NOT moving area for the sake of the kids?

[Frazzled2207]

Would be really keen to hear experiences

We live in an OK area on the outer suburbs of a big northern city. Same house for 11 years and as kids get older we definitely need more space. Have already extended once and doing so again not possible and there are other reasons we want to leave this particular house.

DH and I have talked for years about moving somewhere a bit further out, more countrified etc. Started looking seriously recently and had estate agents round etc. Seem some houses we like the look of that we can afford and they're around 3 miles away from where we are now - bear in mind in local traffic 3 miles can take quite a while is def not a 5 minute drive, more like half an hour when busy.

So far so good BUT we are now thinking, having been here 11 years and made friends (albeit not amazingly close ones) with people within the lovely primary school community, is it really the right thing to uproot our kids (y4 and y2) and for us to start all afresh in an area where, although not very far, we don't really know anyone? They could stay in their school - at least until a place became available more close by - but the commute could be hideous in traffic. Carrying on in their current extra curricular activities would be a bind too and I fear we'd become a slave to the car which we are trying to decrease our reliance on. Where we are now a lot of things we need (friends, school, big park, some restaurants) are within 10m walk.

Meanwhile, we have a keen eye on the secondary school situation but it's too early to know which school is going to be best for either and in the area we are in it keeps our options open fairly nicely as there are 4 schools within reasonable reach and the catchment school is apparently rapidly improving. Moving out will probably only put one secondary (albeit a reasonably good one) within easy reach.

So we're now thinking that it might be best just to find a bigger house in the immediate area - this means that kids are not unduly unsettled, we still have people we know locally and the schools options are still fairly open. We don't love the area but it is well connected to various places we need to get to, including the city centre, the countryside and both our families.

If we move we do think that kids will probably make new friends etc and prob be fine in the longer run. But we won't know anyone! Friends with older children tell us that it's really hard to make connections with parents when they got older. Neither of us are from this area so we only really know people connected to our kids primary school (this area is nothing like London where many people are not from the area. People round here grow up and stick around mostly, hence tricky we have found for adults to make new friends). Anyone else had this conundrum and what did you decide? Or are we just being a bit too risk averse not wanting to move 3 miles? It's really not like starting totally afresh is it?

I'd stay put. I think changing schools / after school activities and more importantly narrowing your options for secondary would be a mistake. I'd buy a new house in your area.

3 miles leaves you within touching distance of existing friends, but if those friends are only really in your life because you cross paths regularly, you might well find they don't want to make the effort to keep things going once it needs a diary check to happen.

Moving to outwards to more countryfied area is fundamentally incompatible with an attempt to reduce car reliance, you can't have both unless you are going to be really good about using bike transport, 3 miles is bikeable if route is safe etc.

I moved my kids when they were reception and yr3, it was completely fine, missed old school mates a bit but new school was welcoming.

Based on what you've said about secondary schools I'd be tempted to look in your existing area.

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose
that's a very good point. One of the 'school mums' has already moved a few miles out and yeah we still see her for occasional nights out but it's not the same as someone you see round and about quite regularly is it.

And yes we're very conflicted bout the reducing car reliance bit. We are all keen cyclists but I don't think that any of us will be very enthusiastic about going to work/school on the bike in the rain in January and I def have concerns about the safety of cycling where we're looking at moving to.

Yes, I'm pretty rural and entirely car dependent. The rural road has no verge or pavement and cars behave like its brands hatch on it. I accept there isn't any choice, buses are non existent virtually. I will switch to an electric car next time I need to buy.

But those friendships that would drift with a bit of distance are friendships of convenience really aren't they so I wouldn't weigh them into the decision too heavilyas they'll probably disperse when secondary comes around anyway.

Look at your lives 5-10 years from now and base your decision on where you want to live on where you see you want to be then.

You really don't sound like you want to move area, so I wouldn't. I do know a few people who have moved out when their hearts weren't in it, and they have pretty much all regretted it.

We have been through the thought process recently, living in the outer fringes of a central London borough with fantastic local friends and transport links. DC1 is at a school on the far edge of a neighbouring borough and we have considered moving, but opted instead to extend our poky Victorian house. The kids are now 10 and 13 and neither they nor DH and I want to leave our area.

I would dearly love a bigger house, but am not yet ready to sacrifice life in an area which has been home for 20 years. Maybe never will be! But all the reasons you give for not moving are good reasons to stay where you are.

@Zinnia
I don't anymore really but husband does and it is something that we have both talked about very enthusiastically about over the years. I really would never choose to live in this area but is a tricky call to move away from somewhere which has become our home. He now admits the reality of moving away is probably not as amazing as all that.

it is possible the the right house with an amazing garden might come up very locally that I think could sway DH. More than anything he wants space for a decent vegetable patch.

I suppose it's putting off 'the dream' until at least the children leave home. And by then it might be even harder to move away!

Any allotment patches available locally?

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose

Any allotment patches available locally?

ha ha funny you should say that. We did have one but had to give it up because with the 15 minute walk away we just couldn't get down there often enough. Any veggies growing in our back garden will be much better looked after.

I wouldn't move for the issue with less choice of secondary schools alone. If it doesn't work you are stuck! You are also looking at much, much ferrying around as they get older. Maybe another local move and then move out in 10/12 years.

Is there a chance that your house is big enough, but you just need to declutter? I’m probably projecting now and sorry if I am but there is a lot to be said for a nice home in a good spot, that is already extended, near schools and you know your neighbours.
I’d stay where you are and make some space for yourselves.
I’m reading a great book called ‘decluttering at the speed of life’ and it’s actually brilliant!!! I’m going to have a lot more room once I’m finished this book!

Good luck.

Are you in Newcastle by any chance?

@bentleydrummle
Ah no not Newcastle

@3luckystars
Well the clutter is def an issue that is driving me round the wall but we can’t stay here. We live on a very busy road at the moment. It didn’t use to bother me much at all but increasingly the noise and fumes are really affecting me.
We def need to move to a quiet estate or cul de sac. Which is another reason not to move to the rural location tbh. Less traffic generally but almost all rural houses suffer from traffic noise.
We def do need to declutter to sell the house though so will consider that book thank you!

Think about your children's lives in the next 10 years and their independence.

Whats the public transport situation like? If it was me I would want to ensure that I moved somewhere which has reasonable buses or is in walking distance of the centre so that your children when they reach secondary school age can stay in touch easily with friends etc and go out independently - otherwise you start becoming a taxi service.

I grew up in a small village and I can see it is good for families with young children but directly I started at secondary school I felt frustration at always having to ask parents for a lift which made everything a bit more complicated. I used to cycle as well but thats not appropriate for every occasion and taxis were expensive. How I envied my friends who lived on the edge of the town who could just jump on a bus!

@Lewski
Yup
Where we are there is a lot within a short walk, including buses and trains into the city centre.

I on the other hand grew up in a very rural village and had to be taxied everywhere. Parents always said they were aware that would happen and they chose to do that to live where we lived.

Where we are looking at moving to is not quite the same. It's relatively easy walking or cycling distance to the local high school, sports centre and other amenities in the relatively busy village . Some public transport, not much. Am not sure that cycling or walking down the lanes is going to be particularly safe (no pavements!) and I could totally end up being a permanent taxi.