DP and I keep disagreeing/arguing about how to decorate.

[Spreadingtheword]

DP is PlayStation obsessed - we’ve had countless argument about how he ignores toddler DD while on his PlayStation, and that it means me or her can’t watch telly in the living room when he’s playing it for hours on end. I suggest in new house he has the spare bedroom as a games room and take it up there, he doesn’t and this so we’re ‘compromising’ with it being in the living room with the promise to turn it off of DD asks for telly on or to play/wants attention from him.

But that’s a different story, but relevant.

Our current living room set up is TV on the wall, with two shelves either side with his PlayStation, controllers on display on one side.. then the router and sky box on display on the other. I’ve always hated that that’s the focal point of the room.

He wants TV screwed to the wall under any circumstance, I wanted it on or in a unit. So the compromise is.. it’s going on the wall.

I’ve suggested we can still get a. Unit to go underneath to keep fabric boxes of the kids toys toys and away.. he doesn’t want a floor unit and would rather just have the boxes..
On the floor? Honestly think at that point he’s just trying to be argumentative.

So then we move onto display/shelving. I’ve said I’d like nice units either side the telly, so I can display some nice decorative bits/plants maybe/candles and hang frames to make it feel homely. (And the floor unit where we could put his PlayStation and the sky box tucked away)

DP just wants the same set up we have now, two shelves to display his PlayStation and router ect - fair enough, he doesn’t want them in a floor unit as the kids will be able for tech them/mess with them.. so I suggest getting one of those TV units with the shelving that goes around the tv and under it, like the IKEA one. So TV looks like it’s on the wall( off the floor) we’ve go the storage underneath for kids toys/reachable things, shelves higher up to display his PlayStation and all.. and also enough shelves for me to put some nice homely decorative pieces.. he said no. Doesn’t like the idea of a unit.. just wants telly on the wall with shelving either side.

How do we compromise? It’s led to a pretty petty argument of “I just have to let you do whatever you want because otherwise you won’t be happy” - despite me trying to find an alternative that has what we both want.

At this point I’m ready to launch his PlayStation out of the window so please can someone point me in the direction of how to make our living room nice for our family and still include his ideas too? - because at the moment our living room just feels like a bachelor pad for him to game in, not a nice family lounge.

I’m very emotional at the moment, 31 weeks pregnant with horrible insomnia and so achy now baby is getting heavier - so I’ve had a good cry about it today and still can’t get my head around how to be a team in this situation.

It’s such a trivial and petty thing to have fallen out about, I know. But we have and I don’t know how to rectify it so everyone’s happy?

Why are you living with such a man child? Is it not a massive turn off?

Screw tv to wall & have a unit built round it, boxes on floor is a stupid idea.

Honestly, I know this is property and not relationships, but it sounds more like your DP is just point blank refusing to compromise, and any alternative suggestion would be met the same way.

Oh my goodness. I’d have thrown the PlayStation out of the window by now and I’m not pregnant!! Why is he being so obstructive / unreasonable? I like all your ideas and his are just awful! Sorry I don’t have solutions other than go ahead and do it your way 😂

And it’s not trivial or petty imo. He’s bulldozering you. Makes me really mad for you.

Why is he sitting round playing games like a bloody teenager , just do what you want to do and he can like it or lump it .

I would tell him he's welcome to screw the TV to the wall and have PlayStation on side shelves a d boxes on the floor...in the spare bloody room!

Seriously, you've compromised by his having it in the lounge, he compromises with one of your suggestions.

My ex was an absolute dick about decorating but even he wasn't this stubborn (although tbf I generally just did what I wanted and lived with the 3 week sulk that followed).

I agree it's not trivial! If it was trivial he wouldn't care would he, and he'd go along with your suggestion.
He is being obstinate and unreasonable. He needs to consider your preferences as well and also where on earth all the toys etc will go.

Thanks all, I agree he is a bit of a man child and still trying to love his teenage years of gaming all day every day. But I feel like after having children there has to be some compromises and sacrifices. I used to love going out for a drink with my friends most weekends, but we both work full time so I would never see the kids if I still had that life. When we planned children and living together with children I think he just didn’t realise his life would change so much.

Anyway, I get that’s it’s a hobby and I wouldn’t want to ‘stop’ him doing it (to some extent at least) but the whole having it out for everyone to see, making that his priority when thinking about decorating out home is really bothering me.

He has said to just do it my way.. but the way he says it makes me feel guilty, like I’m the one who’s not compromising because it’s then ‘my way’ - and I know that he’ll make comments about it forever more so as much as I’d love to just do what I please, I can’t be arsed to deal with the after effects.

Or maybe I just do it, stop caring about man-child hobby and remind him that he told me..
Do it my way.. so he has no place to moan.

This sounds very much a relationship problem. You aren’t behaving as a team.

But for a tac you could take on board: When DP and I disagree on some reasonably benign decor or aspect of the home like which type of fixing or shelf or storage or ornament or how the TV will be situated (i.e. not what sofa we have or painting the entire house in black emulsion) then we set a deadline: by next Monday, whoever has gone to the time and effort of sourcing, buying and putting together said item is deemed to have been the one who cared the most and therefore gets their preference.

That works for us because neither of us are dicks and we broadly agree that if you couldn’t be arsed to sort something out then it’s probably right that you weren’t terribly fussed and the person who was takes precedent.

Set a date, and if he hasn’t got his act together, you get things how you want.

I’m not pregnant and he sounds like an arsehole.

Yes, the upshot is “I just have to let you do whatever you want because otherwise you won’t be happy” - where HE is the one letting YOU do what you want.

It’s a family room. It’s principle purpose is for family use, not PlayStation.

His choices are 1) your solution of wraparound storage 2) sodding off up the spare room.

I’d die on this hill.

My living room has always had to work around DH’s ridiculous specific audio-visual stuff but the trade off is that I get to do whatever else I want if his key ‘needs’ are met. In your case your DP’s key ‘needs’ are TV on wall and storage high enough the kids don’t mess with stuff.

Everything else is your decision. Put your foot down.

@ComtesseDeSpair I actually really like that idea.. mostly because I almost 99% sure it would end up as I want it to. We’ve discussed changing the sofas as our current set don’t fit in the new house - so I suggested selling them and buying a sofa and just a chair..
DP agreed but couldn’t be arsed to actually do the selling and also left it up to me to look for something else that would fit as he ‘doesn’t know what he’s looking for’ - this is the case with everything, I’m the one who does the sorting, Googling, arranging, budgeting ect.

But then I wonder if I put this suggestion forward he would challenges himself.
Definitely an interesting thing to suggest and I wonder if he would play fair and agree that it’s a good idea! Or if he would sulk about that too..

Do it your way and refuse to feel guilty. Please.

Ignore any childish whinging

Honestly i would just change it how i want while he is at work 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok so I’m starting to feel like, from this post, I have no reason to feel guilty, I’ve tried to compromise, he won’t, he’s literally told me to do what I want.. so I should.

Basically, I need to grow a backbone and put my foot down. Ok. I think that’s do-able so long as I get a decent nights sleep 😂

If you’re doing all the legwork just have it how you ant it. Seriously. Why spend all this effort searching for compromise when he absolutely won’t return the favour.

He’ll get over it. If he doesn’t, he needs to grow up.

Exactly as NoSquirrels said. Just go ahead and do it. Especially as your goal appears to be “doing something that suits everyone, for family life” vs his goal which is “be a fucking teenage arsehole”. How do you stand it?!

How does he have time for gaming when the children are awake? With two that just won't happen. What a man child. I'd do what you want OP, his petulance is extremely off putting.

I’m a bit worried that you have had two children with my 17 year old son. Is he 6’1” skinny with short blond hair ?

I'd be proper pissed off. Sure, have a gaming room but it doesn't have to be the same room the rest of the family want to chill in.
Heed the warning - he Will Not Turn It Off When You're Bored. It'll be, 'just 5 minutes,' then it'll be 'I can't stop part way through a game,' and before you know it, it'll be 'fuck your and your kids.'
Sorry, I'd be all over it and shove him in the attic, knowing what I know now

It definitely sounds like he needs to learn to compromise! Maybe try and show him some images of some living room gaming set ups you like and see if he can imagine that working?

Here's a couple of examples, complete with men gaming

img.global.news.samsung.com/ca/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Neo-QLED-Game-Bar-1-e1610726476346-1.jpg

cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/PUiYqFSTKeUmdKAe6mcWm8-1024-80.jpg.webp

www.well-played.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/xbox-one-living-room-tv.jpg

Maybe if he sees some photos that include guys gaming but include the storage unit, he'll see it could still work for gaming and won't be too much of a change!! and it shows you're happy to compromise as his gaming stuff is still there too so he'll feel included :)

@BlissfullyIgnorant - I know, but it was a huge argument where I was cruel and just trying to take away his every bit of everylasting joy by offering him to have an entire spare room dedicated to gaming so me and Dd could use the family room as just that. It’s just been easy to accept the unlikely promise of his getting off as soon as DD asks him to, or me for that matter. I know it won’t happen.. just the other day I overheard him from the kitchen saying “we’ll k can’t find tellytubbies on your iPad so you can watch it, you’ll have to choose something else” while she sobbed and said “tellytubbies on telly” 🙃 but until it happens in the new house where the promise is to get off it the second she says.. I won’t complain. It’s not worth the sulking. - the second he doesn’t get off it in the new house I’ve made it very clear that his PlayStation won’t be on the shelf when he gets home.

Just get on and do it your way. If he doesn't like it, there's another room he can use.

He sounds like a really selfish teenager.

I promise you he won't keep to his promises.

@Spreadingtheword so you're already experiencing his selfishness anyway. Is he actually aware that he is allowed to join you for telly-watching and family time in the actual family room? I just wonder if it's even worth him being a member of your family.
I'm sorry you and DC are being put through this. It's awful for you, I know