Relocation regret…anyone gone back?!

[The2Omicronnies]

We relocated about 20 miles away from where we previously lived for our DC schooling. We have the house of our dreams (if anything, it’s too big, but I appreciate this is a first world problem), but we just cannot settle in the area we are in. Every time we go back to our old area, we instantly feel at home. We’ve made the decision to sell up and move back (schooling is covered should we definitely go ahead). I was just wondering if anyone else has done this and how it turned out?

How long have you been in the new house? In my experience it takes a good 2-3 years to feel "home".

So we have gone back from several different locations on several different occasions it’s never the same that’s all I can say it might be better it might be worse but it definitely will not be the same

Each time we moved we felt this at first, but you have to give it time to settle. You moved for a reason, so I’d stick with it. It costs such a lot of money to move house.

Our neighbour once moved in for a week, couldn't bear it and moved back (a couple of counties' drive) almost straight away. It was bizarre. They hadn't sold the old house so had somewhere to go.

A monumental waste of money and time.

I do think it takes 2-3 years to settle into an area and you do need to make a real effort.

I assumed from the title you’d moved countries! You’re only 20 miles away... how can it make that much difference?

I spent 8 years living in a place where I never felt settled, which I do regret but had little choice in the matter. I have since relocated somewhere else and felt at home pretty much straight away, you just cannot beat the feeling of being where you are supposed to be. If you are unhappy, it's best to move sooner rather than later. What were your reasons for moving in the first place?

Sorry I have just seen it's because of schooling. If you know your DC can definately stay at thier school then go for it.

Quite the opposite for us. Moved from SE to NW and love every moment of it. Going back to the South East everywhere feels overcrowded and noisy.

If you're unhappy, go back. There is nothing wrong with admitting you've made a mistake.

What is it about the new area/ housw you dislike though? And what do you mean by schooling would be covered? Do you mean you be putting DC in private school so you know you will have a place?

How long have you been there? I really regretted moving to our new area (only 5 miles from our old one, but in London that’s a long way!) and wanted to move back. 2 years on we are settled and love the area, but at some point the house will be too small. Making local friends made such a difference to my happiness here, would that help you?

I would say if you REALLY don’t like it trust your gut and move. It’s an expensive mistake but life is too short.

We've been in our current house for 6 years, after a 300 mile move.
The house is nice, as is the area, but we don't really like the village. We will stick it out for a couple more years at least, seeing it just as a base to do other things before we think about moving again.

And yes, I have done everything I can to integrate and have never felt so judged anywhere else I have lived.

We have lived here for 2 years and completely renovated it, so it is exactly to our taste, and it still just does not feel right. And yes, the DC are at private school, so either we’ll do the drive, or they have places sorted at a new school in our old area.

I completely agree that 20 miles probably sounds ridiculous, but it’s a very different place to where we’ve come from. It was purely for the DC’s school that we relocated. Up until that point I had zero intention of ever moving and was absolutely heartbroken when we decided it was best.

We have tried hard to integrate, but multiple neighbours to whom we’ve introduced ourselves to looked at us like we were crazy and whilst some people are friendly, they’re not very sociable.

I definitely agree though that I have to accept that if we move back that it won’t be the same, as I certainly don’t want to set my expectations too high only to be disappointed. I can’t articulate what it is, but the feeling of “life’s too short” is certainly compelling me to go back and hopefully be happy once again.

We have made a similar move, for exactly the same reasons... and I really don't think the last two years have been in any way 'normal'. It has been really hard to make friends with all the restrictions and I miss my old life... but friends who live where we used to live have similar feelings and want to leave and I think we are all just rather shell shocked. I think you probably need to give it another couple of years to really settle. In our case, I can't move the children again so I am thinking of this as a 10 year adventure in a strange land (but with an escape plan after that!).

Yes. I moved out of London after 15 years and regretted it already on the drive to the new place. I was then depressed for a year and a half, did not see the point of living, it was that bad. I burst into tears one day when i was at Manchester train station and they made an announcement about train departing to London Euston. Every time i went back i was happy and felt like home, though at the same time i hated visiting just for a day or two because i felt like a tourist in my own city. I had a real case of "hiraeth". I am back now and could NOT be happier. I did not even try to accept the new place, i just knew i would never be happy there.

I’d sit it out a while longer. The last 2 years have been anything but normal so I don’t think you can fully base the decision on that alone. I think it’s worth remembering you wouldn’t be slotting right back into your old life, you’d presumably still be buying a new house in a different street with neighbours you won’t know so there’s no guarantees you’d be happier even once you’ve moved back. Maybe have a think about what it is that’s driving the move back and how much of that is a definite vs. viewing your old home/life with rose tinted glasses.

I moved back to London 5 years after leaving it. We moved in order to get a bigger house and more space. I realised pretty soon that I had made a mistake but had a baby and stayed for a while to see whether I would change my opinion. I did make lots of friends where I went to, but still it wasn't enough. Moved back and have no regrets whatsoever.

Just practically- are the kids in school in the new area, so 20 miles away from where you previously lived?

20 miles to school is a big of a slog on public transport, unless they can use the train. And if you drive them, a 40 mile round trip, twice a day? You’d spend half your life in the car!

We done it, moved 15 miles from ex local authority 3 bed semi to a different town, gorgeous huge 4 bed detached, great school, but I missed our old town. After 4 years we sold up and moved back. As we had made good money we bought a lovely 4 bed detached in the old area so it was a win win financially for us and it was a journey, we left, it didn't work out, we moved back and I feel we are home.

Life is too short, make the move.

So what has changed in 2 years re the schools? You moved for the school but said that you could get them places at schools in the old area.

20 miles both ways is 80 miles, that is a lot to commit to.

How old are the children?

Moved 5 years ago to 300 miles away. Haven't settled and hate our house. Work is okay but not really made pals. I have to stay as DS is in Yr 11 so crucial exam time and has pals etc. I feel desperately lonely at times . I am glad we moved tbh but don't like this area.

Did you ever move back OP? If so how was it?
We’re thinking of moving back after 6 years. Just not settled and still meet old friends regularly.