Houseswap- negotiating a date drama.

[Peppapigforlife]

İn September a council houseswap came up for me on houseswapper and the people came to view mine. They wanted it straight away and told me it was because one of the couple struggled to get up the stairs at their house and mine is a ground floor flat with a garden.
The next day I went to view theirs and I did love it. They asked me when I wanted to swap and I said around the end of the year would suit me. The woman looked horrified and said oh we want to move in the next couple of weeks because İ want to get out of here as soon as possible. İ went quiet and awkward and she put on a sad voice and said please won't you move sooner. İ said okay I'll try and then we put the forms into the two different councils to swap and I knew the councils had up to sixty days to make a decision and so I just hoped it wouldn't be rushed through within a couple of weeks. The couple said they had been let down by previous people wanting to swap and I assured them I'm not like that and that I definitely was serious about swapping.
Because the house has a wet room upstairs there was some uncertainty about whether the swap would be approved so I didn't do any packing, because İ didn't want to be let down and then have all my stuff in boxes. The couple decided to pack weeks ago because they felt certain it would be approved. İ got the phone call two weeks ago to say it had been approved and that we just had to wait for gas and electrical inspections before the council could ask us what date we wanted to move.
İ started packing like crazy and packed half my stuff up and went through and cleared out and found a reliable removals company and now I'm exhausted.
I'm a single mum to a toddler and I don't get much help from anyone. İn the past few weeks we have both been ill three times with things going around, (including my daughter vomiting all over the kitchen floor whilst i was packing, slipping and landing in it), and I've had so many different appointments for various house checks and things being repaired.

Now I'm just drained and we still haven't heard back from the council about choosing a date.
The woman of the couple has been calling me a lot, trying to get me to rush admin things that I needed to do on my side, and keeps going through dates with me at every opportunity, and most of those dates are passed now.
The lady at my local council told me not to expect it to be rushed on their end and I said I'm not in a rush but the other couple are. She agreed with me that you can't rush moving house.
Now it's closer to Christmas and I feel like we are going to miss out on enjoying the Christmas season (the last one we were in lockdown and the one before we were in a freezing cold temporary accomodation with no proper heating).
I'm so drained and if the council call me this week asking me for a date, i do not feel İ can be ready to move by this weekend or the one after.
İ also have fibromyalgia which is known about by all parties involves and so I have to pace myself.
The lady from the couple messaged me again yesterday and asked me what date i wanted to do (baring in mind the council haven't had their safety check forms through yet to be able to offer us a date). İ was on bed with a cold whilst my DD was in nursery. İ didn't want to make a decision until İ knew the timeline of when the council would call us to ask us, but then today i messaged and said I couldn't do until the week before Christmas as my family would be away and not able to help me (which is true). She asked me if i was pulling out and then she offered their help to speed it up. She sounded frantic and said they were hoping to move next week. Somehow, under pressure on the phone, İ agreed.
İ just don't know what to do. I'm so drained and I need time to recharge before moving. There's no nursery spaces in the new area that I've been able to find yet so my DD would miss out on all the Christmas excitement and parties at nursery if we move now. İ really want to wait until the new year but how to get that through to the couple without them being so distraught and thinking I'm pulling out. İ just want a few weeks of a relaxing Christmas period with a clean and tidy house and all the boxes away and take my time with the rest of the pre moving jobs that need doing and have time to find my daughter a nursery.

I think if you love the house I’d try to get it done and dusted. It sounds as though you’re packed etc anyway. But surely this is academic as the council haven’t done their bit yet? So can’t you just keep saying “As soon as the council contact me I’ll be in touch?” Also have you really done your homework about the new place? Like visiting at various times of the day and speaking to locals? Her wanting to move out so quickly would make me smell a rat- does it have nightmare neighbours?

I'd cross my fingers and hope the council are slow. As you say it's immaterial what you've said to them at the moment

And ditto to pp about checking the neighbors

İt's because she struggles to get upstairs and the bathroom is upstairs so she's desperate to move on that account. Which I totally sympathise with.
I've still got quite a bit to do in terms of deep cleaning the place, taking stuff to charity, finding a tool to take down the trampoline, getting rid of an old armchair, contacting British gas to let them know, and the general packing like the pots and pans and bubble wrap TV etc and all those bits. All this is without a car and I'm far from shops.

To be honest you don’t sound that fussed about moving. Do you actually want to and why?

I've been through a mutual exchange and it was a nightmare with feet dragging,council delays and no end of grief. After the swap the other party came back and actually asked for the interior doors in their old house (my new house) as they were better than what I had left (!).

In your shoes , if you actually do want the house, I would be moved as soon as possible. It's very rare for a flat to want to be swapped with a house and they are in a C much stronger position than you. They could pull out themselves if they get a better offer that is ready to go ASAP and then you would be left for much longer.

Your daughter won't care about the nursery Christmas party. She is getting a whole new house and that is much more important.

They wouldn't get a better offer sooner because the council would still have to approve any different swap and it can take up to sixty days.

To be honest I'm not desperate to move, but it would solve a few problems. When I moved into this place it was completely un decorated and in a bad state asthetics wise and I haven't had the time or energy to decorate the whole place yet. I get a bit down looking at dirty stained skirting boards that need painting etc. So the house swap would solve that dilemma. My second bedroom is very cold and damp and my daughter needs her own room that's safe to sleep in. Some of my neighbours are a bit unsavoury and having a house would mean my life is a lot more private.
So all in all, it would be better it's just a big change and the local nurseries are full, so that's putting me off rushing now.

@SnekkinOnDown here the agreement states that you take the place as you find it so sounds like those people were rather cheeky!

@Peppapigforlife

The same here, we agreed 100% to take the property as was and theirs was horrific. But we're desperately needed a bigger house as we were in a 3 bed with 4 teens. They were in a 5 bed with 3 kids. My house was in good condition, recently decorated, new floors throughout. On exchange day they hadn't even packed, they took the old crappy Lino that was glued down, took the stairs carpet, left the house absolutely filthy etc and two rooms and a shed full of stuff. The house was shockingly bad but I went into it with my eyes open. I could see nicotine streaking down the walls, bare floor boards with questionable brown smears etc. I even gave in and gave them the interior doors as I measured them and knew they wouldn't fit my old house and they had been painted black and white and it was a terrible job. We spent £4K on credit cards getting the house cleared, replacing floor boards, doors, buying paint, paper, carpets, blinds, etc. we did all the work ourselves and it was HARD. But I love my house now after 5 years of work and redoing rooms for a better finish etc and they've been kicked out twice by the council since for anti social behaviour.

Oh wow you're so brave going through all their mess! I'm surprised they didn't get fined by the council for leaving stuff behind. The place I'm in now was shockingly bad too when I moved in and it still needs a lot of paint everywhere, but said they didn't mind decorating.
I'm determined to have my house clean and nice for the swapping couple, hence wanting to not rush the move (only got approved two weeks ago).

Update, I put my foot down and said I couldn't do until two Saturdays from now.
I've got two weeks now to get myself sorted :)