I'm not really sure how to start or end this post...but I think I need someone to tell me that I am doing the right thing as right now I'm...so sad and anxious.
I'm buying my first house, which is supposed to be our first home with my partner and we hope one day soon a little one. He owns his flat and I am buying this house because financially we can do that. I acknowledge upfront that this is a hugely privileged position to be in as I don't want that to be lost in my download of thoughts.
It is probably relevant that I earn over twice as much as him and we still have fairly separate finances. So we have a different perception of money, value and what we can spend.
We looked at houses together (of course!) And within a price range that we both agreed on (under £500k because of stamp duty saving). Initially it was great envisaging a new start in a new family home. After a period of not finding anything, I had an offer accepted on a house that he likes lots and I think is...ok. To be clear, I did like it at first but the more I stare at it on right move the more I can't make things work with the spaces. In my heart I know it's probably fine and I'm going to get an interior design person to help with planning how we use the space but at the moment...erf I just dont know.
I kept looking on right move (we haven't exchanged yet) and we viewed a house the other week that was as close to perfect as it comes, to me. He took a little more convincing (it's on a very busy main road without parking). But we eventually offered on it and lost out by £8k in a "best and final" sealed offer type scenario. I think we could have gone in higher given the chance to negotiate, but that chance doesn't come up in that scenario. And the offer I put in was £25k over asking, and the higher deposit, combined with stamp duty and the possibility of a lender undervalue...it starts to feel like not a good use of money (c. an extra £30k just to get in the door compared with what I'd be paying on the house we are accepted on).
Anyway the fact is that we lost out, and I'm absolutely gutted. I can't stop thinking about it. I've convinced myself that that was the dream house that would make us both happy for many years. I keep going back to it and I feel like we should have put in a higher offer, that even now we should be trying to gazump (don't judge me...!) and I've made a huge mistake. He thinks we've done the best we could and should have done but...as I say...different values/money ideas. And maybe different thoughts about what is needed in a house, I don't know.
The house buying process has put a huge strain on our relationship. I'm sad and anxious all the time and feel like I'm forever flipping out about whether this is the right decision. The latest loss of house has tipped me far worse. I know I'm not fun to be around. I'm a perfectionist by nature and I overthink and research everything so this has become a huge preoccupation by this point.
I would love for someone to tell me to have faith, that the right thing to do is to keep with the house we have (we have agreed it's not a forever home) rather than trying for perfection in this market and at a much higher cost. But more than anything I want my relationship back and to stop feeling so...lost and regretful in the process of alll of this.
Does anyone else feel like this? Am I being completely stupid getting this worked up??
Any positive thoughts or tips would be gratefully received. I'm sorry that this was so long. And maybe not really about property in the end.
Thanks if you actually read it!