How do you decide whether to do a major move to other end of the country?

[instantpotnoodle]

We currently live down south, commutable to London etc. We live in a large terrace which is in very high demand - we'd be quids in if we sold. We have a big mortgage which we can afford, but for the next 5 years whilst our youngest is at nursery, we wont be saving or able to do much beyond the day to day and general days out etc. So not rolling in money but also not having to give it much thought, and potential easing in the future a little bit.

Our eldest has just finished Year R at a lovely, excellent school. We're very happy here but both our jobs have just told us we don't need to be in the office any more than a handful of times a year.

we have no family near by, my family are up north. I've always wanted to move back somewhere near them, but have been tied to work down here. Now we're seriously thinking about making the move.

On paper, it makes absolute sense - more money, bigger house, near family and close friends, there's excellent schools where we'd aiming to be, and a lovely outdoorsy life style. I'm also concerned what life will be like down here as and when my currently very healthy but aging parents start struggling to either visit us, or need support and I'm so far away from them.

I'm struggling to weigh up the emotional attachment particularly to my son's schooling and not disrupting him, as well as the general stress of trying to find somewhere to live, nursery and school place when we're 200 miles + from the intended destination.

I don't have anyone neutral that I can discuss - everyone either wants us to stay or to go. If anyone has made the move, particularly with school age kids and from somewhere you were actually pretty happy....how did you make the decision and also, how on earth do you logistically manage it?!

Now would be the right time to do it. Kids are resilient.

I would think of the emotional benefits of the children living near family.
I would take the opportunity while the market is good.

If it feels right, do it. All the practical aspects will fall into place if you want it to happen.

Kids are really resilient, mine were fine moving and were really excited about it all.
We visited a few times first and rented for a year to work out exactly where we wanted to be then bought house.
I rang up for schools before our move and found a school available to take my kids, it all worked out really well and they had a look around before they started in September.
You child will most likely be fine I would go for it.

I have lived in different places but didn't have to find a school just a nursery. I would recommend renting when you move initially. Yes it does mean you will be moving twice however it takes the pressure off trying to find a house to buy immediately and puts you in a good position when you do come to buy.

Children are very resilient especially when they are very young like yours are.

If you have a specific area in mind and family/friends are local to that then ask for their help or name change on here and ask on here. Definitely rent if you do not know the area, local knowledge is invaluable.

We’ve made the move recently with twins entering reception this year, and time will tell if this is a good decision. I do think kids at this age (yours is one year older) are really adaptable. I’ve also been really pleased with the village schools we’ve experienced, having come from a highly sought London catchment and feeling a bit nervous about what leaving that would mean. It is a huge leap when you aren’t able to visit / know people in the school already, but you can get a sense from online, and I found Locrating subscription helpful as well.

In terms of figuring out the move long distance, we ended up renting for a year closer to our final destination, which made it easier to house hunt and also helped us figure out what we valued in a non-London life. Maybe not ideal if you have a kiddo already in school, but it took a lot of pressure off the entire family and again, kids this age adapt. I personally grew up moving every year or two my entire childhood (though totally agonised about doing this to my kids), and ultimately think happy home life is more important than schools for kids longer term happiness/ success.

One aspect we have thought a lot about is contingency planning for jobs / finances. We are both in careers traditionally very London based, but companies who have made wfh pretty much permanent. We have thought about what we would do if policies change or need to change jobs for some reason. For this reason we have chosen a house below our means, and have discussed how we would make things work if husband needed to be in office more regularly (including potentially spending multiple nights away)

Ultimately it was a bit of an ‘if not now then when’ decision. although happy enough in London, we were tired of compromising on housing, time with family, proximity to extended family.

If you're ever going to move, now is the time. We have just relocated too (nowhere near as far as you though!). Only thing I would say is are you absolutely POSITIVE you won't be needed back in the London office? Some people I know have been told that and then bosses have changed their mind...

Moving when they are so young is the right time. Your DS will remember very little of R and year 1.

Now is the time, sounds like a good plan overall. Don't get emotionally attached to school for such a young child. We have ex-patted up till now and my DC just joined y1 and y3 a few weeks ago- they've been fine. In fact older DC is on her 3rd primary school (yes I felt bad, but this is our last move!) and she had adapted well- and this was an international move.
I said this on another thread somewhere but DC2 joined y1 and was the 4th of 5 new children that came over the course of the year- it's quite common.
If you want to do it then do it now.

Hi @instantpotnoodle , what did you decide in the end? We're considering a similar move. Not quite the same as we would need to change jobs to move, though remote work would be an option.

We were unhappy where we were, but in the end after years of talking about it, it was very much a "f* it" moment. Dh applied for a job where we wanted to be (my hometown ish) and we were lucky in that he could live with my parents while there. We were also incredibly lucky with a very quick house buy and we were moving from an LA property. Once the house was in place dd and I moved, it was less upheaval for her. Dd was just about to turn 6 and go into primary 2, she can't really remember her first school 2 years later.
It was emotional and stressful but I wouldn't change what we did. Everyone is so much happier and we have a better life now.

My mum lived in France when she got cancer and died within 9 months. During the last two months the borders were closed due to COVID and I couldn't get to see her. It's quite a regret that I couldn't be close by her to support her and see her away. Time is precious and I only got to see her for a fortnight a year and maybe the odd night or two in England for the last twelve years of her life. I would have loved to have easier access to her.

In terms of logistics, it's going to be hard, don't get me wrong. Getting more info on houses than is shown online by agents is like getting a blood out of a stone, and over vast distances, it's really hard to know whether to committ to a viewing and do the journey or not (my main difficulty is pain whilst in the car).

I would recommend first spending some time doing a reccy of several areas you might want to live in. Can the youngster stay with someone for a weekend whilst you do it? You can then fully focus your attention on the areas.

Second step, research the market and prices and number of sales. Land registry helps. Sadly there is not much out there at the moment.

Third step, get your current house under offer, STC. Some EAs will point blank refuse to even show you homes until you do. Get an agreement in principle to show them you are serious too. Once you do those two things they will be keen to help. A lot of sales are falling through right now so they are overly cautious.

Fourth step, plan clusters of viewings on the weekends. The good news at the moment is very few areas are in such high demand that they can refuse weekend bookings. We have even had some on Sundays.

The logistics will fall into place after that.

I think doing it now before their health fails is sensible. You don't want to end up panic buying due to needing to be there and making questionable choices about the area or house.

moving when children are young is fine moving once in secondary unless absolutely necessary will cause angst but not at YR ideally you should move before they start last year of primary in England so you are in permanent address before applications for secondary
being close to the wider family ( provided you get on well and no issues) is a greater benefit than being close to British museum etc

There are a lot of benefits by the sound of it. The only question to me would be could you get new jobs in the region that would pay well enough? We've done remote working (internationally) and long term our companies only promoted people in London because they were assuming we'd leave. Self fulfilling prophecy there! If you can't get localish jobs you're in a vulnerable position because you won't be able to afford to go back to London.

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