I hate the house and dp loves it - WWYD

[GreenSwanBlack]

It's a bit of a long story this but I will try not to drip feed.

A few years ago, dp and I bought a house after my dc had left home. We each had one house we loved in completely different areas. Mine was on the outskirts of a city and far smaller. Dp's was rural, near his (young) dcs and far larger. It took a year for us to reach consensus and in the end, we went for more space and moved to the house and area he liked.

We've owned the house for 2 years now and I hate it. I feel so isolated and I don't particularly like the area. But dp loves it. He sees his kids loads more now, we have a dog who adores the space.

We used to have a great relationship but this house is destroying that. We had an agreement that we would move and stay till his youngest was 18 but that's another 8 years and there's no way I can do that. I was meant to rent out my old apartment but thankfully with Covid, it didn't rent so after the first lockdown, I came back here as I just didn't want to stay there any longer. Whenever I mention to dp that we need to discuss what we are doing, he says we had an agreement to stay there and I'm going back on that. I understand that he is ludicrously happy and loves it.

At the moment, once lockdown lifts, i can do weeks in the apartment and weekends in the house but I know dp wants to spend more time there. I actually don't mind him spending more time there and me being here but I also feel resentful that we've spent all this money on a house I don't like! He says at least it's an asset that is appreciating.

Wwyd in my shoes

Did he keep his other property?
Did he contribute to this one?
How come it's only in your name? (thankfully)

Is he looking for work? Tough if in middle of nowhere. At the moment you are funding his lifestyle in a property you are barely at.
What's the point?

Sell and be happy.

You need to have a frank conversation about your life and home situation, yes you agreed to live there until the kids were 18 but both of your lives have changed significantly since that decision was made. You both need to think of what you can compromise on.
If he isn't willing to compromise then you are left with the choice of whether his happiness is more important than your own.
I did a 2-hour each way commute for 4 years, it left me exhausted and depressed. Don't underestimate the effect of this on your life.

Ahh your updates make a lot more sense. It sounds like situations have changed, nobody is really at fault but it doesn’t work for you despite you paying. So it’s probably time to pull the plug on the house, if you’re willing to risk the same end for the relationship

I would be looking at turning the relationship into a less serious long distance one and settling back where you want to live. For many couples, long distance works well and things don’t need such a compromise. If it doesn’t work out, then I’d choose somewhere that made me happy over someone who doesn’t seem to understand or acknowledge how unhappy I am.

How is his job hunting going?