Would you consider pulling out after 3 weeks of silence from buyer?

[PermanentTemporary]

My mother wants to pull out of selling her flat. She was asked to be out for completion or at least exchange on 15 July: she was out by 30 June when we provided fixtures/fittings forms etc.

After that there was 1 request for an electrical testing certificate which we got done and sent off early in August. We last had an indication they were almost ready to exchange on 19 Aug, then nothing.

My mother is 86 and struggling to find anything else she likes. She wants to go home. Would you consider we were being unreasonable to pull out?

Why has she moved out if she hasn't sold yet? She can absolutely pull out.

She moved out because we had an opportunity to move her to her sister's flat, and it was an excellent sale price.

How long since the offer was accepted?

Hmm it was June.

What is the EA saying?

If offer was only accepted in June it doesn't seem particularly slow. I would chase EA and solicitors but really doesn't seem unusual.

Are they using Countrywide solicitors by any chance?

We had them in a chain a few years ago and they were absolutely awful beyond belief. They didn't issue the contract of sale for 7 weeks and that was only after we chased them repeatedly. It got much worse.

Have you tried to contact them direct. From experience the only way we've got things moving again is by taking matters into our own hands and speaking with them directly. Often they're oblivious their solicitor/estate agent is utterly incompetent.

3 weeks isn't that long for a buyer to be quiet - if you're working full time getting everything sorted out can take time. I've been 'quiet' for that longer and maybe longer during sale as really it's the solicitors doing stuff and especially at the moment searches etc may be taking a while. Conveyancing is slow - if the solicitors are on it there's no massive reason for the buyer to be in touch.

I've sold two properties and each time sale took c12 weeks, and there were only a handful of points during that I heard anything from buyer/their solicitor.

So sorry she’s going through this (and you!).
Most important is for her to really think what she wants to do. That should drive the decision. If she wants to withdraw the flat from sale and move back she can - you haven’t exchanged yet. Check what fees will come your way.

[Sigh] she has complained about the flat for three solid years and put it on the market extremely briefly twice. She does this. We really thought she was fully decided this time.

It sounds like the time it’s taken has given her time to get cold feet, but I think you need to point out to her all the reasons moving is good.
Change is really hard for some people, but I’ve known lots of friends parents who left moving too late and then it either became a massive problem (often with issues that their children have to resolve) or they move and then become unwell and don’t get to enjoy the new home.
Get her to really think about why she is moving? Can/will any issue be resolved by staying where she is? Or is she just putting off the inevitable?
My own mother made some weird rash decisions about moving home in her last few years, caused us and herself all sorts of unnecessary stress, but I think she was feeling powerless in her life and wanted a bit of control or something, unfortunately her decisions didn’t make her any happier.

Ah - oh dear. I was about to get to this kind of rather too late downsizing situation with my lovely old Ma - before she died. Good luck.

itscold fully agree. The downsizing being too late kind of creeps over everyone in the family and it’s completely understandable when someone doesn’t want to move - and then there you are trying to get a downstairs loo fitted and the upstairs never used etc.
I do admire those who are able to get this right !
Friend of my mum sold a huge gorgeous house backing onto the Thames ‘what do I want all of this for now - I need a small garden and one level and better do that now’. Brilliant.

This is the downsize hence why she has complained about it. Its a moderately nice and extremely expensive 2 bed flat in a v upmarket retirement development. I wish we'd never seen the bloody thing.

Oh. Friend of mins is selling his mother’s such flat. Having real trouble. Apparently they are just not in demand and a lot are in the market (a lot due to Covid deaths -apols for being grim there). Good she got a good offer but where is she going ?

If we knew that... she previously wanted to be either in a specific town by the sea or in her previous town, both of which are almost impossible for any of us to travel to for the day - and she increasingly needs backup. She doesn't like anything that she goes to view but was absolutely definite that she wanted to move out.

I recently read an article in the Sunday papers about Joan Bakewells downsize, she’s loving it (and has included an extra bedroom incase she needs a live in carer in future) mind you it cost about 1.5K but was a downsize from her 4K Primrose Hill house.
@PermanentTemporary do you think she is just missing her old house? I do think it’s a difficult transition for many, but rattling around in a much too big house can become very unsafe and lonely.
I imagine you are finding it hard if she keeps changing her mind, but I do think sometimes getting old does make you feel powerless and some people just hate that, so find it hard to settle.

Oh god - I swerved that. Or rathe my lovely old Ma did. Did find a drawer full of estate agents stuff/retirement flat and care home info. She hadn’t spoken to us about any of that and changed the subject pdq when we tried to talk about ‘the house’. Your mum’s alternatives don’t sound sensible. Meanwhile she’s camped out at her sister’s! She sounds a tough old bird! Or she’s properly starting to be a bit irrational in decision making? Good luck.

I 'm nice to her, honestly... I just find it so difficult. We've probably had about 2 conversations in 4 years of speaking/meeting three times a week that didn't involve her announcing that she was going to move, or asking me whether I thought it was silly to move. Usually opening the discussion as if she's never mentioned it before. She's not particularly frail physically but is getting frailer mentally, and is stuck in permanent unresolved loss of her married boyfriend (still alive and still very married but now too ill to get about). She has been a lovely mum but it is incredibly difficult to work out the best way forward.

I think we are going to have to pull out though I don't want to. The buyer has stated that us pulling out will probably kill him. Great.

Now wondering if my mum could move in with Joan Bakewell

Well ‘if you don’t ask. . ‘ and all that

@PermanentTemporary I’m sorry it sounds difficult, I think it is difficult for all involved, you trying to support and guide her and feel good about her choices and your poor mum, getting old and everything changing around her, I must say I’m only in my mid 50s but I’ve recently become more aware that our life options are changing, getting more restricted for lots of reasons, before I was always busy ploughing forward, never really considering the next bit, I sometimes feel a bit scared about what lies ahead, I never thought I’d think like this, god know what it’s like when you hit your 70/80s 😳

You're very right. I try not to let exasperation out.