Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

neighbours kicking off because we are decorating??

38 replies

fashu · 20/02/2021 09:43

So a Nightmare move (seller delaying sale costing us a fortune in removals), broken boiler, broken dishwasher, smashed kitchen tiles and old furniture left behind later, we are finally in our new house, but that's a new thread for another day Grin

Well, the house is old, and we had a plasterer and painter ready to go before we even moved in. We knew the house would have cracks and chips and the whole house was painted white a while ago so was understandably a bit grubby. Also got kids so wanted to do their rooms nice for them.
Its one man, we aren't getting him to do the kitchen so we all sat in there and he got on with his work so no concerns re: socially distancing.
Our neighbours one way are the loveliest people, but already feeling tension the other way.
The other day we had an amazon parcel delivered. Husband came out, let onto new neighbours no reply. He thought they didn't see him but then they started shouting that the amazon man had hit their car because it skidded on some ice. I have no idea if that was the case, but I can't control the amazon driver. Husband said it didn't touch the car and they only seemed to come out to be nosey. They seemed to have let it go now anyway.
So the yesterday they started kicking off at my painter when he arrived. Saying that the previous owner had painted all the house and made it nice for us so why was he coming to paint? He said he just told them it wasn't our style.

OP posts:
Original poster
fashu · 20/02/2021 09:47

Sorry, posted before finished.
So my question is, why are they so bothered that we are painting? Its not making any noise and he's finished now anyway.
We've been in the house about 10 days and already had 2 run ins with them. What should I do?
Should I try and make friends with them? Buy some flowers or something and a card to say who we are or just leave it and accept that we might have nightmare neighbours?

The street is mainly older retired couples and we are a young family, maybe they don't like dynamic change?
BTW our son is quite as a mouse. Other neighbours even asked the other day, I thought you had a toddler, where is he, we haven't heard him!

OP posts:
Fatandfifty49 · 20/02/2021 09:50

Ithink he just sounds difficult, tbh.

I'm not sure what uou should fo but I would be giving him a wide berth

LIZS · 20/02/2021 09:54

I would suspect your activities may be more disruptive than you think. Are you attached to them ?

FamilyOfAliens · 20/02/2021 10:00

Please don’t take flowers and a card to a neighbour who has already been unpleasant to you in the first few days of you moving in.

Keep it short and sweet, smile and say hi or good morning or whatever when you see them. If they use the opportunity to say something unpleasant, just say “I’m sorry to hear that / thanks for letting us know”.

Just don’t engage. They will get the message.

purplecorkheart · 20/02/2021 10:01

I wonder were they good friends with the previous owner and don't like to see changes. Friends of mine are having this at the moment with their neighbours who were best friends with the previous owners. Everything thing they are told Ann and Pat paid a lot of money for that kitchen, that plant etc. They just smile and say really.

Autumnchill · 20/02/2021 10:02

I suspect they don't like change and perhaps missing their old neighbours. We've just moved into an apartment block and the neighbours we've met in the communal staircase have been nice but when we said we were off kitchen shopping it was all 'that kitchen is lovely', 'why would you replace it' etc.

I wouldn't go to any particular effort with them otherwise you're hoping the flood gates for every time you do something they're not happy with. Just be polite when you see them and as we did with our old grumpy neighbour 'smile and wave boys, smile and wave'!

nextslidepuhlease · 20/02/2021 10:03

You have early indications that they will be the type of neighbours who have opinions on everything- do not feed into that by showing you care.

Wave, stay polite but do not engage whatsoever. If they are that outspoken, they will soon let you know if something really is the matter, rather than them just being nosey/ unfriendly.

Ignore and enjoy your new home

Cauterize · 20/02/2021 10:05

Why on earth would you take flowers and a card? It's like an admission of guilt!

The sound like a right pain. I'd be civil, say hello if you pass them outside but I wouldn't bend over backwards to befriend them

NewHouseNewMe · 20/02/2021 10:12

Like @autumnchill I would go easy on them. I do think this is a thing for new neighbours who are used to having quiet Marg next door and have lived through Mary's stories about painting and decorating, feel like it is a waste.

I would play along a bit. I'd say "oh you know kids, they want blue" or whatnot. Soon you'll be their new Marg and it'll all feel okay again.

ImaginaryCat · 20/02/2021 10:19

The moaning about you changing the decor is worrying. It's your home, you can change what you like. Get ready to hear incessant criticism every time you do any gardening. I had to put up with lots of "oh that's a shame, they only put those bulbs in a few years ago, what a waste". It gets very tedious.

Howshouldibehave · 20/02/2021 10:21

Husband came out, let onto new neighbours no reply.

What does ‘let onto’ mean?

PeterPandemic · 20/02/2021 10:25

Have you changed the locks?

CodenameVillanelle · 20/02/2021 10:26

Ignore them. I had neighbours like this when I moved in to my current house. Blanked my XH when he was unloading his van - I assume they thought he was a removals man and being brown and forrin he would have been beneath their notice. Within a week they were complaining about my DS playing in the garden and where I parked my car and by the time they moved out they had called the police on XH reporting him for scratching their (stationary, parked on their drive, impossible to have touched whilst parking on our drive) car and invented an argument with me in which I shouted and swore at the woman (never happened)
When they sold up and left the new neighbours had to pull up floorboards as they were soaked with cat piss. Very mentally unwell people it turned out. Just steer clear and pretend they don't exist.

mumwon · 20/02/2021 10:27

I wonder if they did the painting for them & feel insulted or had a relative or their favourite painter?

Africa2go · 20/02/2021 10:29

To be fair, you haven't had a run in with them at all yet. First one - Amazon - I'd be cheesed off too if an Amazon driver (or anyone else) skidded and hit or almost hit my car. Thats not a run in with you, its a run in with the driver.

Second one - painter - doesn't sound like a run in, just that neighbour commented on previous owner having decorated. Just a conversation / passing comment. Why was it kicking off??

Think you're making it into a drama. You've been there 10 days. Just be polite, say hello. If they don't want to be your best friends, so be it.

justanotherneighinparadise · 20/02/2021 10:29

I doubt your activities are noisy at all. People at the moment are just agitated and angry. I imagine if we were all out and about as usual then workmen coming and going would be of no interest to us at all.

DavidsSchitt · 20/02/2021 10:31

"What does ‘let onto’ mean?"

Acknowledged

MessAllOver · 20/02/2021 10:32

I'd be quite blunt and say "It's our house now and we can decorate it how we like. Do you want us to tell you how to decorate your house?"

But we have lovely polite neighbours all around us who have excellent boundaries so it's not an issue I've had to deal with.

I agree with pp above... don't appease or you're making a rod for your own back. Be nice, but set clear boundaries now or they'll walk all over you. I'm always amazed to read on here about people who haven't used their gardens in 5 years because the neighbours don't like it.

Notgoingonholiday · 20/02/2021 10:39

Just because you are neighbours doesn't mean you have to be friends. They've made their position clear, no attempt at being friendly. You own your house, what you do has nothing to do with them (unless excessively disrupting, which this doesn't sound like), as PP said, just carry on as if they don't exist.

Wingedharpy · 20/02/2021 10:49

Maybe Mr Angry was the person who did the painting previously for your vendor?
No flowers, no card - that's just rewarding bad behaviour.
Ignore.

Original poster
fashu · 20/02/2021 11:06

Thank you all for comments. Kind of makes me feel a bit better knowing it might just be them and not us.
My mum and dad have lived in their house most of my life and they still have the same neighbours. They get on really well so much as leaving keys with them when we go on holiday.
My old neighbour was an older lady but we didn't see her much because she couldn't get around, but always had a polite hello when we did see her. So I guess I'm just not used to it. Always had this dream of having neighbours like my mum!
I could have made clearer that the neighbours didn't say anything to the amazon driver, they said it to my husband after they ignored his good afternoon acknowledgement. They also only came out just to speak to my painter, like I don't think I would bother to come to the door just to ask why are you coming to paint someone's house.
Tbh I don't think we could have gotten away with not painting and plastering for much longer. Downstairs was OK, but upstairs because the walls are rounded it was badly chipped and if you touched it plaster would fall off.
You could be right that they maybe helped out with the previous painting, but given the amount of dark marks around doors etc. I think it may have been a few years since last done.
When moving in, seller did make a remark that he'd filled holes with polyfilla, but obviously this hadn't been painted over so was obvious grey circles, could be that he's told the neighbours a different story???
I haven't personally seen them yet, but hopefully they will come round to us after a while

Honestly I don't think the painting will have made that much noise, i couldn't hear that there was even someone else in the house and all children activities are on the other side of the house.

Thanks all again for advice.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 20/02/2021 11:10

Ignore, ignore, ignore. You need to set your stall out e.g. then commenting on the painting -none of their business and not their place to say. If the Amazon man hit their car then it’s unfortunate but you can’t control the Amazon man and they need to take it up with him. You don’t want them to continue to ignore these boundaries and think they have a say. Before you know it they will be commenting on how you park your car, how much gardening you do etc etc

DavidsSchitt · 20/02/2021 12:07

"They also only came out just to speak to my painter, like I don't think I would bother to come to the door just to ask why are you coming to paint someone's house."

Just because you wouldn't make conversation with people in the vicinity it doesn't mean they shouldn't. Also, saying "I'm surprised they've got a decorator in already, Bob only did it last summer" isn't "kicking off". It's making conversation.

You say you've not seen them at all, they're probably wondering who you are. They might've lost their friendly long term neighbours (like your mum has) and gained you. The new neighbour who hasn't even bothered to go round and introduce herself!

VettiyaIruken · 20/02/2021 12:10

Don't bother trying to appease them. Unreasonable people see that as a green light to get more unreasonable. Polite but assertive is the best way forward.

itsgettingwierd · 20/02/2021 12:24

I had neighbours like this once

"Jackie and John always ......."

To be fair it wasn't about stuff I was doing but rather not (single mum to disabled toddler and worked FT as well as studying OU degree) like outside handing baskets like others had.

One day I put on my sweetest smile and said I didn't have time etc but if they wanted handing baskets outside my house feel free to make some and care for them.

They did as well. HmmGrin(Handing baskets, mowed the front lawn more frequently than I would!) treated my side of fence (and all of it so it looked nice).

Eventually I made good friends with them. They'd lived there 45 years and Jackie and John for 49 before they moved. They'd raised their kids there alongside each other etc.

They became great elders for ds and often passed on their grandkids old toys to him.

They were just sad they'd lost a big part of their life and didn't communicate it well.

They told me after a year they actually respected me when I put them in their place and knew we'd get along ConfusedGrin

I missed them when ds and I had to move.