I really don’t know if I’m a city or country person! How to choose

[donaldbump]

Going round and round wondering where to move to. I miss city life but I also love being out in the countryside. I’m currently in semi rural suburbia. Sometimes I think London suburbia might work then I think it’s the worst of both. Then I want to go full on rural but worry the kids would be isolated. Then I think town life but perhaps that’s also worst of both worlds. Covid has opened up more rural and different options as only need to be in London 1-2 week now. But perhaps just living in London is the best option still! How do you know which sort of location to move to??? I have this guilt thing too about kids needing to be in countryside/big garden/space/fresh air plus I seem to have a craving for the sea or a big river nearby right now. But then I also desperately miss the buzz of city life. Kids are primary age. Help!!

Kids gain from wherever they are. I've learned this through having to move 4 times in my children's life. We have lived in suburbia, in the middle of the city..literally the middle...rural town in Australia and currently live by the sea.

The things each place offers will be embraced by your children.

If you’re not sure then you’re a town person

My friend moved to the country. Narrow roads with high hedges so she was scared to death if they wanted to go on their bikes or even walk to the village. She also had to ferry them everywhere. No decent secondary nearby and they went to different ones so long school run. As they got older kids were bored and she had to do even more taxiing. Fresh air had the unmistakable tang of manure when the wind blew a certain way. She also found it very hard to make friends.
I love the city, and spending a week at a holiday cottage in Wales brought it home. One local shop which shut at 5pm, dangerous country road, never knew how noisy cows could be, had to get in the car to go anywhere.
Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

#midlifelady .
On a footpath in a field in rural Shropshire with dusk approaching I realised I was most definitely a town person. Where were those streetlights and traffic noises. The countryside was just too disconcerting, and frankly creepy, particularly at night.

I lived in London surburbia and didn't like it much and much prefer living in the countryside as do the kids but different people like different things and have different priorities.

We have excellent schools here much better than the ones where we were in London but whereever you move research the schools and move by good ones, if you are in London be very careful you would get in as catchments can be tiny. If your kids are in primary go to an area where several secondaries are good as they can change. For us it was important to have a school that was walkable so we lived walking distance to primary then moved to be walking distance to secondary. Lots of DDs friends in London spend 1.5 hours commuting to and from school, she can spend that with friends or doing clubs. It's also really safe here which it wasn't at all where we were in London.

The kids see friends more here than they did in London as they don't have the journey and we live in the village with the school which also has all the afterschool clubs in and air cadets, army cadets, gym etc. We made sure everything we need day to day is walkable so school, shop, doctors, after school clubs and its rare to need our car. I wouldn't live more remotely as people do end up driving everywhere and some villages have nothing in them. We obviously have countryside all around which is lovely.

But you do need to be practical about work - house prices are half the price of London here so you can get a much nicer house or a cheaper house and a lovely garden - but getting to London on the train is expensive and over 1.5 hours. That's fine if you really only need it once or twice a week but not fine every day. What happens if you change jobs? Your work suddenly stops work from home, can you manage financially, could you get a job in the countryside and what would pay difference be. If you can't make that side work then you probably need to stay in London. That's why we stayed until we could afford one of us not to work. There's also towns inbetween - it doesn't have to be suburbia or countryside you could go to a large town. It also depends on your budget - if you have a really high budget and can afford a home in a nice, leafy safer part of London I would imagine its lovely. But in London you can still go to the sea / countryside on the weekends or vice versa in the countryside / by the sea. You can make either work and kids are very adaptable.

I’m definitely paralysed with indecision. The variables are so big I don’t know which way to go. Really I think I’d love to find a special large village/small town near some water with good community but I can’t find it. But then I switch and wish to be back in London - though I’m not quite sure where abouts. I also wish either set of family were nearer as I think that would make this easier to decide what to do. Anyway thanks for the input.

Isn't this why people move to the Brighton environs? To get the downs/sea/community plus city vibe/commutableness etc. I stayed in London, but considered it when the kids were little and it seems to be the (pricey) cure for this kind of paralysis.

I think your dilemma explains the ensuring popularity of market towns OP. Maybe start looking at a few of these?

I know people who moved to Lewes and they really like it, big rivers in Cambridge and Oxford. Hertford has a river though the lovely old houses in the centre certainly used to be at a risk of flooding. Anywhere by a river you would need to check that. Surrounding villages may also have the river going through them and prices are often a lot cheaper, houses bigger etc but will take longer to get into London. If you want to keep animals like chickens, horses etc that's more common in the villages as you need lots of land for horses, less for chickens.

We only moved from city to country when we really could not bear the city thing any longer

I used to live city life, it gradually wore me down.

We moved to a village in Hampshire. Not a hundred miles away, cities are still there for day trips, as is the beach, but mostly it’s glorious village cricket in summer, and endless mud and rain the rest of the year

You have to not mind the 9 months of mud and rain

If you’re not sure, you’re a townie

You mention special large village near some water ... take a look at the village of West Malling in Kent. It’s just outside the M25 but only just. Excellent links to London, Bromley, Maidstone, Canterbury. Surrounded by countryside but good road links as well. Easy for Gatwick airport.

Cheap it is not. Nice it is.

I was going to suggest Kent as well, where you have the countryside on your doorstep, but London is nearby if you want a taste of West End theatres etc. The continent is also near.

@Silkiescat

I know people who moved to Lewes and they really like it, big rivers in Cambridge and Oxford. Hertford has a river though the lovely old houses in the centre certainly used to be at a risk of flooding. Anywhere by a river you would need to check that. Surrounding villages may also have the river going through them and prices are often a lot cheaper, houses bigger etc but will take longer to get into London. If you want to keep animals like chickens, horses etc that's more common in the villages as you need lots of land for horses, less for chickens.

donaldbump nooo you really won't like Lewes we blow stuff up and set light to stuff! we have a castle too, and cobbled streets, lots of cultural activities and a good art scene. Lots of pubs, and lovely cafes and independent shops......but we dress up in strange stuff, and did I mention.....we blow stuff up.

I'm a country person by birth and attitude, this is my compromise. We have lots of lovely walks and I'm 5 minutes from the town centre and 5 minutes from the downs. London is an easy commute, and Brighton is about 15 minutes by train or car.

Agree that Bath or Brighton may fit the bill, or maybe Bristol. What's your budget and what do you like - trendy, leafy, historic, etc?

For what it's worth, I've lived in lots of different bits of suburban London and they vary hugely. I was previously in zone 4 SW London and didn't care for it, it took ages to get into London and there was very little green space nearby. I'm now in zone 6 South London and for me it's the best of both worlds - tons of green space on our doorstep, and 30 mins on the train to London Bridge or Victoria.