still mourning the loss of my London life fab primary school and London friends but…..
DD (5 yo) got over it super quick - has new friends and even though I arranged visits and video calls to her London friends I realised she didn’t really need or want that after around 6 months (it was more for me)
We have a house that will fit us potentially for the next 20years and the schools are good so now I really can put down some roots knowing I never need to move again (even though it feels hard atm!)
I would echo what others have said - it’ll only get harder as the kids get older so maybe try and visualise what you’ll want/ need in 10-15yrs and try and set yourself up for that in this move. Moving is really stressful and expensive - Would you need to upsize again if you stayed in SE18?

Could you move further out but still striking distance of SE18? I think I found it particularly hard because we moved from NE London to Surrey so visiting people back there is an overnight trip: maybe you wouldn’t need to be so extreme.[/quote]
And on your last point, we absolutely could. The schools DH likes are probably only a 20 minute drive...but they're not places I want to live. I feel on the cusp of getting my freedom back a bit now our youngest is heading towards getting his nursery funding, I feel like I'm getting ME back a bit, and now DH wants us to move out to surburbia. I HATE the suburbs.

I can't help here but also live in SE18 and also love it. Such a great community and loads going on. Stay x

Hi from SE3 : ) Are you in catchment for Thomas Tallis? It's a good secondary from what I hear.

If your DD is only 5 I wouldn't move based on how secondaries are rated now, things can change a lot.

I completely understand why you don't want to leave, we also moved back a couple years ago and no way do we want to move again.

If you haven't already seen it you can check catchments on locrating.com

Tallis has a pretty big catchment down Shooters Hill

I wouldn't relocate for secondary if your child is only in reception - schools can change so much in 7 years so what is a mediocre school now could become outstanding by then and vice versa.

Remind your husband that grammar schools get good results because they select their intake - not primarily because they are great schools. Your child could do brilliantly at a decent comprehensive with mediocre overall results.

@mortgagemusings

Remind your husband that grammar schools get good results because they select their intake - not primarily because they are great schools. Your child could do brilliantly at a decent comprehensive with mediocre overall results.

Yes, I have done. He went to a Grammar and then on to Oxbridge so that's the path he knows. I also suspect there is also a part of him which feels guilty for not earning enough to send the children private (which is ridiculous as he works so so hard).

@ConstanceL

I wouldn't relocate for secondary if your child is only in reception - schools can change so much in 7 years so what is a mediocre school now could become outstanding by then and vice versa.

I think the problem is we are looking to move soon. He wants to future-proof the move a bit, I don't want to throw a bomb into our lives with massive upheaval of new school/friends for all of us, on top of general upheaval of new house.

@dreamingbohemian

Hi from SE3 : ) Are you in catchment for Thomas Tallis? It's a good secondary from what I hear.

If your DD is only 5 I wouldn't move based on how secondaries are rated now, things can change a lot.

I completely understand why you don't want to leave, we also moved back a couple years ago and no way do we want to move again.

waves

We're not, nor is the part I want to move to unfortunately.

@leopardpeelbanana

I can't help here but also live in SE18 and also love it. Such a great community and loads going on. Stay x

If I start a petition will you sign it?

I don’t think it is necessarily harder to move later in primary. We moved when the DC were in year 5 and 6. (We actually moved on secondary school application deadline day, I don’t recommend cutting it that fine).

They settled straight in - school is school, they are more alike than not nowadays. They were fresh blood in year groups that had got a bit stale, and they made more rounded friendships than in their old school.

I think my DC would have had more trouble moving younger, particularly DC2 who cried going into school for half of reception.

Shooters Hill is great. It's easy to get to Bexley Grammar from there by bus (51 from Woolwich or 89 and change) but as you're in Greenwich then a 'top 180' score is needed (out of approx 6000!) Other grammar schools such as Beth's have come out to SE18 and even SE3 in recent years and others like St Olaves in Orpington have no catchment or Newstead for girls - 9 mile catchment. The Dartford grammars are very easily accessible from Woolwich by train.

There are school buses/private coaches to some of the grammars from Woolwich/the Standard.

Good state schools in Greenwich are Tallis and St Thomas More (check out criteria). I'm not sure what Greenwich Free School is like.

One option if your budget is £700K is to buy a £500K house in Shooters Hill and then set aside £200K for independent schools at secondary. Blackheath Girls school, Colfe's and Eltham College are nearby and private buses to the Dulwich schools.

Eltham/New Eltham/Sidcup/Chislehurst are also nice areas to live and fairly well connected for the Grammar schools. If you live on the Bexley side right next to Greenwich Borough ie somewhere like New Eltham then you don't need a top score and Chislehurst and Sidcup Grammar school is very close by.

I think you need to ask yourself genuinely whether you’d be happy either sending your kids to the true “local” school (i.e. the one everyone goes to by default) wherever you move. It’s true that schools do change but in my experience not much, and you can’t guarantee that happening. Be realistic- where I used to live (North London) the local school was actually fine, but still over 80% of my daughter’s class (yes the more pushy, aspiring middle class families generally) were either tutored from about yr 3/4 to pass exams for grammar/ private school or moved away. Our DD was not especially academic so wouldn’t have suited the grammar and we couldn’t have afforded private so we moved house out of London, to an area where all the schools are fine and there’s not such a divide. I know that if we’d stayed she probably would have lost contact with her friends at different schools anyway and also that I would have found it difficult being one of the few people who didn’t send their kids private/ selective. If you/ your DH would feel the same then you either have to financially future proof your situation (so as others have said set money aside as part of the move) or resolve to move again in 5-6 years, which is no fun, or move now. And sadly you do need to start thinking about it from around year 3/4 which arrives sooner than you might think! I think I’m with your DH on this one personally having lived through the hassle of moving.

We’re in Farnham, it’s lovely but soooo different to zone 3 London. TBH if we’d had your budget I reckon we would’ve stayed in London - maybe moved to a neighbouring postcode to get into grammar school catchment (we were just outside it). Moving out of London was a no brainer for us as we just couldn’t afford a family house inside the M25.

@Battybonkers

We’re in Farnham, it’s lovely but soooo different to zone 3 London. TBH if we’d had your budget I reckon we would’ve stayed in London - maybe moved to a neighbouring postcode to get into grammar school catchment (we were just outside it). Moving out of London was a no brainer for us as we just couldn’t afford a family house inside the M25.

Sorry OP - was replying to your question further up- thought id added it as a quote but somehow didn’t! Looks a bit odd as a stand-alone comment…

Try Beckenham. Access to
Great primaries, secondaries and their grammars. £700k should get you a good house compared to shooters hill. Can get the train to lewisham from clock house for a trip to Greenwich. We moved at aged 6 for secondaries. Didn't need to change primaries though so that wasn't an issue.
My friend did it too (different area). She was worried about her dd changing school aged 8, but apparently she didn't really mind.