Really missing our old house

[cooperbug]

Is it normal not to feel settled in our new house? We moved here end of Feb, just around the corner from our old house much bigger and needs a bit of work done but I just can’t help but miss our other house.

We have had a few issues since we moved in with the roof and windows and now potential rats in the garden and I just can’t feel excited about it anymore.

We loved it at the time we had our offers accepted and for the first month or so. Anyone else felt like this?

I've missed all my old houses and still do miss many of them. They all had lovely features or memories that I don't have today. But today I have things I didn't have then so it's a trade off.

In some ways, I think it's nice to miss an old house (or job, or partner ) because I think it's better that way than to stay until you hate it and cannot wait to see the back of it. It's better to leave and have nice memories (imo).

Plus, what really makes a house a home IS the memories of time spent there and Feb-May in a pandemic is not the best chance to build those. In time, your new house will start to have them, rather than the rubbishy ones of rats etc, and that's when it starts to feel like a home. For me, anyway.

It will be the work that needs doing that's overwhelming you I'd expect. I moved into my house 4 years ago, I immediately had buyers regret, as it didn't feel like mine and was a bit grotty. Once it had been scrubbed and I began to buy some new bits for it, I soon remembered the reasons I had bought it! I still haven't redecorated yet but I can see it's potential so that gets me through

You just need to focus on all the reasons you chose the house in the first place and keep thinking of the end result. The work will take time but now you have a house with potential, which I'm guessing was lacking in your much smaller house.

Yep, I still wonder sometimes why we moved from our manageable terrace to a bigger house that is currently filled with builders, was freezing over the winter, and doesn't have our lovely old neighbours.

But it'll be lovely when its done, we moved for a garden, which will be lovely when the builders have gone, it's a quieter road, nice view and we've got off road parking.

So lots of positives but doesn't mean I don't miss the old house sometimes and still have a little look at rightmove...

It'll be better when the work is done - you'll settle into it more.

I walk past the old one sometimes and that helps - especially if it's at school chucking out time and its manic with screaming kids.

I've been the same way every time I've moved - been so sick of the old place, so excited to move and then after the initial unpacking is over I end up feeling some regret. It's a normal adjustment I think - especially when you realise there's more work than you thought to be done.
It's really easy to idealise a property when your offer is accepted. When you're living in it you have to adjust to it warts and all, and it takes a while to make a new house a home xx

I’ve been here 3.5 years and it does feel like home but I loved our old little 3 bed town house. People always seemed to think, and comment, that it was small but the bedrooms were all big doubles and I loved it. It was home. This feels like a proper grown ups house with jobs that need doing and a garden to maintain. I mostly miss the tiny mortgage payments on the old house.

Yes, we moved two mins walk away. We have so much more room in our new property, which is what we needed at time, it's on a small part of the area we've always longed to live. Like you though, we had unforeseen problems immediately on moving in and I think it took the shine off things. Thinking of moving again seven years later, but on looking at rightmove, there's nothing that matches the area and space for our money and we have decent neighbours, also I realise we've done things to the property which I'd miss, so it's a hard one.

Yes I guess I just feel overwhelmed with it all and unable to enjoy it. Despite having our furniture in it, still doesn’t feel like our house but it’s early days.

It’s reassuring to hear that others have felt the same.

Yep. We had that too OP. It did take some time but we did absolutely fall in love with it. Right now (2 years in) I can safely say I absolutely bloody love this house and it is our home as a family.

But...I felt wretched for the first 6 months or so after moving. Adament we'd made a mistake. Wished we'd stayed in our first home. I honestly think that feeling was more a reflection of our first home together and how much we'd loved it and all the good times we had and memories we'd made as newlyweds in that house, than it was a reflection of our feelings towards the new house. If that makes sense.

At the time of feeling buyers remorse, I looked online (including Mumsnet) a lot to see if people felt the same and get advice. I honestly thought we'd have to move again after a few years. And on a really old thread on here there's a really golden piece of advice - you have to make it yours before it becomes yours. For some people just unpacking their boxes and setting up their furniture and putting up their pictures makes it theirs. But for others (especially I think in houses which are projects or a little outdated) it's when their choice of paint is on the wall or floor is fitted etc that it becomes theirs - and that will take longer.

Now...2 years down the line, I know that if I ever have to move again I know I will feel the same again. Buyers remorse and missing this house. Because this is the house where I was pregnant, brought my baby home from the hospital, enjoyed him toddling around in the garden.

I hope this helps OP I remember that feeling and it's awful, but I hope it fades soon

And I forgot to say...

Where we've known people who've bought a new house and they say it felt like home immediately, there's usually a story behind that - in one of our friends case they had awful loud neighbours in their previous house so their 2nd home immediately felt like home because they straight away enjoyed the noticeable peace and quiet. More recently a relative moved house, they went from a small 2 bed flat with 2 kids to a 3 bed house with a garden and it felt immediately like home because they enjoyed the space from day 1 and noticed they weren't tripping over each other any more.

So if you're missing your previous home, it could be because you loved it so much (sounds obvious I know!) and it's not actually a reflection of your feelings towards your new home.

Absolutely been there and it will get better!

We moved from our first house, small terraced but lovely village, fantastic neighbours, we could see the church we got married in from the back of the house which was also a view of open fields and horses...but we were having dc2 and dh wfh so we needed to move.
I remember the day we moved into our current house I wanted to cry thinking what have we done and why as it needed so much work. DH never said anything but we both admitted to each other a few years later that we had both been thinking the same thing.

It did take time tbh, we have extended and completely renovated the whole house however we are now really happy here. The neighbours around us are all great and I now know it was the right move and for all the reasons we chose the house at the time. The garden is much bigger and I can walk into the town and amenities easily.

As pp have said, it's a natural thing but think of the big picture and why you moved and you will get there!

Thanks for all of your comments everyone, I am the kind of person who wants everything done yesterday so it’s no surprise I feel like this really. Spoke to my husband about it last night and he was a bit shocked but I also think I he feels overwhelmed by things since we have moved in.

I guess time will help and once we start our renovations we can put our own stamp in it.

Our old house we outgrew but in terms of decor it was exactly how we wanted and I feel a bit miffed that somebody else is living there now and enjoying it (even though they will probably change it!)

I worry that I will feel exactly like this when I move into my next house. Currently doing my house just to how I like it, but it hasn't got a garden. I think I will want to move in a few years to one a few streets away that have nice long gardens, but are smaller houses. I wish I could just pick my house up and put it somewhere else.