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Another mistake? Please talk some sense into me!

9 replies

AllesAusLiebe · 01/12/2021 00:14

Hi everyone,

A little context... we moved in July of this year and hate where we live. It's noisy, unpleasant neighbours and far too urban. DH fell in love with the house and, stupidly, I caved in.

We're moving again in February next year and have found somewhere we like. It's in the same town, but coastal and much more residential. DS is 3 and the location is perfect for him. The beach, park, family, and local church who run activities are all within a 5/10 minute walk. Property is also detached, so much more relaxing for me as a noise-averse bag of nerves. Blush

The house needs work, but we've saved and have a reasonable budget.

I don't see this new house as a 'forever home', but I don't know if that matters?

The local primaries are great but I've already said no way will DS be going to the secondary unless there are some radical changes. Does this even matter, given that DS is still so young?

I think I'm so broken from the experience we've had with this house that I'm not thinking straight.

Stupid question, but does it sound as though I've thought everything through? The house gives us everything we want and need in terms of space. We can't do anything about location until DS is older because we rely so heavily on family for childcare.

Anything obvious in my rationale that's missing? I'd also be interested to know if anyone else has moved with kids of a similar age knowing that they would likely go through it all again within the next few years?

OP posts:
Saz12 · 01/12/2021 10:37

In 9(?) years he’ll be going to secondary. That’s a decent length of time to be in a house.
But potentially hard to leave an and start over after 9 years.
And... how old are your parents? If they’re doing the bulk of childcare now, then won’t they expect some level of help/care for themselves in 10 years time if they become more frail or elderly?
How much would paid-for childcare cost as compared to moving costs?

lastqueenofscotland · 01/12/2021 10:40

Secondary could be a consideration if house prices continue to rise so quickly above wage inflation, could you move to the secondary area now?

arootintootingoodtime · 01/12/2021 10:47

I think the idea of a "forever home" puts unnecessary pressure on you. You can only make the best decision for you with the information you have right now.

It sounds like there's potential to add value, meaning you may be able to move for secondary? If so, it sounds like there's a back-up plan (and my own secondary school was in special measures and completely turned around to outstanding in five years, so that could change anyway).

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 01/12/2021 13:15

I think the idea of a "forever home" puts unnecessary pressure on you. You can only make the best decision for you with the information you have right now

Completely agree with this. Move to the house you want now, see where life takes you in 5 years time. Secondaries can change in a space of 3-4 years easily. It is the right decision for now, suits your needs now. Don't think too far ahead.

Chaotica · 01/12/2021 16:56

@OnTheBenchOfDoom

I think the idea of a "forever home" puts unnecessary pressure on you. You can only make the best decision for you with the information you have right now

Completely agree with this. Move to the house you want now, see where life takes you in 5 years time. Secondaries can change in a space of 3-4 years easily. It is the right decision for now, suits your needs now. Don't think too far ahead.

This. Secondaries can change massively (our local ones did, in a good way) and you can always move in a few years if not.
parietal · 01/12/2021 17:28

this sounds like a good option - go for it.

AllesAusLiebe · 01/12/2021 19:18

Brilliant - thanks so much everyone for your advice.

Very good point about the secondary - it's in a decent area, I believe the issue is with the management because it was under special arrangements. Maybe it just needs a good shake up.

It's always been my philosophy to do the best you can with the information and resources you have, I'm just doubting myself so much after making such a mistake with this current house. Sad

I really want this to work out for my DS who doesn't adapt to change very well and will have his world turned upside down when we move again!

Thanks again for the help. I'll be back with renovation plans in a few weeks, hopefully! Grin

OP posts:
AllesAusLiebe · 01/12/2021 19:24

@Saz12 my inlaws are both in their 60s, so it's definitely a consideration. I think it's the difficulty of not knowing what is going to happen. Our plans to move out of the area may be out of the question if they need us to be around.

It's not really about childcare costs, to be honest. We could manage now that ds is 3 and gets some free hours during the week. It was us not wanting to take him away from his grandparents, if we could avoid it. He's their only grandchild and they'd have never forgiven me! Blush

OP posts:
sleepyhoglet · 01/12/2021 20:18

If he is 3 you will be applying for a secondary school in about 6 years! That's an OK time to stay in a house but think of all the stamp duty you pay every time you move

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