Shared Maintenance/Cleaning - is this acceptable?

[Bettyboo234]

Hello everyone,

I live in a ground floor flat (separate door) with one neighbour who lives in the first floor flat. We share a driveway which leads onto a back area where there are 2 drives, with each of us owning one.

There is also a front garden area which is only owned by me. The other week I spent 2 days completely de-weeding all the front garden and making everything look nice as although I own it, it’s nice for it to be nice for both myself and the neighbour.

I have just received a message which essentially says “can we arrange a day together where we can clean the shared area/drive as it needs general sweeping and weeding”

I haven’t done anything yet on this as I only moved in 2 months ago so obviously been focusing on my own house/garden etc. In my opinion, if i went out and had free time on a weekend or during the week, I would just do it when I see it needs to be done (do some weeding, sweep up a bit that kind of thing) and hope that it would just be mutually shared over time as I know when she had free time she would do the same, I’m finding it quite invasive that we have to essentially do it together?

I completely agree it should be shared and am 100% up for making sure the shared areas are clear but just find the message very strange. If I think what I would have liked her to do instead I’m honestly not sure either - so maybe I’m just being weird!

I am just looking for some advice on whether you agree it’s a little strange/what I should reply or am I just feeling that whole “someone’s telling me what to do” vibe and overthinking and actually it’s a polite/respectful thing to do so we both do our share.

She has been quite overbearing from the start, worried and anxious over very small things, sends messages every other day apologising for noises she makes which I literally never hear nor care about so it’s just like another thing happening again which makes me feel like I’m not in my own private space type thing or can’t fully relax.

Thanks

Set the precedent now. Make it clear you intend to keep it tidy and well maintained but you don't feel it's necessary to do it together.

Offer to take turns, say she does it one month and you do it the next. She can start as you just moved in.

Get someone in for 2 hours every other week/once a month (like everyone does here, Spain) and share the cost.

They tackle different things each time as well as generally keep things ticking along in a clean way!

To me, this would come across as polite code for “the driveway needs clearing but I don’t want to set a precedent by doing it all myself so that you assume I’ll do so going forward, nor do I want to come across as pushy by simply telling you that you need to do it, so I’ll suggest we do it together.” I’d just respond saying that you’re going to do your half / get a gardener out to do it within the next month, would she like to share the cost of the gardener if he also does her driveway.”

Thanks all - I just responded with this. Let me know if you think this was ok?

“Yes of course - I looked and can’t believe how the weeds grow so fast!!!

Do you prefer if we take it in turns? Me and X are happy to do it sometime this week (I am quiet this week anyway) as we haven’t done it before yet - saves doubling up on our time and will give you a break from doing it (as I know you used to always do it before)

Not sure how long it takes to get like this each time but happy to rotate type thing. I suppose it’s just removing all the weeds and sweeping so it’s all clear, let me know if there’s anything else you would usually do though!”

I know that the people who used to live here before us were terrible and did nothing - so think this was a good way of saying “I don’t want to do it with you, but I still want to do it and help out” type thing.

You are all right - need to just start setting a few boundaries in the sense of I live here and have every right to not feel worried about things too so as much as I want to be a good neighbour i don’t always just have to accept what she suggests. I am quite an anxious person myself so the thought of having to work out plans once a month to do cleaning and sweeping with my neighbour terrifies me haha!! Would rather just do it myself and then rotate each time.

I’ll see what she says anyway