Unsettled at the thought of moving

[Whereverilaymycat]

Name changed as I’ve mentioned this in real life.

Love my house, two thirds of the way through renovating. So far taken 6 (!) years, but it was always the forever house. Could never have afforded the house done and it was a dream to bag this one. I always have felt so lucky to live here. I will also caveat that I am aware what a privilege it is to own a house and be able to potentially move anyway.

Preferred secondary school and other secondary school both nearby, historically people in the road have gone to either. However now our preferred school (which is not our nearest on the authority site) has become very popular, the catchment has shrunk and we have a very slim (well no) chance of getting it. Other school I just don’t think is as suitable.

The thought of leaving this house makes me feel wretched, but I want my children to be in the best place for them. Houses in guaranteed catchment that would improve what we have here are much more expensive, so that’s why I’m thinking about it now (3 years out) as I’ll need to save as much as we can, be on the hunt for a doer upper again etc.

I’m not sure what I’m after really. Obviously not whether we should move as nobody has the ability to know. More reassurance that you can leave a house you love and not hanker after it (for any reason, not just schools) Or ideas on what we do about renovating the rest. I’m thinking we should do the minimum now and then if we do end up staying we hopefully have savings to finish it anyway.

It may seem dramatic to be worrying about it now, but I have to have a rough plan or we simply won’t be in a position to move if we have to.

Any comments welcome, I seem to be thinking about it all the time and I really don’t think it’s a great use of head space for another three years! I’m keen to make my peace with where we are and park it, as I now feel really unsettled and ‘on hold’
Thank you if you made it this far!

First off, don't keep justfying your 'privilege' that you have a nice house in a nice area.
Moving for schooling is very common. Is it worth it? Is the other school significantly worse? It sounds like they have the same population, so what does one do that is so much better than the other?
And what does the other area offer aside from the school?
I'd keep renovating your current house, and put some money aside in case you do decide to move.

Thank you and that’s a fair point regarding how much more the school offers. Maybe I’m getting swept up in feeling like an option has been taken away more than anything.

I didn’t intend to over do the privilege part. It’s half because I just love the house and half because it’s such a tough climate in general.

Thank you for your sensible advice. I think I’ll try and visit the schools well ahead of time and really think about what extra we would gain.

I'm in a similar situation...been doing my house up and it's exactly to my tastes, I love it completely. But I have one niggle - being so overlooked as I'm in a terrace.

The thought of moving genuinely brings me to tears and makes my heart ache.

I don't know how people move when they have invested in a house so much...

Sorry forgot to say.... are you SURE this other school is unsuitable? What's wrong with it?

Personally I would stay put. Your kids will be fine at the other school by the sounds of it and really the high school stage goes by in a flash .
I wouldn't leave a house I loved so much under the circumstances and you might have sellers remorse and regret it massively.
And I say the same to @missbunnyrabbit as well . Honestly I have learned that nothing is ever completely perfect and if you love your home so much why lose it over one thing you would like to be different. Odds on there will be something about the next house that isn't quite right either. That is just my opinion for what it is worth

Thank you both for replying.

@missbunnyrabbit the other school has been through a very bad patch and has had to be taken over. It’s reputation is not great at all. It also specialises in an area my eldest has no interest in. The other school consistently performs well and is more academic. But of course there is time for this to change. I’m glad I’m not the only one so invested in my house. My two closest friends aren’t emotional about houses like I am!

@flapjackfairy thank you, and you’re right, I feel we could only move for something that genuinely betters this house (eg detached) and in our budget that’s going to be unlikely.

I did some soul searching last night and being honest I’m wondering whether some of the issue is the perception of the other school locally, rather than what it is actually like. So because so many parents are trying to avoid it, will I have failed my children by not avoiding it also.

Really helpful everyone thank you so much.

I say this on every similar thread but are you certain being in catchment will guarantee you a place? That's not how it works in my county, our schools are severely oversubscribed and location to school is the 3rd or 4th criteria which they rarely get to after filling the first couple (exasperated by having some odd entry requirements admittedly) I'd have to be very certain the house move would guarantee us the school place to make such a sacrifice for it.

If it's any use, perhaps the school will improve when it has been taken over? A high school where I live vastly improved after a change in Head. Is there any chance you could stay longer in your home and see how things pan out with the other school before deciding? I would be very wary of moving for these reasons, you have no guarantees of a better school elsewhere.

@folloyourarro thank you. Yes we are in catchment now but for all the reasons you say would be unlikely to get it. I’ve been studying the admission figures over the last few years and I can see a clear pattern. It’s why I’m keeping an eye so far out as I don’t want to base decisions on outdated assumptions.

@Gothichouse40 absolutely. I think my worries are more emotional than practical at the moment, but if I’m doing it to myself then I need to undo it! I could only move for a better house I’ve realised. I don’t think it’s fair on the children either otherwise. Especially if for any reason they don’t get on at the preferred school.

Thanks everyone very helpful.

What a tricky position to be in! As a teacher, it may be worth having a general chat with staff at your primary to ask where they feel your children would fit in well. Our catchment school has a poor reputation from when the parents at our primary were teenagers, but it's vastly different now and is somewhere I'd be happy for my children to go to, especially as they really nurture children there. The parents don't always realise how much of a change there has been, especially following change in leadership and many continue to move to try and get places in some of the other local comprehensives.

I hope you find a solution that works for all your family and brings you all happiness 😊.

Just wanted to say I completely understand falling in love with your house. I am with mine. We are in a position to go up the ladder and can afford detached/ensuite which my 3 bed 30s semi doesn"t have but I feel so settled in my home. My house is my happy place. I love being here and it has such a lovely feeling about it. We have done it up just how we like it. I've never felt so at home anywhere else so we've decided to stay. I can't bear the thought of someone else living here!

I've had to move from my dream home 😔 it was awful however the schools we have moved for have been outstanding and have proven that I made the right choice for my children x

I've moved for different reasons after decades in a home I adapted and loved. In many ways the worst was the garden with phenomenal plants I'd planted and though I took cuttings you can't take a tree!

You don't say how fast you have to think of secondary school but if not urgent sit tight. As you say things can change. Good luck

Year groups differ in size and the catchment could change again.

Plus schools go through upheaval generally and could switch things round

You don’t mention the general catchment, a few local schools change catchment so the wealth was more distributed, so encompasses various demographics.

Leadership and staff moral are more important.

Thank you so much everyone.

Basically the school became inadequate and was then taken over. It’s reputation couldn’t have been worse at this point. Due to this, general building and sibling heavy years, the other school in close proximity has become even more popular than it was previously.
I’m hearing now that the previously failing school is improving, but there’s still a lot of nervousness for many of us. It’s why I’m keeping such a close eye.
I think I’ve worked out what needs to be done if we do have to sell, so I’ll focus on those areas (it’s still for our benefit) and then if we don’t sell I can look at the last big stuff later on.

Great tip on getting feedback from the primary school. I also have a relative in education (again primary) but I imagine they will be another good source and I respect their opinion.

Glad I’m not alone in being so attached to my house. I knew I’d be happy here within seconds of seeing it online and the in person viewing just confirmed it. I could feel something so special about it.

I’ll aim to save whatever we can to maximise the options we have and stop obsessing. Anything can happen as the pandemic has taught me this last year or so!