Ticks many boxes but I haven't got "the feeling"

[mightyapple]

Heart versus head problem. Very little on the market, but one we've seen twice ticks many many boxes. Close to school, village with good amenities, enough space for the 5 of us, decent garden.
But it does feel overpriced. We offered 5% under and they flatly refused. Agent said they want the full asking. I'm not sure if it's even worth trying to negotiate. It'll be a 10 year house for us probably, not a forever home, so we need to think about resale value.
Neither of us got "the feeling" when we've been there. When we saw our current house, we got the feeling as soon as the owner opened the door. But back then we lived in a tiny cottage, so literally any other house seemed huge.
But maybe the lack of "the feeling" is because it's been so stressful trying to sell our house for the past year (long story) that I don't want to get excited that we might actually move!
Urrgghh! Any advice?

Biggest financial purchase of your life - probably best it be driven by facts over temporary feelings :D

Well I always hear about the feeling and of course don't buy it if you have a bad feeling but if it ticks most of your boxes and you can do something with it then I think don't dismiss it. My parents bought a box ticker that they didn't love on sight and it was a happy home for them for about 35 years as it really worked and they made it fab. Similarly we bought this house because we liked it and it offered so much even though we saw others with more charm. This has been a brilliant house for us for >20 years whereas the two I liked more from a heart over head perspective I literally shudder at every time I drive past - one fab house on busy road, one would never have worked with the family and pets that came over the years. In our current house the room I hated on both visits now is the loveliest room - it had hideous decor, old dusty heavy curtains and helmet etc and when I unscrewed the pelmet and curtains there were beautiful working shutters behind!

@FurierTransform

Biggest financial purchase of your life - probably best it be driven by facts over temporary feelings :D

Yes this too!

^^pelmet 😂

I'm not sure that it is a heart versus head problem.
Heart says 'meh'. Head says 'overpriced'. Where's the conflict?

Don't buy it then!

My advice is that you can read endless posts on here talking about perfect homes or forever homes, but the reality is that all homes come with some sort of compromise. You can only choose from what's on the market at the time and you can only buy what you can afford.

The house ticks most of your boxes and presumably even if you have to go to full asking you can afford it? If so, is it worth the money to you? Also factor in the potential cost to you if your current sale falls through, both the financial and the emotional or stress cost. I presume you've secured a sale now, will your buyers wait if you start looking all over again?

Give some thought to what you can do to this house to make it more appealing to you and if that's also worth the cost and take it from there.

Good points made, thank you. I probably wasn't overly clear in my post: with it being overpriced, we have our ceiling price that we'd be willing to pay. So the question is whether we should try again to negotiate a lower price, when my heart isn't in it. But whoever said not to base a huge financial transaction on a passing feeling is quite probably right!

Actually you've reminded me that the last time we were looking for a new home there was very little on the market. We found somewhere that almost met the criteria, but we knew in our heart of hearts that the things that were negative about it couldn't be changed. In that case we set our own ceiling price and put our offer in as a one and only. Obviously the agent used that to negotiate with other parties and they came back to ask what more we wanted to put forward. We repeated no, that was it, we'll leave it on the table. Didn't get the house and ended up very pleased that we didn't because we found the house we've been in ever since. As it happened we had to spend a lot more and several agents said afterwards that if they'd know we had a higher budget they could've shown us other properties, but the point was that we offered what we thought the first house was worth to us and we spent more in the end only because of the property we found and we just knew it was the one. I do appreciate though that at the time we had both the funds and the timescale to allow us to do that and we weren't selling either, we were in rented. Obviously that isn't always an option.

On the other hand one time we were relocating and had to get sorted out. We bought a house that was ok, didn't fill us with joy and yet in the end we were very happy there as the location and the neighbours were just what we needed.

Good Luck.

Can you pinpoint what it is that isn’t giving you the feeling and do think whatever it is possible with your budget?

Link?

Also if you're unsure snd nothing on the market then put off til spring when housing markets busy up

In a similar situation we went in at a price we’d be willing to accept the compromise the house represented for us, and didn’t negotiate up. It sold later on to someone else for crazy money. We were pleased it wasn’t us.

We didn't find anything that 'did it' for both of us this time round. The one we bought had the space and garden we needed, but was remarkably unlovely (as in people remarked how unlovely it was) and needed a lot of work, and we had a hard, long, and stressful time buying it, which didn't help.
It's looking better now, but slowly. I think it will be great in the end, though always somewhat singular in appearance, but I don't yet love it in the way I did our previous house on sight. It was not a happy place when we bought it, so much so I think that almost got into the woodwork. I think it's getting happier.
A house you don't love on sight can take some time to build a relationship with, so if you do go for one you don't love for other reasons, I think you need to give it time and not to panic if you don't fall in love with it in the first few months. It's like making a new friend. Some people you feel you have known all your life after a few weeks. Others you may even not like at first, but with time and effort at understanding become dearer and more loyal friends than people you instinctively liked at first sight.

I don’t think you choose houses. I think houses choose you.

I saw my current house on paper with a small blurry photo, in the estate agents particulars that DH brought home to show me, along with a few others, nearly 40 years ago. And I just knew - that’s our house. Without having seen pics of any of the rooms, or the garden, or ever having visited the village it was in.
We went for a viewing, but it just confirmed my gut feeling. And it’s been my lovely forever home ever since.

We moved recently and probably viewed about 20 houses. We were putting offers in based on our budget, how much work it needed, whether it would increase in value over the next 10 years, extension opportunities etc.
I would say 'whatever is meant to be, if we don't get it, it's not meant for us.'
The house we bought, we were waiting outside for other people to finish their viewing and I just got this feeling that this was going to be our house. Once we viewed it, I didn't care as much about the above, I just wanted it to be our house.
I insisted we put an offer in that day and because we were first, the seller chose us!
The feeling was very important for me but I didn't realise it until I actually got the feeling!

I didn't have the "feeling" when we bought our house but we've moved a lot so never get too emotionally involved with a property. However, it's turned out to be a really good house for us. The location has been good for the DCs and we're gradually improving it so that future resale shouldn't be a huge problem. If it ticks a lot of boxes and you need to move, let head rule. Heart may catch up in time!

It's a tricky one. I think it's easier to be driven by 'the feeling' when you don't have kids. Once you have school catchment issues (both current and future) to consider, commuting, having a house that will be big enough for teenagers (not just kids) you can't view everything in a ten mile radius until you swoon over the period features. You have to make a decision based on location, budget, and the best of all possible options. It's easier if you hate something or it's very obviously not going to work. 'Meh' that gives you the lifestyle you want is trickier to assess.

We probably had "the feeling" with our first house, second house was pragmatic (and I'm very grateful we were - the schools are crazily over subscribed locally and we're virtually on the doorstep of our chosen primary). The current house we're buying I desperately want - but being realistic that's based on the location and potential. The "feeling" hasn't really come into it yet - I think we'll make it once we get there and put on our own stamp.

Also the agony of trying to buy anything in the current market will take the shine off almost any house I think!

I didn't get the 'feeling' with my current house. But I was getting desperate after two other attempted purchases fell though (I was moving 79 miles for my daughters new school and living in holiday lets as I'd already sold my house as I thought I was buying one when seller pulled out last minute).
But I realised I was buying a terraced house in a neighbourhood of pretty much identical houses. Sure they had been decorated differently and a bit of variation on layout, but more or less the same house. So I bought one that was chain free and a price where I could do some work and have been turning it in to a house which will have the feeling once I'm done!

I think it's pretty normal not to get "the feeling" when you're buying a house as it's a big investment and, honestly, a bit scary. When I bought our current house, I hadn't had the feeling as well, but I didn't have any issues with it, so I went for it. Now, I'm very satisfied with my house. You can check it here: paradisedevelopments.com/. But if you find the house overpriced, then that is something else. From the way I see it, you should consider your feelings. I suggest continuing to look for other options.

If your conflicted dont do it. The right one will come up for you!

I made a checklist of 6 things I wanted, big garden, reasonable 3rd bedroom , location, price, quiet road,and emotional response. I scored each element out of 5, so maximum score was 30. And our cut off was 23. It really worked, we discounted a lot of houses quickly and then saw 2 strong houses in one day. I used my system and we bought the one which I had no feeling for, because it scored so highly on the other points. I drive past the other house quite often and it is very pretty, but it’s on a main road and the 3rd bedroom was tiny. Obviously your criteria will be different, but it really worked for us.

Our experience when buying our current house in 2018 was similar to @BlueMongoose - it wasn't a happy place (repossession and the previous owner had a severe heart attack causing him to give up his air ambulance job) and that seemed to seep out of the building.

It was a very grim place too, all grey stone (period house formerly a mill) in a leafy - but consequently dark - location and we viewed on a rainy January day.

Not helped by the fact we'd already completed on the sale of what I still consider my dream home (just the wrong location!), the repo was also smaller, less characterful and damp.

It wasn't that we were expecting a fully renovated property - we've always purchased very old project homes, yet somehow apart from one other, years ago, I've always had the feeling almost immediately on entering the front door. I didn't get that at all with this place. DH persuaded me to buy because it was in a great location (we were moving 200 miles from England to Wales) and it had potential, a bit of land and few neighbours.

But - although he was correct about the potential, because it's a difficult house to extend (lots of different ground levels surrounding it) this isn't as easy as it would have been if we'd bought a newer house.

Over the past three years we've been gradually putting our stamp on it - hopefully finally building that extension in 2022! - and it does feel like our home at last, although I'd have to admit I still don't love it and wouldn't purchase another property I didn't get the feeling about! It's heart over head every time for me now.

It's a hard one.

Last house i had the feeling of it was perfect. And it did also tick our needs list massively!!

This time, because of the overheated market when we bought, all my 'dream' houses disappeared or went completely out of budget.

This house is in a quiet location, has plenty of space, ticks boxes etc. But it never gave me massive feelings as it's too modern for me.

I still think back to a semi we viewed 3 years ago, so much potential and character!! I would still choose that house over this detached any day 😶