Daughter doesn't want to move!

[Ladyof]

Help please.

My daughter is 14 and is really against moving house, she gets really upset when we talk about offering of houses and says it is because she loves our house and she can't bear the thought of someone else living in "our house"

I've told her we will have a new better house and she just isn't interested.

Any ideas, it is taking away what should be an exciting time and making me feel sad about it. I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading

Unless you let her call the shots at 14 and you call off the move, then there's nothing you can do unfortunately. 💐

What about getting her to plan and design her new room..decor, accessories, bedding etc. And start buying a few things? Will there be improvements on her current toom, ie double bed, sofa, space for her friends to relax? Can you give her a budget to spend?

Maybe also try not to talk about it too much until yoi have found a house and exchanged. Then you'll know what her room will definitely be like and she can plan it.

I moved around that age and I remember it seeming really daunting, especially as it was from the house I had grown up in.

A few weeks in I was fine, loving the new house and especially the bigger garden to run around.

Sounds perfectly normal for her to be worried, it is quite a big upheavel, but I'm sure she'll be fine once she gets moved and settled. Be comforting and kind, but absolutely don't let her call the shots on it.

May be something deeper going on. Home is a child's 'safe place', and I don't mean from bullying or danger, I mean from the confusing, busy, complicated world that we send them out to spend 7-8 hours a day. She may attach a lot of emotion to your house - memories etc. And the neighbourhood. Is it the only house she has known?
I don't think a 14 year old should dictate major life decisions, but do respect that her feelings are real and legitimate. Talk it out with her - don't go on about how much better the new house or neighbourhood will be, just listen to what she says. Then perhaps you can address some of her concerns, or figure a way to make the move more acceptable in her mind.

moving house is hard on kids. are you moving area / moving school? Or will she keep all the friends etc?

don't try to pretend it is fun, acknowledge her feelings and discuss why this is a good move for the whole family.

I remember moving house when I was 13. I was really upset at first- it's all I had ever known. I remember really enjoying picking out the carpets / wallpaper etc for my new room though.

We moved away when I was 13. It was the worst thing ever (at the time). I had to leave my friends, my school, my home. I hated it. It took years to settle. However....it was right for my parents to move. They had to because of my dad's work. I settled and have stayed in the new location (well moved away and returned). If you'd given me a choice we would have stayed in the old place....but I was a kid and it wasn't my decision to make.

Thanks for all your replies.

I am trying to understand but finding it hard, the house is much better, a nicer useable garden, bigger bedrooms, en suite.

It is literally a 6 minute walk from this house so not having to change school, friends etc.

I've said we can look for new things for her bedroom and she just says nah it's OK!!

Grrrrr teenagers!

I feel for you OP. Your DD will be fine, you are moving locally, same school, friends & to a better house. Your DD will soon settle.

Don’t let a 14 y old dictate, I am all for listening to kids views, but adult decisions are for adults at the end of the day. Good luck with your move.

We have the same issue- 9 year old does not want to move, gets really upset if we mention it. Again, chance for a better house, bigger garden, staying v local so no moving school or area.
Me, DH and DD really up for it. Tried all the above tactics but he's still opposed and I'm at a loss. Very much an emotional attachment to current home and dislike of change.

We're not planning on marketing till next year, so may give it a break.

I just wanted to add that we have the exact same situation (same age DD). She is excited to move to a 'better' house and will have an amazing new room but is super sad at the thought of leaving her home.

Rationally she understands completely, but emotionally it's hard.

We had a horrible time when we initially discussed it (but I think we spoke about it too much in our excitement and overwhelmed her).

She seems to be coming round to the idea a bit more and is making suggestions for the planned layout etc. In typical teenage fashion she is up and down!

Generally we put her feelings at the forefront of everything, but this move is an opportunity that will never be available again so we are doing our best to walk the fine line between listening to her worries while making the grown up decisions for all of us.

She will be at the same school etc.

Good luck with everything x

It is shit at first but if you have to move you have to move
I remember crying before one move (grew up in pubs), we would get about 2 weeks notice and that was it. Wouldn't have seen the place before so everything was new
My parents tried but we moved when I was 1,3,4,5,10,11 and then managed to stay in the same place until I moved out

Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to talk about it less in front of her and just let her know it is an emotional time but it will all be ok.

Good luck too maplefly!

@Ladyof

Thanks for all your replies. I'm going to talk about it less in front of her and just let her know it is an emotional time but it will all be ok.

Good luck too maplefly!

Aww good luck OP, that sounds a good idea.

And honestly if she is anything like my DS, who also struggles with change, and was very sad to leave our previous home, he is so happy now we are settled in our new home, he wonders what all the fuss with about.

I am sure your DD, will settle quickly and then be forthcoming with ideas to redecorate her bedroom.

Good luck for your move.

Roselilly36 - thank you, that is good to hear!!