Progressive towns in the north

[Evasmum88]

Me, my husband and 2 kids are on the hunt for a place to move to from the south west, we have considered Hexham, Kirkby Lonsdale and other places and were going round in circles a bit until we both realised our main criteria was a town/village or even a small city that is progressive if possible, somewhere where that is known for being more focused on gender equality/diversity/LGBTQ equality issues etc than others. We really don’t want to move somewhere where there is a strong sense of having to fit into the norm, or where there are very old fashioned views as a norm.

Very open to any ideas. We would ideally love to be near some countryside or the town/city have green spaces. Basically we want to fit in and I want my two girls to be able to be who they want as they grow up. I lived in deepest darkest Somerset when I grew up and did not have the best experiences there for those reasons.

Many thanks

@SeventhName

What's your budget? Villages around York will have a live and let live attitude. Selby might be a surprise.

I live in a village around York. When we first moved in we had hate mail about being lesbians living near a school (and there's more, which I won't say, because it's outing).

IME middle-class 'progressive' people who buy naice expensive houses in naice areas of the north are just as capable of being racist, homophobic bigots as everyone else.

I would also say, I've been in perfectly 'progressive' places in the south where people could also be total bastards. I've been yelled at on the street in broad daylight in the middle of Cambridge.

TBH I think if you want to protect your children you need to take responsibility for bringing them up to be who they want to be. You can't control their environment to the nth degree. Even if you think you've chosen somewhere that fits your morality/ideology, you might find they grow up and think you are laughably bigoted, or they're shocked you let them grow up with people who believe x, when x wasn't even on your radar as a form of prejudice.

Marsden or Holmfirth are both pretty chilled and fairly villagey feeling.

Tynemmouth and cullercoats are lovely but I definitely wouldn't say they are particularly diverse!!

Newcastle itself is very diverse and the city centre is always thriving!

I live in north Tyneside and I teach in Newcastle and it is quite staggering how much more diverse my school is compared to my children's school!

Well, in the northern town I live in, people chew their own feet for fun and lob bricks in the river to catch fish, so I doubt it would fit with your Southern definition of 'progressive'.

Sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm just a bit offended that you are cherry picking which of our towns to live in on the basis of whether we're decent enough people for you. On a serious note, I'd try Leeds or even York - these are both brilliant, vibrant places with loads going on and big universities. And there are fab links to other places so that you can escape if you need to 😉

Not in the slightest bit uncalled for.
I'm also confused what constitutes "equality", LGBT, and "diversity".
Lots of Northern towns and cities are racially diverse.
Many would be good for an adult gay man but not a lesbian mum. Some would be good for trans people but not for young lesbians. Some have a very traditional Muslim community and may be a hard place to come out as a gay teen. Some are whiter than white but claim to be diverse on the back of a rainbow flag on the Town Hall.

I’m just a bit surprised you’ve decided that based on the fact that you have a 9 year old tomboy she needs ‘somewhere where that is known for being more focused on gender equality/diversity/LGBTQ equality issues etc than others.’

I live fairly near the North Yorkshire moors, small rural town. Definitely not what you would call progressive. But nobody turns a hair about girls being tomboys because there are women who restore vintage tractors and wrangle sheep, some of them do it in false nails and a face full of make up, others you would probably read as butch dykes if you didn’t know better. The culture here is not hugely focused on how people dress and what it signals, probably a lot less than where I grew up in Essex or than the expensive Leeds suburb where my nephews live, which makes it a good place to be who you want.
Is there homophobia- yes, plenty, my 16yo dd is a lesbian so I hear about it a lot. But she is bloody good at shutting it down and I am happy she has developed those skills. There is also a lot of Brexit voting and it is a safe Tory seat and you know what, it’s fine to live in, you can disagree with your friends.
I hope you find somewhere you like to live op but I think you could benefit from unpacking a bit more about what you want from a home town and why you want it because my suspicion is that you are using the term ‘progressive’ and your concerns about your dd as a proxy for a number of other requirements.

ludicrous to equate orthodox Jewish area with LGBT difficulties for residents. Our local MP is openly gay and I would guess that 80% of the orthodox Jewish community voted for him.

Thanks for all your responses, sorry if I offended anyone that was definitely not my intention. There are pockets of higher and lower openness across the whole country, I specifically asked about the north purely because that’s where we are looking at moving and not because I believed that is an issue specific to the north. Not knowing places in the north very well at all I hoped Mumsnet could help with some insight, and many of your responses have been really helpful and a good place for us to start to narrow things down so thanks very much again.

Op the term ‘progressive’ is very morally freighted. If you don’t want to offend people I am sure there is a better way of phrasing what you need to know without making people feel that you see their home towns as backward. Maybe ask about places with a thriving lgbt community if that is what you are looking for.

If your 9 yo is not neurotypical I'd be concentrating on looking for a school that could support that rather than on your speculation about her sexuality. With a budget double that of the average house buyer I'm sure you'll be able to find a naice middle class enclave in whichever town you decide on that will agree with you that your daughter is not performing femininity correctly and be fully accepting of her 'non binary' behaviour. But if she's not NT then maybe she'd actually be safer somewhere that has not swallowed the pronoun koolaid.

I grew up a part of the north east full of racism, misogyny and homophobia. All that's changed since then on that area is that Brexit and other political developments have liberated people to be more open about those opinions. My husband is an immigrant and I've seen this first hand. So whilst there are many lovely people in the north, I'd be very careful where I settled if I ever return. I can see why some people have taken offence but OP is asking a sensible question, IMO.

I was a tomboy in an economically deprived northern town in the eighties. I was fine.

Ok to define the meaning of the term progressive I’m referring to:

A progressive is someone who wants to see more economic and social equality - and hopes to see more gains in feminism and gay rights.

So generally i was asking as some places that is more evident than others, everywhere in the country. And to clarify, I am not labelling my daughter as anything, I mearly want her to have a foundation of a place where she can experiment in any way she wants and gain a sense of belonging socially, I have never said she was gay or exploring her sexuality, not sure where that came from... my initial post listed a number of examples of my term progressive, of which acceptance of sexual orientation was one, as was gender equality etc. This is equally as important to me as it is to my whole family, and some places do it better than others.

What is clear about this thread is that everyone’s experiences have been very different, ranging from people being offended that it may even be raised as a criteria when moving, to people who have experienced significant discrimination and racism. My job opens up a window to the effects of injustice, racism, homophobia and many other forms of discrimination and I know there are some schools/villages/town cultures that navigate it better than others.

Interesting to hear everyone’s views and the range of interpretations. Appreciate all your thoughts.

100% what @TheCountessofFitzdotterel says.

@Hoppinggreen

As I said I’m not Gay so don’t have direct experience but I doubt that areas such as Knaresborough or any of the more white Mc places in North Yorkshire are going to be as progressive as some places mentioned. If you are coming up to Huddersfield to look at Marsden and Slaithwaite try Lindley and Honley too.

And Holmfirth, Honley, HD8 villages Reasonable school options too

I don’t think I have ever met a northerner who does want economic and social justice.

Thanks BikeRunSki, added to the list.

I loved living in Gosforth in Newcastle - can feel a bit ‘nappy valley’ at times but beautiful houses (although mostly not detached), thriving high street and excellent schools. I felt like there was a good mix of different types of people (from who I met at baby groups etc) although possibly not that many BAME- but that’s true of a lot of the NE really. You can also get the Metro to Central Station and be in London in less than 3 hours on the east coast main line.

We moved to Ponteland recently mainly to get a detached house with a garden - lovely here too and easier access to the countryside (which DH lives) but I have to say I miss having all the high st facilities within short walking distance. Excellent schools here also.

I would say that in Jesmond the state primaries are great, but there’s not a good state school option for secondary - there’s several well thought of private schools though.

Sorry forgot to say, I feel so far like Ponteland is a lot less diverse than the city suburbs, which isn’t great really although not unexpected- much older average age and hardly anyone rents so that makes a difference. Not had much of a chance to get to know people yet though due to lockdowns.

It might be worth looking at how people voted in the areas you are considering, if that would make a difference to you. Deffo more Tory (on average) the further you go into Northumberland!

@Hdhdjejdj

I don’t think I have ever met a northerner who does want economic and social justice.

Is that what you meant to say? Because I know quite a few in both progressive and non progressive areas…

Reading between your definition (I can't think of anywhere i'd describe as progressive apart from Brighton, & that's very much in a negative way) I think what you're after will be found living amongst the more educated sections of society who, (generalising here) having been through a progressive education system of college/university, are more accepting of differences/individuality.

You can look that up in the census data for any given area.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel I meant to say ‘doesn’t’

@Evasmum88

Thanks BikeRunSki, added to the list.

I live in one of these places and we know several mm and ff couples, who are very open and out. We have excellent schools too. Happy to discuss further by pm if you want. I might be wrong, but I have a feeling that Huddersfield had a gay pride march before it was a thing.