big move - advise needed ???

[yorkiemom]

I would be really grateful of any advise re moving children schools.
This may sound really silly but we are thinking about moving to a new area completely.The area we live in now has rapidly declined over the last 10 years (myself and dh have lived here all our lives) are we are thinking long term for our children. My dd 6 is very settled and has a best friend who she is very attached to, she says she will marry him when they grow up !!!
They have been friends since playgroup and see each other out of school alot. when we talk about moving she becomes very upset and says she can't leave him !!
My ds is only 3 and so no major worries with him.
Everyone tells me children adjust, but I am just so worried that she will be miserable, which I could'nt bear.
Sorry to go on for so long, I just wondered if anyone had any similar experiences ??
Thanks

different situation but i moved dd1 from primary school mid reception year. We had problems with school and didnt get any help, i moved her to a school where she didnt know anyone, within days she was fine, by 2 weeks back to her usual self which she hadnt been for months because of old school. Kids really do bear up much better than we think

Thanks frazzled, I am probably overreacting, as my dh says !!!
I just worry about her friendship with her best friend, as she is always talking about him, and how much she loves him, and what fun they have had together that day at school !! They are glued at the hip !!! and I know how disstressed she will be to leave him.
I sopose I am just looking for reasurrance that she will get over it and perhaps make a new special friend.

AS her best friend is a boy I suspect that if they stayed in the same school in a couple of years she'll go through that 'Eughh boys' stage and they will not longer be best friends!

Thanks titchy, perhaps, however she is a real tomboy, and bossy ! Her friend is perfect for her as he is totally under the thumb !!
I just hope I'm doing the right thing, and she will get over it.
Sounds silly I know, but has never been any trouble to go to school, and I know I would feel so guilty if she did'nt settle!

Yorkiemum - couldn't they write to each other and stay over for holidays etc. I know this sounds naff but i've just read a book about exactly the same situation and they communicated through letter, email etc.

My dd was in a similar situation - she met her 'betrothed' on day 1 of reception and they were inseperable until he left half way through Yr 1.

However, we have kept in touch and meet up ocasionally and she has definitely not forgotten him - keeps writing him notes, stories, drawing him pictures etc

She was really unsettled at that school once he had gone but we moved her to a new one this Sept (for Yr 2) and she is really happy - lots of new friends, but she still remembers him and we meet up when we can.

They are so sweet when they see each other, just run into each others arms shouting "my " and "my ".

Your dd will be fine

Thanks Arransmummy and Carbonel, I have said this to her, but she just gets really upset and says she does'nt want to move.
Everyone tells me that she would adjust, but it would just be getting through that time, they really are inseparable!!
I'm not sure if a clean break would be better, because I'm sure if we did meet up she would be terrible when the time came to say goodbye.
I know its silly but I feel really upset about it today, just this morning when I took her to school they wait for each other outside the door, and look so happy laughing and chatting waay together.
I think I need to toughen up but am finding it very hard !!!

We moved house (to a completely new area) when I was 7 years old. It had no negative impact on me (and I was a shy child) and I settled into the new school v quickly, everyone was very welcoming and probably interested to see a new face! It's difficult for you of course with the thought of all the change - but hopefully everything will work out very well in the end

yorkiemom, yes she will be upset, but if it is for the best, she will adjust. My dd was incredibly upset when she knew bf was leaving (they used to be the same, eyes meet across a crowded classroom, hold hands ALL the time etc) and she kept wanting to go to his new school etc and we had real problems with her. He actually found it easier becasue he was the new one in his school so had the excitmenet of being new, finding new friends and settling down etc. My dd who was left behind had only sadness because she was in the same place but without bf, she was really bereft and because the friendship groups had already formed struggled to fit into an existing group that she was not already part of iyswim!

For her as well, the best thing has been moving schools as she has had the chance to settle into a new place and meet new people.

If you really feel this is right for you, then do it, but do not expect your dd to agree - there really is no reaosn why she should understand all the ins and outs. I do not think a clean break would be good at all. If you have decided to move it is probably best to play it down until it all happens and she sees the new and exciting house and school.

We waited until half term the first time before meeting up to let bf settle in to his new school, but after that met up as much as possible. At this age they do not forget people so a clean break could be more cruel.

Good luck

we moved last year from the north west to the east midlands due to work. we left family and friends behind and went to an area where we knew one other family. dd was 4 and started school 2 months after the move, ds was 18 months at the time.

we've been here for just over a year and have never regretted it once, we're in a much better area for us as a family, made lots of new friends, dc's are both happy and settled. it did take time and effort for all this to happen, arranging lots of play dates for dd so she could get to know her new classmates better, also we had a huge party on christmas eve and opened our house up to all the potential new friends, although i believe the party was so legendary, we are now expected to do the same every year!

it will be unsettling at the time of the move, but you are right, children do adjust, sometimes better and quicker than adults do.