Anxiety and neighbour noise

[AlwaysAnxious1]

Hi all, I came on here to try and help how I feel. I have always had anxiety which I mainly cope with. A few years ago we lived in a flat and normal neighbour noise did not bother me until a time whereby an awful neighbour moved in. She wrecked our lives and was up all night blasting music, having people around and was an alcoholic. The only rest we got was when she was arrested. We had to move out in the end and my anxiety was so much better, we rented a new build with thick walls. However the landlord had to sell up and we moved again last week. I have 2 12 year old boys and the area seems nice enough. The property is a 2 bed and attached to the one next door. When I knock the walls they seem quite thick however I hear the odd door close and sometimes someone talking. In the kitchen I can hear things at times too. The issue is, because of the neighbour issue before, I'm looking for noise and I am avoiding going back. I even booked a hotel the other night for the family citing a treat. I wake up sick and can only think about it. The family next door consist of a family of 4 and although I have spoken to the man, the mum is very reserved. It is ruining my life but they haven't even done anything. I need to rationalise and just try to be logical. My partner does not even notice it and neither do the kids. I have to sleep with the window open, just incase there is a noise and I can listen to outside noise instead. My doctor thinks I may have a bit of PTSD but I just wanted to know if it is normal to hear a noise every now and then from neighbours? I may have always had it but it never registered until that issue with the neighbour. The people next door don;t play loud music or anything!

Op what help are you getting for your anxiety? For me this reads like a mental health issue, and it would be prudent i think to speak to your gp again about your anxiety and how it’s currently manifesting.

Hi,

I completely understand.

I lived in a flat about ten years ago that had super thin walls. My downstairs neighbour was a single guy, at home all the time, and had endless parties, a dog that wouldn't stop barking, played music that shook my floor and ceiling, and smoked weed that seeped into everything in my flat.

I became a nervous wreck. The council were fab but there were limits to what they could do. They gave him endless warnings but said it was very complicated to start court proceedings etc. It got to the stage where I would dread coming home from work each day due to the noise I anticipated. I had to wear ear plugs constantly at home just to block out the usual noise as I had become so intolerant of any noise as it came with the anticipation that it was going to escalate into excessively loud/disruptive/relentless noise.

I eventually saved enough to move location and went for a detached house rental. I stayed there for a few years before moving to my current set up. Honestly, it was magical. It totally reset my anxiety. I'm now in a terraced house with extremely thick walls and lovely neighbours. In one room, I can occasionally hear their alarm clock in the mornings (but only if I'm already awake, it doesn't wake me up) but it is so faint you would need to concentrate to hear it.

I think the reason you are still feeling the way you are is because you still have the anxiety that there might be excess noise. You can't tolerate the normal noises because your brain is making you nervous that it might escalate into something similar to your previous neighbour noise.

As said, the only thing that worked for me was moving somewhere with no immediate neighbours and allowing my brain to totally reset.

@Bluntness100

Op what help are you getting for your anxiety? For me this reads like a mental health issue, and it would be prudent i think to speak to your gp again about your anxiety and how it’s currently manifesting.

I am starting counselling on Monday through my work scheme and my GP has asked 'Time to talk' to contact me. I hope it helps or time will heal things. I already take sertraline and would love diazapam to take when I feel really bad but she gave me propranolol instead which I am worried to take.

@TeacherMa Thank you for your message. I am not in the position financially and am renting. Sorry to hear you went through a horrible time of it, glad to hear all has been resolved

We have the nicest neighbours you can possibly imagine, we adore them and are good friends, but they still make some noise and yes, it sometimes annoys me. Dog barking, mowing the lawn in summer, leaf blower in winter, DIY etc. unless you live in the middle of nowhere it will happen, you just need to learn to remember it is normal and not personal.

Why are you worried to take propanalol op? It’s perfectly fine, I have it to take before big presentations, it’s a great drug. Give it a shot, there’s nothing to be scared of. You don’t need to live like this.

@Bluntness100

Why are you worried to take propanalol op? It’s perfectly fine, I have it to take before big presentations, it’s a great drug. Give it a shot, there’s nothing to be scared of. You don’t need to live like this.

I think I just worry to much and googled things. I am going to collect them tomorrow. The bodily symptoms are not as bad as the worry in my brain etc so I don't know how much they will help.

Last night was awful, have not slept and was physically sick. Trying to act fine in from of the family is so hard. Only noises I heard was small and around 10 when I assume they were going to bed. Heard doors close or draws etc. I should be happy but my life feels ruined.

Op have you taken the propanalol?

You need to understand when your anxiety is controlling you and your actions. This isn’t about the noise, it’s simoly where your focus lies. You need to act to recover.

Good luck. If you can’t bring yourself to take your medication then please call your doctor again and explain.

I had this too. Awful noisy and aggressive neighbour (post-pub party house on any night of the week), council involved to resolve it and now any time I get a little noise I panic it's happening again. Our neighbors are moving and I'm already on edge. I'd love to know how to de-sensitise and really envy people who can just switch off.

Oh Always sorry you’ve had such a bad night. I think it would be really helpful to talk through your anxiety about this with a professional. Living with a nightmare neighbour previously puts you on high alert, and it will take a while for your body to realise it doesn’t need to be in fight or flight mode.

Doors/ drawers are normal household sounds and I promise your neighbours aren’t doing it to upset you.

I get it OP. I liken it to living with trauma and then recovering from it.

My ex neighbors were horrendous and it broke my health. Even now over a year later I get bad anxiety attacks that are triggered by music and shouting. I dont know if you ever fully get over it.

I live surrounded by people and it is much quieter than when I just had two neighbors. This means that the ex neighbors were not normal just like yours.

I think it's a time thing. Staying at a hotel occasionally is a good idea.

I have been exactly where you are @AlwaysAnxious1

I used to live next a family who would play football indoors against the party wall. They had a dog who howled constantly and then when they went in the garden the football was against the fence. On top of this was cupboard banging, an extremely loud washing machine on at 6am and revving cars, fights and threats.

It was hell and I developed PTSD. I think my problem is that I’m autistic and noise sensitive. I never used to be noise sensitive- it only came on after I gave birth.

I moved house in the end. And I still have PTSD from it. If my new neighbour lets her dog bark I can feel panic rise in my chest. She also watched TV quite loud. But she’s amazing and she makes me feel safe.

I would encourage you to sort your living arrangements out, get some propranolol or similar, get a white noise machine, make friends with your neighbour, and get some CBT. I always recommend a weighted blanket for anxiety! Play music and do noisy jobs when you know they’re home (do the laundry when their home from school etc)

I know exactly what it’s like. I even had a panic attack today over it.

The goal is to move into detached but that’s a while off!

Your anxiety is real. And valid and you need help with it. Also is there a possibility that you have autism too? noise sensitivity sucks.

Making friends with the neighbour helps lots btw. I did this and after each cuppa and chat with the mum it eased my anxiety for about 3 days at a time!

Hi OP, what are the thoughts that come up when you hear a noise from the neighbours? Are you worried the noise will increase?
Or are the thoughts more that it's "not fair" to impinge on your space?
Or is it that you feel you don't have control?

I think overcoming this issue hinges on identifying the thoughts that occur when you hear these sounds. Understanding why is the first step and then you can unpick those beliefs.

I'm sensitive to noise too so you have my sympathy!

Coincidentally as soon as I posted my reply, my neighbour turned her tv up louder than ever. And can be heard over our own loud tv (I switched ours on and turned ours up to drown hers out!)

Deeeep breaths. It’s just a noise!