Help! I can't decide where to live 😩 oxfordshire/ Berkshire

[Mentalmummydoes]

Hi MNers,
I think this is my first time posting and I could really do with someone trying to help me rationalise my thoughts on our next house purchase.

A bit of background, my husband and I grew up in Berkshire... All of our friends that love us, warts and all, still live there. We moved to Oxfordshire 4.5 years ago. It's a great place to raise kids but we've not really made any friends! Made even more difficult because we chose a tiny school with only 70 kids in the entire school so not even met any parents that we really gel with!

The part of my brain that still thinks I'm 18 and wants to be near my friends is telling me to move back, my sensible side is telling me oxfordshire is a lovely place to raise our 3 kids.

We are about to buy our next home that we will be in for a long time I'd have thought. We love one that we've seen over here but would need to move the kids school. Does it make sense to just move back to Berkshire? If you've lived in both areas particular interested in your opinion but anyone who can help me make sense of my own mind would be greatly appreciated.

Even writing this out makes it seem like a ridiculous question 😂

Thanks so much!

If you are happier in Berkshire then move there. Live in the place that will bring you the most happiness.
Seriously. Life is too short. They are so clise to each other anyway.

Oxfordshire is beautiful but not much going on really! Depending on where you are can be a very slow way of life compared to Berkshire. I can see your dilemma, what do the kids think? Do you have any family in Oxfordshire ?

Great question! I forgot that bit.

My parents moved over here 3 years ago and my sister moved over a year ago. So now my family are all here! My family are my absolute priority but they're also thinking about moving to Italy 🤦‍♀️ so I just can't decide.

You've hit the nail on the head. It's very slow here and I'm not used to that but my heart tells me that raising kids here is a wiser thing to do. I'm just exhausted battling with myself over it!

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow still getting used to this so hoping I'm doing this right 😂 thanks for your response. I know you're right but I'd be about 1 hour from my parents (whilst they're still here) and we are incredibly close! That's the struggle xxx

@Mentalmummydoes I know the feeling, I moved away from where I grew up too! It’s been a decade now and I’m only just really feeling settled and when I go back to where I grew up, it no longer feels like home! So you can get there! I’d also prioritise family over friends.

@sunshineday1 oh that's really interesting!! It's weird because when I'm there I don't necessarily like being there 😂 but I do miss being near my friends and there's obviously so much more to do in Berkshire.

I think if I asked my girls, they'd say to stay near their grandparents... But if they move to Italy in 2 years... Who knows how we will feel! Really tough

Have you made friends in your new area? I think that's what I'm missing...

@Mentalmummydoes yes but it’s taken a very long time and they still don’t feel the same as my old friends, I’m not sure they ever will because we didn’t grow up together and have all the fun you do in your teens but it’s ok I still have those friends just a bit further away. Does where you live affect what house you can get too? As I’m pretty sure Oxfordshire is a bit cheaper.

I can’t make your decision for you, but from what you’ve said so far, I’d personally stay in Oxfordshire but make it a priority to visit my friends in Berkshire on a more regular basis ☺️ That’s just me though, you have to do what is right for you

If you like it in Berkshire, move there. I don't see the dilemma really. What's holding you in oxfordshire?
We just bought a house in Caversham and it seems like a lovely place for families.

I grew up in Bucks and now live in a village in oxon. I went to school in Maidenhead and my family are there. I can be back within about 35 mins so don't feel that same need to move back but do go 'home' regularly. I also think we get more for our money here house-wise and the sense of community in these small villages (I'm assuming by your school size you are in a small village) I really don't think can be replicated in larger towns.

@ftbhere I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous 😬 what's holding me is that my parents and sister have moved here too! But as I say, they are also thinking of moving to Italy. I also feel its probably a nicer place to raise kids in Oxon, but not necessarily making my husband and I happy! God knows. I'm lost!

@sunshineday1 yeah you sound exactly like me. I think you're right. I should just try and settle here and just go down for the get togethers that we have! As I say, I need to remember none us are 18 anymore 😂

Thanks for all the understanding and advice x

@Chattercino yes you definitely do get more for your money! We are thinking of moving to Wantage next, a small town but with a bit more going on than our teeny village. I'll sleep on it and try and stop stressing about it I think x

What about living on the border between the two. I like in Berkshire but my kids go to school 10 mins away in Oxfordshire. We spend time in both.

@LittleBrownBaby that's not a bad idea! Perhaps Wallingford way?

@Mentalmummydoes I grew up in Berkshire too! So maybe that’s why, I even moved back for a while but I realised I’d just sugar coated it in my mind 🤣 very settled where I am now and will never go back. Good luck with whatever you do!

I think context is everything where are you comparing in Oxfordshire with where in Berkshire.
I live in West Berks and it's very sleepy compared to Reading or Slough.

@sunshineday1 OK you have now made me think so much more clearly 😂 I think I am sugar coating it and like the idea of being able to pop into my friends but in reality I work a lot and have 3 kids! Think I need to wake up and smell the coffee to be honest.

@Lonecatwithkitten we were actually moving to Newbury just 2 months ago but our sale fell through! So we decided to stick around here and now I'm getting itchy feet again.

We live in a very small, sleepy village near Didcot. I'm thinking perhaps Crowthorne way for berks.

I think the thing I struggle with most is the lack of stuff to do for kids as well... Everything seems to be in Berkshire!

@Mentalmummydoes exactly that. When I moved back I realised we all have our own lives and saw everyone the same amount as when I had moved away. I know crowthorne very well, it’s a nice area. What made you move away in the first place ?

I find it really bizarre that you're lumping the counties together as homogeneous entities, but both have wildly different parts. For example I'd rather cut my eyes out than live in Reading but I can understand why Wokingham regularly gets voted best town for raising a family. Oxford is chronically overpriced but a lot of fun, while many Oxon villages are sleepy little places.

If you're in an Oxon village with a tiny school, you could probably move 5 minutes in any direction and access a bigger school and larger pool of friends, while still being close to family.

But yes, I'd suggest South Oxon / Berks border, around Pangbourne, Goring, Caversham.

@sunshineday1 a mixture of things really. One of the reasons was that my Mum and Dad were moving to Malvern and my husband worked in Reading and this was a good half way house. Sale fell through 🤦‍♀️ so then they moved here.

Do you mind me asking where you moved to? Crowthorne does seem lovely! We have friends that live there too.

Honestly can't thank you enough because although I know this stuff deep down, hearing it from someone else who sounds like they've been through the exact same thing has really helped.

@ImaginaryCat fair point! Someone else pointed this out above and I broke it down to Crowthorne (Berks). For comparison here we are in a really boring village and considering a move near a market town.

I would say though that the difference between Oxfordshire as a whole vs Berkshire as a whole, is that there's a lot more to do in berks, basically where ever you go. And here it's mainly country walks, parks and maybe a bit of paddle boarding. It's a very different way of life, despite being only an hour away.

Absolutely love Oxford but agree, the prices are mental and the traffic is hideous.

You make a great point either way 😂 even if it was blunt, I can't argue with your logic. This is why I posted, because sometimes logic evades me when I'm trying to make a decision.

I live in Oxfordshire but one side of my family is from Berkshire. I think you need to pick a better place at you've said a market town rather than a village rather than a Berks V Oxon. As an example My grandparents lived in Woodcote not much went on there, My friend lives in Witney which has lots going on.

You do know that Broadmoor is in Crowthorne OP? Bracknell does have a lot going on in it though, although I'd go for Wokingham ahead of Crowthorne as the rail links are better, and the girls' secondary school is excellent.