can hubby and I happily stay in south London if he is starting a career as a plumber?

[starbursts1234]

Hi everyone, a new Mumsnetter here!

I’m hoping to get advice from people who live in South/West London and know the roads well. Long post alert!

My husband and I are thinking about our next home move. I (f34) grew up in Peckham, while my husband (m32) is from the rural commuter belt in Buckinghamshire. We live in a lovely little flat in Peckham, and now we’re thinking about our next move as we look to start a family.

The challenge is… deciding where to settle.

I have an office job in central London 2 days a week, and wfh for the rest. My husband is currently retraining to be a plumber. He has tradies in the family and for the next year will be travelling back and forth between Peckham and Buckinghamshire where he is apprenticing with his plumber brother in law. Once he is qualified he says he is happy to work elsewhere.

My husband used to have an office job in central London so living in Peckham suited him well. He dealt with the chaos of the city, but complained a LOT about traffic. He grew up in a sleepy rural town, driving everywhere and sleeping in silence, whereas I’m used to the late night sirens and buzz of the city.

Anyway – since he changed jobs, it has become apparent that our needs have changed. He is really enjoying apprenticing out in Buckinghamshire, where they can park easily; the homes he works on are detached and most have their own driveway; he’s not stuck in constant traffic; it's quite peaceful; his clients are all relatively wealthy. All of these factors make being a plumber out there significantly more enjoyable than being a plumber based in Peckham!

Our original plan had always been to stay in south London which is what I had always wanted; to stay close to my family (including my single aging mother, who would help with our childcare once we have kids), and enjoy the benefits of this amazing location, which allow us to easily enjoy the perks of the city, meet up with friends etc on a quick and cheap bus/train ride. We figured we could move somewhere a bit leafier - but still in south London - like Forest Hill/Sydenham, to get a bit more greenery for my husband. It seemed like the perfect compromise for us, but his new job has complicated things somewhat.

As things stand, it looks like Buckinghamshire works well for my husband long term with his job, plus his family are there. I'm now nervously wondering if we should move there. I hadn't considered this before and am now overwhelmed by it all.

When I think about living in a sleepy town relatively far away, I feel anxious about the slow pace of life, my loss of independence, no family around, no ‘buzz’, no mum nearby. I fear becoming resentful of my husband who does have lots of friends and family in Buckinghamshire, even if they are the loveliest people; I am very independent and fear being stripped of that if we leave London. My husband has been very supportive and said he would never push for us to leave London if it would make me unhappy, and that he would be happy to stay south, but I do want to try and assess this rationally as it may be better for him if we moved.

With all of this in mind, I would be very keen to get your input, Mumsnetters, given that many of you have had to make The Big Decision before – stay in London or leave?

For context, we have these requirements for our next house purchase: 700-900k budget, 3 bed min, garden, must have a garage for my husband’s van

My questions are:

• In classic city girl style, while I have a driving license I do not drive!! If we were to stay in London we were thinking of Forest Hill/Sydenham, would those areas mean regular heavy grid lock for my husband?
• Are any of you plumbers/have plumber partners? Are there any considerations we are missing here? Based on your clientele, what other areas might we want to look at?

• are there any areas out West that might suit both mine and my husband’s needs?

Thanks in advance!
x

I'm surprised people who aren't plumbers can afford to live in London. My plumber keeps telling me how much he misses not being able to go and play golf whenever he's fixing something.

You'll be fine.

@ChardonnaysPetDragon ha! Maybe that's the real reason my husband is excited - the prospect of clocking off at 3pm to play golf every other day ;)

I'll ask Gary where he's playing, maybe they can meet up!

I think for your budget you will struggle to find something that wouldn't feel pretty constricting for your husband, especially if all his work ends up in Bucks. What about moving to somewhere Berks/Bucks borders near crossrail so you would have a super easy journey into London and could (just about) afford some space? If you had more space would your mother come and stay for periods? If you are planning on starting a family I would be searching with primaries in mind.

But... it's really hard to leave London. We did (for very specific school reasons) and DH likes it but I miss London a lot and still think I might go back (we are pretty near). My DH isn't a plumber but has a job that involved a lot of driving around London and he really grew to hate it.

Thanks for the thoughtful response @BigotSpigot. I hadn’t thought about crossrail, that’s a great point. Our house budget would certainly go further on the Bucks/Berks border. If there were any particular areas you had in mind I’d love to hear them.

Good luck with moving back to London! If it goes through, I’m happy for you!

I think you should look at places between Taplow and Twyford. There are some lovely villages like Cookham and Cookham Dean for instance that aren't far from Maidenhead. These would be further from the train stations, but not too far, especially if you are only going in twice a week. Those places are only half an hour from London in a car so you wouldn't feel isolated (but you will need to drive!). Lots of places to work from Reading all the way into London if you change jobs too.

I wouldn't leave London. However I did (my husband had passed away, kids in Y2 and 4, needed a fresh start and already had a house there). It was fine, suited my purposes and made friends at the school gate (actually the local cafe where we had weekly meets). But. It was not rural but a town, and I did not have to make a huge commitment as I had a house there, so could hold on (and rent out) my London home.
Ten years later and I'm back in London and I love it. I so missed the buzz and hustle and bustle. I'm not in the West End every day - hardly at all in fact. But I have two good local parks for dog walks, walking distance to tube, and all the choice of restaurants and shops I could wish for.
I think at the very least you rent for a year see how you like it before making a permanent decision.

Well it depends where he markets himself for work really. Say you live in forest hill if he markets himself as a plumber in Surrey/Sussex he won’t have to deal with the central London traffic/ low emission zone etc. also most trades are up and out early to avoid traffic and that’s also why they clock off early too