Move to small house or stay in large flat?

[Persipan]

Correctly having a bit of a quandary and need to give my head a wobble. Apologies for the essay!

I'm a single parent of an almost-toddler. Currently live in a maisonette on the upper floors of a large converted house. Decent-size lounge/diner, kitchen, two substantial double bedrooms. Bathroom in the downstairs bit, but fairly accessible from the bedrooms. There's a garden/yard shared with the downstairs flat, although it's mainly concrete and I very rarely use it. Downstairs hallway which is good for buggy storage, cupboard under the stairs, wide landings that are large enough to accommodate furniture. The flat could use some TLC (no central heating, various jobs needing doing inside and out) but is perfectly liveable for us, and it was really quite cheap when I bought it so the mortgage is not particularly high. Good location in a nice part of town close to local parks, shops etc; lots of friends nearby. However, during lockdown my dad spent lots of time visiting, he'd definitely like to continue doing so, and at some point I'll manage to oust the baby from my bed into the second bedroom, at which point there will be nowhere really suitable to put him. My plan was therefore to look to find somewhere with a third bedroom so he could have a dedicated guest space and come and go as he likes.

Put the flat in the market several months back and found a buyer quite quickly. My initial idea was to move out of the small city I live in to one of the outlying cheaper towns; however the process of viewing made it clear that the logistics of this wouldn't fly around work/nursery. I did, however, find a larger house I could afford (with some assistance from my dad, a 25% bump to the mortgage, and plundering a chunk of my savings) on the very edge of the city and had an offer accepted. Things have (slowly) progressed, but simultaneously my buyer is trying to negotiate downwards on my flat price, and the house vendors have now lost the place they were intending to move to, so it's all stalled again and I'm questioning whether it's the right place for us anyway. It's a good-sized house (the bedrooms are tiny, but overall the space makes up for it) and has a nice vibe, but it's so far away from everything (I don't have a car) - there are no parks nearby and only one rather nasty convenience store. The garden is nice but impractical for a small child and I'm worried I wouldn't stay on top of it. It's not in an area I particularly like. However, it would definitely give us the kind of space I'd ideally want to have. It has parking, which would be great for my dad (he finds on-street parking stressful). And it has awesome views!

Given that both the chain and my own enthusiasm are looking a bit shaky, I thought it was reasonable to have a look and see whether I had any other options that would let me stay in the area I'm in now. Realistically, what this would come down to would be a small terraced house - something that technically has three bedrooms but is probably no larger overall (indeed, potentially a smidgeon smaller) then where I am now. When I've viewed these, they've felt really cramped and poky by comparison - I'm genuinely not sure where things like my desk or my books could possibly go (my friends keep trying to hand-wave this stuff away but... I don't see how that works). In the current best prospect, the stairs were small and steep and I didn't feel very comfortable walking down then with the baby. We'd must likely be talking downstairs bathroom, work needing doing, possibly no heating, definitely no private parking, etc etc. What I'd essentially be gaining is a private (small) garden and a tiny third bedroom, but at the cost of a mortgage increase and a big drop in savings. And I'm just not sure if it's worth it?

So basically my options are:

Option A - carry on with the planned purchase of the larger house. You're just stressed by the process but there are reasons you liked it and it can work for you.

Option B - go for a small house nearby. Yes, it'll eat a lot of money for no increase in space, but it's a worthwhile step anyway.

Option C - stay put and explore how to make the space in the flat work going forwards. It's much cheaper than the other options, you like living there, and you can always spend some if what you save on moving on it to make it work better for you.

Any thoughts welcome!

C and have your child sleep in with you when Dad visits.

I'd stay. Invest money in your home, let your dad stay in toddlers room when he visits, toddler in with you. See if your shared neighbour would invest in the garden and lawn for a nicer garden for you all.

Stay. Lots of people bring up children in flats and you do have access to some outside space. Your DC can share with you or your Dad when Dad visits. Or get an air bed if you don't want a sofa bed. Depending on storage space you can get some 'double height' ones which are really decent and not like lying on the floor.

Wow, thanks everyone! I was honestly not expecting such a unanimous response (given how anti-flat Mumsnet can be, I expected people would think a house was an improvement!).

If I stay put (which I can definitely see logic in doing), I do need to have a careful think about how to spend most efficiently on the flat - a lot of the things that need doing aren't add-value kind of things, and I could easily end up whittling away at my savings and making a future move even harder if I don't balance those out with stuff that would. There's also the possibility that I might have a second baby in the future (I'm a solo parent by choice) - again, the flat would totally work even with two kids, but some guest solutions would work better than others, if that were to happen. So lots to think about - thanks so much for your helpful responses!

C.

But think ahead to the school years. They are not that far away!!!
Are you paying for childcare? Will you free up a chunk of cash when your DC starts school?

I’d pull out of your current deal and keep looking. I’m sure you can find a solution to your dads visits that works.

I’d also broaden my search to include 2 bedroom places just to see what is on the market that might work better for you than your current place

I'd stay put. Have a sofa bed in your second bedroom and just bunk in there with your Dd when your dad visits, or get one for the lounge. It seems mad to give up so much you love about where you live just to make it better for your dad visiting - you have to live there day to day.

Another voe for stay.

There are lots of options for guest spaces.

You said that both bedrooms are double so even when your child is in is own room he could still sleep with you when your dad visits.

Or have two beds, my mum loved sharing with her grand daughter.

My small second bedroom is used mostly as an office but has a single that can convert to a double or into 2 singles.

Talk to your neighbours about the garden and what you would both like, do they have children?

Additional garden info: the downstairs flat is rented out to an older gentleman who has lived there for a long time. The owner might be up for teaming up to improve the garden but any work involving eg removing the concrete would mean taking all the old concrete out and all new materials in via my downstairs hallway, which is a rather draining prospect! Getting some furniture is doable, though (assuming there's any to be had, I know it's in short supply at present).

Absolutely 100% C.

I'd definitely not buy the house.
I'd definitely avoid over spending on your flat, as ultimately a small 3 bedded near to you would be best. So do stuff to your flat where you'll get your money back.

STAY STAY STAY.

How often is your dad staying?

I’d echo what others said - if the flat broadly works for you I’d make a list of what needs doing over time (central heating, garden?), save up towards it and carry on living your life.

Could you get some nice planters and pots for the garden? A sandpit for your DC? A couple of garden chairs? Make more of the space outside. Also as others have said get a sofa bed for occasional visitors. None of this will cost anything like a move. Location counts for a lot. These sort of changes might mean another few years in the flat. Then look again at alternatives but don't move somewhere isolated for the sake of a tiny bit more space (IMO)

C! this about you and your needs not your dads and how he doesn't like parking on the street.

You don't drive, your flat is in a perfect location for you, with shops and park in easy reach.

Your mortgage is manageable, so less financial burden around your neck.

Your friends live near by.

Your flat is a good size and fits all your stuff in. unlike the houses you have seen.

Your main reasons for moving are not about you at all. Staying put now doesn't mean you will never move, but you can move when you feel your flat isn't working for you anymore, and you will base your search and priorities on what you feel you need.

There are lots of garden ideas to improve your space which don't cost the earth. you can focus and do research on that once you are no longer in the buying process. post pics of your garden space on mumsnet and what you want to achieve and see what suggestions come up.

Honestly only ever move and take on a bigger mortgage, when it is to benefit you and DC.

Apologies I've missed it, but I don't think you've mentioned schools? Do you have a good primary nearby? If so, I would stay put, enjoy your flat and focus your attention on a move in a few years to set up for whichever secondary catchment you want to be in. This will come round sooner than you think.

Stay put! Just get a sofa bed! Cheaper than moving?

You'd move somewhere inconvenient when you don't drive because your dad doesnt like parking?!

Put your needs first OP. Your flat and the space sounds perfect!

Moving for the sake of being in a house (people think it's more 'grown up' for some reason) is over rated!

Dad visit frequency: probably at least one long weekend every month. Maybe slightly more. Let's say the equivalent of at least one night in seven, averaged out. He stayed for ten weeks over lockdown (when the baby was born), though, and if I had another one I'd likely need him to do something similar.

Schools: my preferred school is an all-through school with no catchment area, so if we got a place there then location isn't super-relevant for that (it's very close to my work). Otherwise there are good primaries near both whether I am now, and the larger house (everyone raves about that one). And all the other secondaries are horrible IMO so no great advantage catchment-wise in any location, there.

Hmm. For one night in seven(ish) I wonder if you can acclimitise your son to have his grandad in with him during the visits? With a comfy fold-out bed? Otherwise I'd get a good sofa-bed for the living room.

Stay where you are for now. It is good that your df visits frequently but I think you are wrong to consider moving just so that you can accommodate him when he stays.

can you post a floor lay out of your flat?

you might be surprised that some on here might be able to see a solution or great ideas of furniture layouts.

Stay where you are for now
Make second bedroom into DC’s room/guest room. They can surely sleep on a mattress in your room when your dad stays.

My dd slept in a double bed for a while so that the double bed was there for when guests came.

The house you found originally doesn’t sound quite right and it sounds like you’d miss the square footage of your flat.
In future you’ll also want to think about school catchments

Stay. You're happy where you are and have reservations about the houses / locations you could move to. It makes no sense to be less happy most of the time simply to have added convenience occasionally when you father visits. Invest in the flat (central heating, etc.) to make it more comfortable and add value. Only move if / when it no longer works for you / you find somewhere you'd be happier.

Thanks everyone!

For those seized with a desire to reorganise the flat, here you go. Blue things are soft furnishings (hopefully you can tell what from the context). Green things are storage furniture of some kind. Purple things are tables/desks. (Obviously I haven't included every last chair and bedside table and what have you, but you get the gist.) The yellow hatched area is where there's restricted headroom. Enjoy!

Stay where you are

I was in a similar position

My flat is upstairs in a conversion, just me and 1 dc in a fantastic location, private garden

He’s grown up now and I still can’t give it up!
Have you considered extending up ? My next door neighbours have an extra bedroom on the roof.

My dsis had a lovely second floor flat, big and airy with 2 decent size bedrooms and shared outside space. She sold it and bought a little terrace house with a garden. Big mistake - bathroom was downstairs behind the kitchen, the front room was tiny and she found it hard to keep up with the work in the garden.