What is it like to move your children to a more rural location?

[Trafford99]

My husband and I have the opportunity to build our dream house. I never in my wildest dreams expected this. However the only thing that is putting me off is the location. I have lived in rural locations before but my children haven't. It is a little further in the sticks than we would have liked, surrounded by trees and a stream running through the bottom half of the garden (the plot is about 1 acre). 3 things worry me:
1- it may be dark, although we will cut a lot of the trees back there won't be a view as such.
2 - we have children, will the stream be a constant source of worry (even though we will fence it off)
3 - the children will miss having neighbours close by (although they will have a massive garden to play in!)
Does anyone have any experience of living somewhere like this or making a move like this? I feel we'd be stupid to pass this opportunity up but have to make sure it's right for the whole family (or am I overthinking it all 🤦‍♀️) .

We live in a very rural area, school and all activities 25 minute drive away. Nearest shop 15 minutes away. It has been fantastic for dc, however you do have to be prepared to drive to activities and when kids want to see friends. We have no bus so it all falls to us. We do not mind and it is the norm to do this where we live. Teenage ds learnt to drive as soon as he could and that made a massive difference. Both ds love living outdoors and make the most of where they live. The years of having to take out and about are very short in the scheme of things. We also have a small stream and never needed to fence it off. It is a different life to village or town.

I loved living rurally as a child and was so disappointed when we moved. I much prefer the country I just think you have to be prepared to drive children around as they get older. For me that's never going to be a problem as I'm happy to do it. Depends what's best for you though.

We live in a small town but probably half a mile from fields/countryside etc. My DC are tween/teen and they can walk or cycle to and from school, and to sports clubs, parks and friends houses.
DH always has dreams of living more rurally but doesnt think through the limitations of kids school/activities and social life.

I lived rurally as a child and always envied my friends and cousins who had neighbours to play with. It made me isolated and lonely. I wouldn't do it to my children

I think that you should build the dream house. It sounds like your DC are young, with all that fretting about the stream (give your head a wobble, btw)

Build your house (a once-in-a-lifetime chance to create capital/equity), enjoy the countryside while the DC are young and then move nearer to town/city when they get nearer secondary school age.

City folk always go on about being a taxi for the DC. I didn't mind (as long as the DC didn't mess me around too much over times/locations). I love having a car; it is freedom. I cannot imagine living in a city, not having a car/parking and being reliant on public transport - my worst nightmare! The idea of having 'everything on your doorstep' isn't all it's cracked up to be. City children can be very insular and have no idea what goes on outside their little neighbourhood bubble (Londoners are the worst). My DC used to roam all over the county. They live in cities now, for work, but still love the great outdoors.

My family made this type of a move when I was 5 and my siblings 10, 13 and 16 years old. None of us had lived in a rural environment before and it was a learning curve to say the least! We laugh now about some of the things we did. As teenagers my sister and I hated it and couldn't wait to move to the big city, but she ended up moving back there five years later and you couldn't pry her away from it. I go back to visit whenever I can but wouldn't live there again. The downside for me is that racism and narrowmindedness seem to thrive in small isolated communities; it's nothing to do with the location, just the people unfortunately. My family was never really accepted into the community as the gulf in thinking and attitudes was just too huge, but we all preferred to keep to ourselves anyway. My sister now works for the local authority so has integrated a little more that way.

So subjective. I grew up in a village and wouldn’t do that to my kids. Dull! Fine if your children are country souls. My two teens would be utterly miserable. That said they do country walks with friends to see sunsets during lockdown but both love having pals within walking distance.

Putting aside anything else, the bit of your op that jumped out at me was the stream that will be in your garden.
With the massive increase of heavy rain/storms in the past few years, I wouldn't build a property anywhere near a stream. Today meandering brook can become tomorrow's torrent. Look at Boscastle in Cornwall, with its 'stream' running through the town (you tube), Lydney in Gloucestershire and places like Whitchurch on the Glos/Hereford border. The chances of your stream flooding your house, assuming you are on the same level, is very high. You really need to be at least 50 feet higher than any local watercourses.

City folk always go on about being a taxi for the DC. I didn't mind (as long as the DC didn't mess me around too much over times/locations). I love having a car; it is freedom. I cannot imagine living in a city, not having a car/parking and being reliant on public transport - my worst nightmare! The idea of having 'everything on your doorstep' isn't all it's cracked up to be. City children can be very insular and have no idea what goes on outside their little neighbourhood bubble (Londoners are the worst). My DC used to roam all over the county. They live in cities now, for work, but still love the great outdoors.

I live in a small commuter town. I have a car, but I wouldnt like to be reliant on it for everything. When my car was in the garage for a week, it wasnt a problem to get kids to school,, or after school activities. If I am working in London, during the school holidays my DC can go to the shops, get the train to a bigger town, or meet friends to play sports , or (very reluctantly) pick up a few groceries. If we lived more rurally, they would have less scope to do those things if I wasnt around.

3 DC here (4,3 and 0). I grew up in a small village and we move last er to a village in the north Pennines.

It's great. We have a river over the garden wall - our 4 year old can climb over the stile/gate by himself so a degree of training has been required about asking permission etc. We are in a village with other kids, bus service and a primary school so no worries there; it would be more of a pain later on if we were off the main route. Our nearest small shop is 2.5miles away and secondary school/large village is 20 minutes by car.

My mum refused to be a taxi service and I can see us mostly doing the same. Certainly won't be giving lifts after midnight.

I grew up very rurally.

The whole outdoors living and playing was great for me when I was little. However as a teen it was so lonely. I didn’t have a single friend that I could visit under my own steam. This meant that everything was organised. I was so envious of children who could just announce they were going to pop over to a friend.
How close are the schools? My journey to secondary school was 30 minutes. Some children were 45 minutes. Think of how much of their time that takes up.

Certainly won't be giving lifts after midnight.

The families I knew who did this ensured their dc took lifts with mates or older dc.

This was definitely less safe than parental lifts in several different ways.

Why would you fence off the stream? That sounds like so much fun. We used to play (aged 7 and 5) in and old badger set but my cousins had stream where we built dams and I was so jealous.

Please be careful with the trees, we need more trees! Hire a sympathetic tree surgeon to thin them if needed.

I don't understand why they would miss neighbours? Our nearest neighbour was a 5 minute walk away. We went there often but totally different generation. I do remember an awesome all age party for his 90th when I was 18, all sorts of people there, it was a laugh and I rolled home late.

Nostalgia setting in.

It’s not the stream that would worry me. It’s the lifts in cars with other teens when older. Dads car /country lanes /teen lads bravado is a fatal combination. Every year group at my school at least one person was killed that way. I wish I was exaggerating 🙁

I agree with msTSwift there is also the issue of older males being quite willing to run teenage girls home but they expected some kind of sexual favors in return.

Not picking your dc up after being out at weekend is really irresponsible if you have chosen to live in the countryside.

They may also need lifts for work when in their teens.

If you are ok with being a taxi it isn't a issue my dad was good this.

Would you not feel nervous being home alone if your home is isolated?

And yes it will be dark.
I don’t think people who have always lived in towns understand how dark it is without street lighting.

I have a sidelines view. My sister moved completely rural 5years ago and its perfect and they have outdoor space BUT:

• she needs to drive their kids everywhere and the playdates /appointments do conflict and cause issues
• there's no such thing as popping to the supermarket. It's a good 20min drive to the nearest town
• hospitals/doctors are all a fair distance away. She regularly travels 1hr-90mins to the hospital
• being rural means that internet is awful (which isn't great when you have teens), the electricity can often go out and they have back up generators/run on oil, cess pit issues to deal with.
• winter is a different ball game. Their road is rarely gritted and trying to get to the nearest main road can be hazardous in poor weather.

All in all, I think she enjoys it but her kids do struggle with the lack of local kids/contact.

@EastWestWhosBest

And yes it will be dark. I don’t think people who have always lived in towns understand how dark it is without street lighting.

Definitely agree. It's so beautiful in the complete and utter darkness

being rural means that internet is awful (which isn't great when you have teens), the electricity can often go out and they have back up generators/run on oil, cess pit issues to deal with.

Yes I’d forgotten about that. Where my parents live the power goes out so frequently that they have candle and matches out in every room.
And it’s out for a long time as the energy companies work on getting the most people back on the quickest. So the bigger villages.
As a child I recall the power being out for three days sometimes, now it’s more like hours.

@EastWestWhosBest

being rural means that internet is awful (which isn't great when you have teens), the electricity can often go out and they have back up generators/run on oil, cess pit issues to deal with.

Yes I’d forgotten about that. Where my parents live the power goes out so frequently that they have candle and matches out in every room.
And it’s out for a long time as the energy companies work on getting the most people back on the quickest. So the bigger villages.
As a child I recall the power being out for three days sometimes, now it’s more like hours.

It's not like this in the areas you're looking at OP!

It's not like this in the areas you're looking at OP!

How do you know that? My folks are only 5 miles from a town in Somerset, not a tiny Scottish island or something.

@EastWestWhosBest
Sorry! I posted on the wrong thread🙈

It depends on how rural you are. Good transport links make all the difference for teens. Bus routes to city or town. We are only two miles from civilisation so all my teens mine cycle to friends and amenities. Two have passed their driving test also.

My kids childhood was all damning streams, building bonfires, sea swimming and camping. Very different to a city based childhood. Depends what floats your boat.