Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Doesn't feel like 'home'

19 replies

purpleme12 · 12/08/2021 21:04

My child has been crying tonight saying she misses the old house
Which I know is normal
But she says this one doesn't feel like home. She's right. It doesn't
Is this normal this feeling? Is this just time? Will it feel like home? It wasn't really our choice to move out of the last one (although we were looking forward to this one)
And we've found out we live next to an a neighbour who can be agressive and intimidating. This doesn't help (to put it very mildly). I think this is probably contributing to it really.
We've had all new furniture which now I'm wondering if this is why too
Is this normal?

OP posts:
Whatinthelord · 12/08/2021 21:08

Hi, I’ve moved a couple of times and would say it always takes a while to settle in and for a place to feel comfortable, but it does happen.

How long have you been in the new place.
Can you make a comfy cosy area for her filled with all her favourite blankets/teddies to sit and chills and watch a film in or something?

I imagine the neighbour does make it more difficult

mayblossominapril · 12/08/2021 21:08

It takes awhile to feel at home in a new house. Make sure you are happy, confident and positive about it or they’ll pick up on your feelings.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 12/08/2021 21:16

We've lived here just over a month

Maybe if it wasn't for the neighbour it'd feel better?

But really sadly the neighbour isn't going to change

I don't know. I haven't moved house for over 5 years and I was with a partner at that point.

OP posts:
Gettingonabitnow · 12/08/2021 21:16

I could have written your post - we moved in three days ago and I’ve cried ever since. X

Original poster
purpleme12 · 12/08/2021 21:18

@Gettingonabitnow

I could have written your post - we moved in three days ago and I’ve cried ever since. X
Oh no I'm really sorry you're finding it hard too xx
OP posts:
tryingtocatchthewind · 12/08/2021 21:24

We moved in last Friday and I really hadn’t appreciate how weird and unsettling it is and that’s with all the same furniture and stuff. My six year old has had a few wobbles but I think we’re getting there.
My biggest problem is the smell, when does it stop smelling like someone else’s house? It’s not a bad smell, just different.

Hope you feel better knowing it’s not just you. Maybe try and paint your daughters room the same colour as her old one?

Whatinthelord · 12/08/2021 21:44

Bad neighbours can have a huge impact on how you feel somewhere. However I had a bad relationship with ours when we moved in. They have been I. Their house a long time and we’re hostile over parking spaces etc. However after a year or so things settled and now we get on fine with no issues.

BunnyRuddington · 12/08/2021 21:47

I'd give it a couple of months and then think about moving again. Our last house never really felt like home. It was a lovely house in a good position but I just never really settled there. Have been so much happier since we moved.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 12/08/2021 21:50

Yes maybe if we had different neighbours
Maybe it wouldn't be feeling like this?
Or maybe it wouldn't be so bad?
I'm so sad. Unfortunately it's behaviour that's made my child scared to go into the garden or for them to see her (and I cannot blame her really)
I guess this would be colouring it all too ☹️

OP posts:
Gettingonabitnow · 12/08/2021 22:02

@purpleme12 don’t blame yourself, my daughter came and asked me if I was still sad about the new house. It’s such a massive upheaval isn’t it.

@tryingtocatchthewind yes the wrong smell!!! I’ve not wanted to unpack because it doesn’t fee clean, even though it is really.

I’m glad I’ve found this thread and that I’m not alone!

Whatinthelord · 12/08/2021 23:11

@purpleme12 oh wow sounds like your horrible neighbours have really scares her. If moving is possible it might well be worthy thinking about in a couple of months.

Is the issue with the Neighbour anything you can resolve or is it likely to remain an ongoing thing.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 12/08/2021 23:38

I don't think that he will change. I've no idea how it will go. We might not have any more trouble from him but I was never expecting to have trouble from him and we did so that's the problem I don't know when he's going to kick off at any time.
It was quite scary honestly when it kicked off. So I can't blame her for thinking like this. I don't really safe around them either if I'm being truthful.

There's no way I can afford to move. I could only move cos I had financial help from family. It was supposed to be a really good thing for me, this.
It's hard to stop thinking about it.
Especially when it's just you and your child here

OP posts:
Gettingonabitnow · 13/08/2021 07:10

@purpleme12 it might be worth a call to your local PCSO to see if he’s been tackled for any anti social behaviour in the past? If he has, and it was by your seller, they should have declared it.

GoodnightGrandma · 13/08/2021 07:18

Didn’t you do a post about this recently ? You left a relationship and wanted a fresh start with your daughter ?
You need to be really careful about what you’re saying in front of her, no negativity. Lots of positivity, let her choose stuff for her new room etc.
If you can’t move you’re going to have to make the best of it, unfortunately,

Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/08/2021 08:33

The relationship ended years ago. You must be getting mixed up

OP posts:
FartleBarfle · 13/08/2021 08:40

I totally feel for you, have had two houses with awful neighbours and it really does impact everything (this is 6 years of my life in total and I would hate to go back to that). The main thing you need to feel in your home is safe. With aggressive neighbours this can be really hard. We absolutely love our current neighbours and it makes so much difference to our life.

All I can say is that hopefully things will settle down in time and you will get used to to it so it doesn't make you feel so unsafe anymore. In the meantime have a plan to move on when you can. We had a three year plan with our last place and worked hard to pay off out mortgage and make our house look really nice so it would sell quickly. It all worked out in the end. And our drug dealing neighbours were on 'hello' terms by the end of it!

BlueMongoose · 14/08/2021 15:48

Could you afford to spend a little time and money to sit down with your daughter and work out a plan for her to design her own room? It need not cost a lot, just some paint, and maybe some fabrics/posters/prints? You could even work out a budget for her if she is old enough, so she can feel grown-up and learn to make choices etc.To get her focused on something she can control and help her make a place she can feel is her own, and safe?

CoolShoeshine · 14/08/2021 16:04

Do you have space and funds to put up decent fencing or to plant some shrubs/hedging with the potential to grow quite tall between you and the neighbour? It might make your child more comfortable going outside if it was more private.
Also, have you met any of the other neighbours? If they were friendly that might make you feel safer. I’m so sorry for your situation.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 14/08/2021 23:45

I'm going to have do something about the fencing to make it higher. Somehow.
I'm devastated.
I thought I was doing the right thing here. I don't know if she'll ever feel free or comfortable outside here
I wish I'd never moved

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page