Would you move back to home town?

[lking679]

It’s likely flexible working will mean it’s feasible for first time for me to move back to north west from south east with my family. I’ve been down here 14 years! Dc1 due to start school September ‘22.

I would love to be close to family even if I have to do a long commute once a week. My parents, sister and brother are in NW.

But….. would I be causing problems for my kids?
I hesitate because of 5 of us my brother, myself and my two sisters all left North West on graduate schemes all based down South. It can be really hard to find corporate jobs up north and I speak from experience!!! My sister was only able to move back when her office closed.
When I had been in London about 6 months at 22 I had a counseling session for depression and stress and she said of course you are, you have no family or friends here it’s going to be a struggle for a while, and it was…. And 14 years later still thinking if I would be happier nearer to home.

Wwyd?
Btw I know there are jobs there but don’t tell me there’s no north/south divide… I’ve lived it!

So your kids will do what you did for a while. What's wrong with that?

School applications close in the middle of January so getting a decent school might be tricky?

To paraphrase Steely Dan, only if London fell into the sea. I hated living in the West Country.

I know tired of London tired of life. I love the place but really feel the distance with family and I don’t really get on with my husbands family (they’re great with the kids, snarky to me). We went up before Christmas and was a lot of fun, though holidays not quite the same thing!
We’d keep our London house at least for a while in case we wanted to move back. The schools in north west are pretty good and not oversubscribed so think we’d be ok there, but we currently live opposite an outstanding primary and if we did move back chances of getting into it on an in year transfer are pretty slim! And a lot of upheaval for my kids.
I want to stay but have the closeness of family, I have mum friends but it’s not quite the same is it.
I don’t want my kids to have to move away from home to get stressed and depressed like I did just to have a decent job. Only a few companies based around north west.

But so many people do move away from their childhood home for work and are fine. I did, as did my brothers and most of my friends. I'm sorry you had a difficult experience but it isn't like that for everyone. Also, they might not want corporate jobs.

Your first child doesn’t start school for another 9 months, I think you’re a long way off needing to worry about the impact on their career!! It’s pretty common for people to move away from home for uni and then graduate jobs but really you’re over a decade away from that happening and your kids might not even want that sort of career.

I know it’s all a bit irrational! I’m going to see how the next few weeks go. It’s funny everyone has said when the kids start school weekends are pretty busy and social anyway but they can drag out with no family around at the moment!

I think you’re asking all the right questions. I know people that have done it and never looked back. I know people that have regretted it (myself included).
How does your husband feel about it? Where I come from “southerners” are treated with a great deal of suspicion. I remember my DH bending down to pick up a coin that a lady had dropped in a shop - to give it back to her - but she rounded on him for trying to steal it.
I think you know that once you sell a house in London there’s no going back (at least that has been the case over the past 10 years). You will be priced out pretty quickly.
There may be decent primary schools where you are headed but what about secondary, sixth form? What are the aspirations of the kids there? That was the main driver for me coming back.
I don’t know if cultural diversity is an issue for you but my children are struck by the lack of it when we visit my home town.

Once your child starts school you may find things are very different. That is when I found my group of friends and my support group for school pick ups etc. if it really doesn’t work out then there are a number of key transition points where it might make sense to move - although by then the displacement for your child will be greater.

It's never the same when you go back , so as long as you are mindful of that and not expecting it to be just like before, if you are still keen, go for it.

I would 100% go back if you are already in a job you can keep. If flexible working at a distance is doable in 2022 then it will be more than feasible for your own children to do the same should they wish in another 15-20 years time.

For me moving to be closer to my family once I had kids was invaluable for my mental health, wellbeing and the kids life. I would say my friendship group has definitely changed and I didn't go back to my old group of friends, but that was OK with me as it wasn't a factor in my decision to move back.

I couldn’t go back to my old group of friends none of them live there anymore!
Secondaries are ok in both areas as both have the 11+ and excellent grammars.
It’s just crap to be far away when a bit of banter with mum or my sister really brightens my day!
We could hang on to our London home but the move would decimate our savings in second home stamp duty until rental income starts coming in from London house!
Might have to think on it! If in year transfers weren’t such a lottery if we decided to come back to south east I wouldn’t be so reticent!

I say go for it! I moved back to the area I grew up from London (although that was a London - Aus move 😊) and I wish I'd come home sooner.

My DC hang out with my cousin's DC, my DP take DC regularly for a few nights, my dsis gets to build a relationship with her nieces.

The only downside for us is DH family live in Europe so now they're far away. But having a proper support group has been mind-blowing.

I'm in the same position.

Since having my second child 8 months ago I crave that everyday banter with my mum and everyone up north. I crave all the dreary monotonous days to Atleast have some fun in.

But my friend who did do it and moved up regretted it once her second started reception. She said Monday-Friday is filled with homework, extra clubs etc and then the weekends became very sociable and even had to set boundaries at one point so she and her husband had Atleast one day together as family.
She said it was nice popping round to mums friends while kids were at school but she found herself doing her own thing, housework, cooking, so it wasn't how she imagined.

And this is what I fear, right now my dd is in nursery and starts reception next September so it really is a big risk to make the move and I would rather do it before reception so she starts with everyone.

We are renting in London so you are lucky that you can have a home to come back to! My dh reason for wanting to move closer to MY family lol is so we can buy a house.

The question is, when your children are at school 9-3 and have activities etc, would you rather be in London or your home town? If it came down to the fact you only saw family once a week would you be happy?